I bought 2 cds on a whim today. Now I don't really know why I bought them cuz I realised I could've actually just downloaded them (albeit illegally) haha. I think I must have been too deprived of english songs at rag. Chinese songs are played 24/7 there, thus there are alot of repeats that are played almost endlessly, to the point that I know the song lyrics and the tune but not the singer and the title haha.
And I'm finally home!! Lalala, I love the sweet sweet scent of home :)) The familiarity and comfort, the endless supply of hot water, the ready availibility of food and of course family! Plus I can sleep in without feeling guilty, and without being woken up by a million different kinds of alarm tones at different intervals haha.
By the way, I applied for SEP and got it, but not where I wanted to go. I wanted the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, but got sent to Texas A&M University instead. Hmmm actually I'm fine with it, cuz it's actually not that bad of an institution. I think I'm more afraid of the loneliness, weather, food, accommodation, and everything basically. I've always wanted to experience life overseas but now that it's become more real I don't know if I have the courage to do it. Sigh. It's like hall I guess, except that if I miss the comforts of home I'd have to fly a few thousand miles back haha. And I'm afraid of missing out on the happenings in school back in Singapore. Not to mention I'd miss Boran very very much haha.
Sigh, I think I'm always like that; doing things on a whim, then regretting later. Like buying those 2 cds haha.
My care my coat
Leave on a high note
There's nowhere to go but on
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Sunday, July 22, 2007
reminiscing
Woohoo went for 1D/2D outing today! Can you imagine, it's been 7 years since we were in the same class!! Shit I feel really old. Anyway although only like 11 of us (or a quarter of the class) turned up, I had quite alot of fun. We caught up with each other, and updated each other about the whereabouts of those who were absent. But the best part was reminiscing about our teachers and schoolmates haha. Sigh, really miss my DHS days. I was so inspired I actually went home and flipped through my yearbook, and gave myself plenty of laughs haha.
1. All the funny antics we did. Like falling asleep during Chinese cultural appreciation class. Hanging out at Kallang Mac/KFC, going to Soo Kiat's house for free buffets wahaha, and various chalets we had. And doing the Kallang wave behind the semi-blind teacher. Captain's ball, captain's ball and more captain's ball.
2. The funny and weird people in our class. Like Zhixiang, whom we suspected was gay, and Evelyn, who's always mugging silently in the background until I accidentally offended her once and she scared me with her reaction.
3. Our teachers. This is the best part hahaa. I think we remembered more scandals about the teachers than all the things we were taught by them. The way Patsy Neo dressed to kill haha. And our funny art teacher (色彩推移!). Our history teacher who floated around school. The crazy lit teacher who tried to convert us to Christianity and who scared us in class by shouting all of a sudden during his lessons ("the WHO! WHAT! WHY!") Mdm Sim and her carrots hahaha. All the scandals about which teacher was eloping with another teacher. And the hilarious nicknames we gave them, like LPP (Loo Pui Pui) and LP.
4. I realised all of us looked quite kok when we were in sec 1/2. I looked like crap man wahaha. And everyone looked toot. But most of us have changed already, though not so much haha.
5. I think DHS is one of the few schools in Singapore which actually celebrate the Mooncake Festival, and I'm glad for this cuz I had one of the best times of my life during these days. The nights we spent gorging on pomelos and mooncakes, and carrying the kiddy Powerpuff Girl lantern hahaha. Plus sitting on the monkey bars looking at the stars, and sharing ghost stories while we accompanied Jy on her guard duty.
6. Our unique flag-raising ceremony every morning. When the cheesy national day songs will start blaring through the PA system and we'd take our own sweet time to go down to the parade square, before we'd realise we're really late and we'd run for our lives. Then someone will scream "Baris sedia!!". And where we'd have to stand in the scorching sun and listen to Mr Kiw drone on and on, at the risk of toppling over from heatstroke.
7. And not forgetting the formidable Mr Kiw! He struck terror in every Dunmanian's heart during his regime haha. But I think DHS is never the same after he left. In a sense, I think he held the foundation of DHS together. With him gone, all the traditions and discipline he inculcated sorta crumbled. I don't think I recognise any of the old DHS traits in the students I see now. It's ironic how we used to dread his presence, but now that he's gone, we wished he were back to drill some discipline in the younger generation haha.
Sigh, those were the days... We were so innocent and carefree then. In a sense I guess we lived for the moment and couldn't care less about the rest. I was much more outspoken and brazen then, compared to now. But I've mellowed much more now, whether for good or bad I don't really know haha.
On the other hand, now that rag day is getting closer, I'm beginning to feel stress and tension emanating from everyone. And I feel bad for always coming and going, but I can't help it. I don't wanna leave all the time too, cuz believe me, it's tiring to always travel up and down from school, but I have a life outside rag too. I know rag has to take first priority in my life now, and I should've known about the sacrifices and the commitment I have to make before I joined the rag comm. But the things outside of rag are important to me too. I don't wanna neglect my family and my friends, and most importantly, my spiritual life. In fact I'm beginning to feel quite distant from church and maybe God, which is bad. Plus it's ironic that these are my hols so I should be spending more time with the people who are important to me. Instead I'm off doing stuff that I'm not sure will be so important and that will hold much weight in the future. Sometimes I don't really see the point behind rag, besides carrying on the Bizad tradition. Sure we can bond with each other but if we handle situations wrongly, we might end up hurting our friendships.
Ok eeks, I sound really pessimistic about all this. I think I should stop complaining and concentrate on making my situation better.
Left last night with a long goodbye
I told you thoughts that multiply
We've been here many times before
What's one more?
1. All the funny antics we did. Like falling asleep during Chinese cultural appreciation class. Hanging out at Kallang Mac/KFC, going to Soo Kiat's house for free buffets wahaha, and various chalets we had. And doing the Kallang wave behind the semi-blind teacher. Captain's ball, captain's ball and more captain's ball.
2. The funny and weird people in our class. Like Zhixiang, whom we suspected was gay, and Evelyn, who's always mugging silently in the background until I accidentally offended her once and she scared me with her reaction.
3. Our teachers. This is the best part hahaa. I think we remembered more scandals about the teachers than all the things we were taught by them. The way Patsy Neo dressed to kill haha. And our funny art teacher (色彩推移!). Our history teacher who floated around school. The crazy lit teacher who tried to convert us to Christianity and who scared us in class by shouting all of a sudden during his lessons ("the WHO! WHAT! WHY!") Mdm Sim and her carrots hahaha. All the scandals about which teacher was eloping with another teacher. And the hilarious nicknames we gave them, like LPP (Loo Pui Pui) and LP.
4. I realised all of us looked quite kok when we were in sec 1/2. I looked like crap man wahaha. And everyone looked toot. But most of us have changed already, though not so much haha.
5. I think DHS is one of the few schools in Singapore which actually celebrate the Mooncake Festival, and I'm glad for this cuz I had one of the best times of my life during these days. The nights we spent gorging on pomelos and mooncakes, and carrying the kiddy Powerpuff Girl lantern hahaha. Plus sitting on the monkey bars looking at the stars, and sharing ghost stories while we accompanied Jy on her guard duty.
6. Our unique flag-raising ceremony every morning. When the cheesy national day songs will start blaring through the PA system and we'd take our own sweet time to go down to the parade square, before we'd realise we're really late and we'd run for our lives. Then someone will scream "Baris sedia!!". And where we'd have to stand in the scorching sun and listen to Mr Kiw drone on and on, at the risk of toppling over from heatstroke.
7. And not forgetting the formidable Mr Kiw! He struck terror in every Dunmanian's heart during his regime haha. But I think DHS is never the same after he left. In a sense, I think he held the foundation of DHS together. With him gone, all the traditions and discipline he inculcated sorta crumbled. I don't think I recognise any of the old DHS traits in the students I see now. It's ironic how we used to dread his presence, but now that he's gone, we wished he were back to drill some discipline in the younger generation haha.
Sigh, those were the days... We were so innocent and carefree then. In a sense I guess we lived for the moment and couldn't care less about the rest. I was much more outspoken and brazen then, compared to now. But I've mellowed much more now, whether for good or bad I don't really know haha.
On the other hand, now that rag day is getting closer, I'm beginning to feel stress and tension emanating from everyone. And I feel bad for always coming and going, but I can't help it. I don't wanna leave all the time too, cuz believe me, it's tiring to always travel up and down from school, but I have a life outside rag too. I know rag has to take first priority in my life now, and I should've known about the sacrifices and the commitment I have to make before I joined the rag comm. But the things outside of rag are important to me too. I don't wanna neglect my family and my friends, and most importantly, my spiritual life. In fact I'm beginning to feel quite distant from church and maybe God, which is bad. Plus it's ironic that these are my hols so I should be spending more time with the people who are important to me. Instead I'm off doing stuff that I'm not sure will be so important and that will hold much weight in the future. Sometimes I don't really see the point behind rag, besides carrying on the Bizad tradition. Sure we can bond with each other but if we handle situations wrongly, we might end up hurting our friendships.
Ok eeks, I sound really pessimistic about all this. I think I should stop complaining and concentrate on making my situation better.
Left last night with a long goodbye
I told you thoughts that multiply
We've been here many times before
What's one more?
Saturday, July 21, 2007
I'm ranting again.
The past few months have been tumultous. I've seen friendships built and break apart. Although I haven't really been affected, I'm really terrified that something will happen to ruin all the friendships we've painstakingly built up this past year. Seeing the way things are going now, it really doesn't take much to break apart a friendship. I guess we haven't really learnt how to forgive and forget, or to think carefully before we go about doing things that hurt those around us.
When someone makes a mistake, we forget about the promises we've made. Things like, "I'll always be there for you" go flying out the window. Well it's easy to say all this crap about forgiving and forgetting now, but I'm still finding it hard to move on. I think "I need more time" is becoming a lame excuse, cuz the truth is, my heart isn't really in it to move on.
I think I'm afraid to get too close to people, cuz the closer you are, the bigger your disappointment.
I had a random thought today. I realised when we're teenagers, we tend to think that we're better that what our parents think we are. We think we can do anything, and we do everything to prove it. But at my age, we tend to think we're bigger than the world. It's not so much about proving ourselves to our parents anymore. We think because we're older, we've matured and have complete control over everything. We go about proving that we know everything, and we like to think we're wiser beyond our years. We rant on about politics, relationships and love to provide advice for others we deem less experienced than us. Sadly, the only thing we've succeeded in proving is that we're wrong. We're never as smart as we think we are.
Sigh I don't really know what I'm talking about. I think I'm just tired from today, and the past week in general.
All the words that we have to say
They don't leave when the moment comes
Rag update: Welfare has improved! We had barley and 汤圆 this week! Shiok man. Lucky we had multi-talented people among us who knew how to cook hahaha. I think if it were me doing welfare, everyone in rag will die from malnutrition and obesity cuz of all the unhealthy food we dabao everyday. We have TIO (Thrash It Out) sessions during debrief also. Whoever holds the TIO stick has the right to thrash out whatever issues he/she has with anyone or anything haha. And I have a bad feeling we might not be able to finish our float in time. What with so many intricacies left undone, and with people like me who come and go as we like. Sigh. We have to work harder!! In Xiaoping's words, "喝多一点酒就可以 power up!" HAha.
The past few months have been tumultous. I've seen friendships built and break apart. Although I haven't really been affected, I'm really terrified that something will happen to ruin all the friendships we've painstakingly built up this past year. Seeing the way things are going now, it really doesn't take much to break apart a friendship. I guess we haven't really learnt how to forgive and forget, or to think carefully before we go about doing things that hurt those around us.
When someone makes a mistake, we forget about the promises we've made. Things like, "I'll always be there for you" go flying out the window. Well it's easy to say all this crap about forgiving and forgetting now, but I'm still finding it hard to move on. I think "I need more time" is becoming a lame excuse, cuz the truth is, my heart isn't really in it to move on.
I think I'm afraid to get too close to people, cuz the closer you are, the bigger your disappointment.
I had a random thought today. I realised when we're teenagers, we tend to think that we're better that what our parents think we are. We think we can do anything, and we do everything to prove it. But at my age, we tend to think we're bigger than the world. It's not so much about proving ourselves to our parents anymore. We think because we're older, we've matured and have complete control over everything. We go about proving that we know everything, and we like to think we're wiser beyond our years. We rant on about politics, relationships and love to provide advice for others we deem less experienced than us. Sadly, the only thing we've succeeded in proving is that we're wrong. We're never as smart as we think we are.
Sigh I don't really know what I'm talking about. I think I'm just tired from today, and the past week in general.
All the words that we have to say
They don't leave when the moment comes
Rag update: Welfare has improved! We had barley and 汤圆 this week! Shiok man. Lucky we had multi-talented people among us who knew how to cook hahaha. I think if it were me doing welfare, everyone in rag will die from malnutrition and obesity cuz of all the unhealthy food we dabao everyday. We have TIO (Thrash It Out) sessions during debrief also. Whoever holds the TIO stick has the right to thrash out whatever issues he/she has with anyone or anything haha. And I have a bad feeling we might not be able to finish our float in time. What with so many intricacies left undone, and with people like me who come and go as we like. Sigh. We have to work harder!! In Xiaoping's words, "喝多一点酒就可以 power up!" HAha.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
I hate it when the pple around me are emo. Heck, I hate the word "emo".
I hate feeling helpless and not knowing what to do when the pple around me are feeling down. Especially those who won't give you a clue on why they're so upset. Besides the helplessness, I really hate it when I'm affected by the gloom and doom hanging in the air around me. Cuz believe me, no matter how hard I try to stay bright and cheery for them, I can't control my mood if it swings the other way.
So on one hand, I wanna help those who are troubled but I don't wanna let it affect my own mood. I can choose to ignore them, but then if I do that, I can't really be considered as a friend. And I think for me, when I'm sad, I'd choose to show it because I want to be showered with concern, even though I might not want to share my problems. So I think it's the same for those around me.
Argh, I hate being so emotional. Especially when I'm sad not because of a specific reason, but cuz my mood was affected. I guess I'm just being selfish. But I'm human too.
And I have the knack of thinking myself into depression, cuz I like to overcomplicate matters by thinking too much about things that weren't really that complex in the first place.
Pfft. Oh wells, at least I'm ok now I guess.
I hate feeling helpless and not knowing what to do when the pple around me are feeling down. Especially those who won't give you a clue on why they're so upset. Besides the helplessness, I really hate it when I'm affected by the gloom and doom hanging in the air around me. Cuz believe me, no matter how hard I try to stay bright and cheery for them, I can't control my mood if it swings the other way.
So on one hand, I wanna help those who are troubled but I don't wanna let it affect my own mood. I can choose to ignore them, but then if I do that, I can't really be considered as a friend. And I think for me, when I'm sad, I'd choose to show it because I want to be showered with concern, even though I might not want to share my problems. So I think it's the same for those around me.
Argh, I hate being so emotional. Especially when I'm sad not because of a specific reason, but cuz my mood was affected. I guess I'm just being selfish. But I'm human too.
And I have the knack of thinking myself into depression, cuz I like to overcomplicate matters by thinking too much about things that weren't really that complex in the first place.
Pfft. Oh wells, at least I'm ok now I guess.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Haha I'm back again! At rag now, sitting on the floor next to Kaishi haha. By the way right, Juli and her like to bully me lor. I think I'm bullied everywhere I go, from sec school till now. Sad right.
Hah anyway alot of things have happened during the 2 weeks here at rag. Things that have revealed the true colours of a few people. Quite disappointing la, actually. But hopefully these things won't affect the friendships here. I think Boran is like 1 big family, and we're really quite close. So yup, really hope things won't change too drastically after the hols.
And through these incidents, I really see the differences between guys and girls. I realise guys really see things differently from girls, and have different perspectives about alot of things. They take things less seriously also, which can be good and bad.
Shit I dunno what to say already, can't concentrate haha. And Kaishi and Juli are talking bad about me again, and I can't defend myself. Sobs.
Hah anyway alot of things have happened during the 2 weeks here at rag. Things that have revealed the true colours of a few people. Quite disappointing la, actually. But hopefully these things won't affect the friendships here. I think Boran is like 1 big family, and we're really quite close. So yup, really hope things won't change too drastically after the hols.
And through these incidents, I really see the differences between guys and girls. I realise guys really see things differently from girls, and have different perspectives about alot of things. They take things less seriously also, which can be good and bad.
Shit I dunno what to say already, can't concentrate haha. And Kaishi and Juli are talking bad about me again, and I can't defend myself. Sobs.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
where nobody knows if it's night or day
I spent last night going through my old blog entries with Kaishi haha. Must say the content of my entries have changed drastically since I started blogging. And I can't help but feel that I was really very childish in the past. The things I said were really cringe-worthy. In fact, I feel kinda ashamed of who I was. All the make-believe angst and emo shit. I was king of my world, and this world only had one occupant - me. I feel sorry for my poor parents who had to bear with me and all my nonsense. Well, at least I'm much better now, except for the occasional episodes of rebellion haha.
Caught the Harry Potter movie today too, with Qi and Hongsheng. The movie was quite disappointing I must say. I thought it'd be longer, and it was really quite dark. The climax was too short also. But I guess it's not that easy to squeeze over 800 pages of manuscript into a 2 hour movie. At least the company was good. Must say I really missed the both of them after not seeing each other for 2 weeks. It feels weird to miss church, yet not that weird. There's kind of a thrill in breaking your habit even if it's just once, but I don't want to make skipping church a habit. And yes, I feel weird if I don't see my church friends for more than a week haha. I guess people can become a habit too.
Like how I feel now when I'm at home instead of at rag. I'm starting to miss the people at rag haha. It gets depressing when you're doing the same thing 24/7, but I think the people around you make all the difference between quitting and staying on. You know there are others to support you and push you ahead when you're feeling down, and of course, it feels great to fool around and just let loose with them haha. I need people to wake me in the mornings too haha.
But I think I've been slacking alot. Like coming late, and leaving halfway often. I feel real guilty about it though. I don't wanna make rag my number 1 priority in life but it seems like I have no choice. Hopefully things will change next week when I'm relatively less occupied with other things.
I like to put song lyrics at the end of each post :) I think lyrics have the ability to describe a multitude of feelings and emotions in just a few lines. And yet move you at the same time.
Take me to the place where you go
Where nobody knows if it's night or day
Caught the Harry Potter movie today too, with Qi and Hongsheng. The movie was quite disappointing I must say. I thought it'd be longer, and it was really quite dark. The climax was too short also. But I guess it's not that easy to squeeze over 800 pages of manuscript into a 2 hour movie. At least the company was good. Must say I really missed the both of them after not seeing each other for 2 weeks. It feels weird to miss church, yet not that weird. There's kind of a thrill in breaking your habit even if it's just once, but I don't want to make skipping church a habit. And yes, I feel weird if I don't see my church friends for more than a week haha. I guess people can become a habit too.
Like how I feel now when I'm at home instead of at rag. I'm starting to miss the people at rag haha. It gets depressing when you're doing the same thing 24/7, but I think the people around you make all the difference between quitting and staying on. You know there are others to support you and push you ahead when you're feeling down, and of course, it feels great to fool around and just let loose with them haha. I need people to wake me in the mornings too haha.
But I think I've been slacking alot. Like coming late, and leaving halfway often. I feel real guilty about it though. I don't wanna make rag my number 1 priority in life but it seems like I have no choice. Hopefully things will change next week when I'm relatively less occupied with other things.
I like to put song lyrics at the end of each post :) I think lyrics have the ability to describe a multitude of feelings and emotions in just a few lines. And yet move you at the same time.
Take me to the place where you go
Where nobody knows if it's night or day
Friday, July 6, 2007
again
Crap I'm sick again. AGAIN. Freaking again!! This is the 3rd time in 3 months I've gotten the flu. I think I've caught all 234293784 variations of the flu in the 20 years of my life. It seems like forever since I felt alive and well. Other times I just wanna lie in bed and sleep, but it's hard when you can't breathe properly and you start hacking and coughing every 10 minutes. I think this must be what hell is like.
Haha otherwise I'm ok. Rag is getting abit boring. Mache-ing non-stop and getting frustrated when the starched newspaper tears in your hand and you have to start over again. Or when the tiny pieces of crepe paper you're trying to stick onto the cardboard flower get mashed together and you have to do it again, and all you wanna do is to crush the damn flower and throw it away. Hahha I'm just joking. Rag might be boring but I have plenty of pple and gossip to entertain me!
Anyway I'm considering changing to Auto for my driving lessons. I hate the stupid clutch. It ruins my life. And I can't brake properly without giving my instructor whiplash. And it's not like I'm gonna be driving a lorry in the future. My mum can't even remember how to drive manually man. And if I change now, at least I'd know how to start and move a manual car in case of emergencies haha. But I shall see how it goes after tomorrow's lesson.
You say you're waiting on fate
But I think fate is now
I think fate is now
Waiting on us
Haha otherwise I'm ok. Rag is getting abit boring. Mache-ing non-stop and getting frustrated when the starched newspaper tears in your hand and you have to start over again. Or when the tiny pieces of crepe paper you're trying to stick onto the cardboard flower get mashed together and you have to do it again, and all you wanna do is to crush the damn flower and throw it away. Hahha I'm just joking. Rag might be boring but I have plenty of pple and gossip to entertain me!
Anyway I'm considering changing to Auto for my driving lessons. I hate the stupid clutch. It ruins my life. And I can't brake properly without giving my instructor whiplash. And it's not like I'm gonna be driving a lorry in the future. My mum can't even remember how to drive manually man. And if I change now, at least I'd know how to start and move a manual car in case of emergencies haha. But I shall see how it goes after tomorrow's lesson.
You say you're waiting on fate
But I think fate is now
I think fate is now
Waiting on us
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