:(

This unexplainable sadness (and boredom).

Save me.

Don't say I don't cut when I do, I do, I do
Don't say I'm lying when I'm true, I'm true, I'm true

christmas is in the air

Pictures again! This time of the Boran Christmas gathering we had at Pauline's house haha. I had alot of fun! There was a lot of food: turkey, ham, sushi, beehoon, fried stuff, and log cake haha. So much that we couldn't finish everything. Boss' house is really very nice also. Damn class haha. Oh and we played spastic games with her Wii. And did our gift exchange :)

I baked my wonderful cookies for Juli! Heehee. I think baking cookies is the only culinary skill I possess haha. Well, at least they're NICE. Thanks to Simin for baking with me, and lending me your oven and mixer, and going out to buy the ingredients with me :) You're my baking buddy man haha.

My wonderful cookies packaged in a nice glass jar haha. But the wrapping is a bit err. Ugly.

I wonder what Qinyao is doing haha.

The turkey we painstakingly roasted in the oven for 1 hour plus. But I think we overcooked it cuz the meat was abnormally dry. And we forgot to add water when we were heating the gravy so it was too salty and we had to do it again ahah.

The boss serving the other boss.
The girls finally made themselves useful by preparing salad haha.

At the dinner table.

So yup, it was fun! Then yesterday we went to Kaishi's church to watch their Christmas performance. Not bad la, all the cast members were talented. Can sing and dance. And everything was professionally done. There wasn't a really evangelical message, though they sang my fav song "We Are the Reason" haha. I had forgotten about it till yesterday, and I can say that I was moved close to tears.

We are the reason that He gave His life,

We are the reason that He suffered and died,

To a world that was lost, He gave all He could give

To show us the reason to live.

I had forgotten all about the true meaning of Christmas, and instead, was too caught up preparing for my trip and meeting up with friends. But last night, I finally remembered the love and grace given to me through this great gift of His. It's too bad that I needed to hear a song to be reminded of it. Indeed, He is the "reason behind the season" (I think I say this every year haha, but to me, it's the Christmas statement with the most impact).

Oh and anyway I have been driving as much as I can haha. And avoiding as many accidents as I can. I almost got into a few accidents man. So scary. But EXHILIRATING woohoo!

Anyway now I have to get down to packing. Really really dunno how to start though hah. Can't believe I'm leaving in about a week. And I can't decide if I'm excited or not.

Ten nine eight and I'm breaking away

I'm all dressed up and I'm ready to play

Seven six five four and I'm all over you

Counting three two one and I'm having fun

PASSED!

I PASSED MY DRIVING!!!

Woots! P plate BABY! Hahahah! I dunno why I'm so excited also, prob cuz this is my last chance to get my license before I leave haha.

Really have to thank the Lord for this :) He gave me a nice tester who didn't mark me strictly. This tester was damn friendly and kept telling me to relax (I was super super nervous can) haha. So I did ok, even though my route was one of the kns ones. I got route 10, which goes through the kns Ubi Rd 4 which has all the cars parked on the side of the road. But thank God nothing serious happened hah.

Oh the first car I drove was a Merc! Thanks to hs haha. But I almost hit the kerb 3 times and gave hs a heart attack haha.

Thanks for all the prayers everyone :) Ok, now I'm off to practise a few rounds in the car haha.

gahhhh

OMG I'M DAMN PISSED RIGHT NOW.

I can't believe I'm prob gonna be spending 6 months with this f-ing piece of crap person.

Stupid haolian, know-it-all. Irritating shit. YES I KNOW YOU'RE DAMN SMART. STOP RUBBING IT IN.

I don't wanna talk to him yet I HAVE NO CHOICE.

God please give me patience. And tolerance. PLS help me to keep my cool and not explode before I even leave. HELP ME.

Maybe it's just me. Letting one incident ruin my entire impression of this person. But still.

No one even listens
The same way that no one ever laughs

fulfilling

Phwoar! Photo overload!! Since too many things happened in the past few days, I shall summarise them by using photos haha. But I can definitely say that I had a great time!

Mon: First up, S27 outing! Ok la, not really S27 cuz only half the class turned up -.- But nonetheless, it was still fun haah.

Outside Vilag'e (however you spell it)
The Taka Christmas tree. I seriously think they re-use the same tree every year haha.

Jie meis! Simin, me, Alaric.
Tues: WWF outing! (minus Nina and Jan) We caught "The Golden Compass" first, and I must say, the movie is overhyped. It really isn't that nice. Mostly special effects and all.
The 3 Stooges.
My fav study buddy! Not Pei, Starbucks haha.
The random acts we do.

Wed: Museum(s) with Shuqi and Hongsheng! Qi and I went to the Mint Toy Museum (bet you didn't know this place existed!) while waiting for hs, and we kinda lost our way haha. I think we asked 3 different pple for directions, and we still couldn't find it. Cuz the entrance is kinda obscure so we walked past the place like a few times before we finally realised it was there haha. Anyway it wasn't much of a big deal. Basically just shelves and shelves of toys haha. But it was cool to see what my parents played with when they were kids. Toys then were really basic, yet had detailed craftmanship, compared to those nowadays.

Then, after that we went to the National Museum to check out the Greek exhibits from the Louvre thing going on. It was quite cool, and there's so much to see (and read)! Too bad we didn't have time to see everything in detail. I really wanted to read all of the explanatory notes next to the exhibits :(
The Christmas tree at Raffles Hotel. We went in to ask for directions haha. And felt really out of place. Oh well, maybe next time when we're tai tais, we'd go back there for high teas wahaha!
The toy museum. Shelves and shelves of toys.

The earlier (and uglier) versions of Mickey Mouse. I'm so glad they made him cuter haha. This version looked quite scary haha.
Funky China dolls.
Arty farty picture. Maybe I should take up photography as a hobby haha.

Popeye the sailor man! Gee, he's so lovable haha
Tintin, my childhood fav haha.
Another arty farty picture taken by yours truly.
And Shuqi's failed attempt to do the same haha.

The National Museum.
Some art installation thingy. It's supposed to depict a world without trees, as a result of global warming. Like everything will melt. Like the pillars in the background, where the corners have "melted off" haha. Cool stuff.
So yeah, we had a great time being tourists in our own country, and pretending to be intellectual haha.

Then today, it was shopping with my Mum! Woots. Mango is having a sale! It's crazy I tell you. We had to queue to get in to the Shaw outlet?? And it was mayhem inside. Crazy women rummaging through heaps of clothes, with their men standing together forlornly in one corner of the store haha. Nevertheless, all that rummaging paid off and we bought loads of stuff! I think I settled all my shopping today haha.

Ok, gotta go sleep soon. Driving tmr! And it's driving me mad. I dunno why I always make stupid mistakes that result in immediate failures. This sucks. I really wanna pass!

And you're full of facts

But not things that could add up to words

Think about meaning more as an after word

wheeeeeeeeee

THE END IS FINALLY HERE!!

Woohooo!! Ok I have alot to say so I'll just give a brief summary haha

1. Boran's post-exam celebration: Casuarina's prata was good yesterday. The zoo outing was fun too! The penguins were super cute! My fav animal haha. And the sea lion reminded me of my dog haha. It's just too bad that it had to rain (and heavily, too). So we had to run around with umbrellas. We even watched the animal show under our umbrellas ("ella, ella, ella" sorry, I can't help it haha)! Dinner at Ang Mo Kio was good too :) (though I wish we'd have more outings in the East hah). In conclusion,

2. Everything looks brighter after your exams :D

3. Despite the *(#$#*^$ construction going on behind my house, I had a good sleep today! It's time to spend more time with my wonderful bed hahah.

4. Time to catch up with friends! Goodness, I MISS ALL OF THEM. It feels like years since we last met up hah.

5. Read, read, read, read, read.

6. GET A TAN.

7. I need a haircut, and eyebrow trim haha. And something to control my pimple outbreak :(

8. Try to lose weight haha. TRY.

9. Pack. Sigh. And settle my pre-term accommodation. And buy alot of nonsense.

10. Heroes ended already!!! WHY. Damn that stupid writers' strike. But oh well, I still have tons of shows to watch, like Grey's Anatomy, Pushing Daisies and 30 Rock haha.

11. Christmas is here :D I'm still deliberating on whether to put up the Christmas tree at home. Maybe when the mood strikes me haha. But I seriously think a tree really helps alot in adding some festive cheer at home hah.

12. Drive! Or rather, cram driving lessons. IT'S DO OR DIE.

13. I have lots to say, but the things I really wanna say I can't (and won't) say here. So there.

Ok, it's time to run off for lunch, and Parkway later haha. I think I'd really really miss Parkway when I'm in the US.

Shouldn't be so complicated
Just hold me and then
Just hold me again

diner dash

"Diner Dash" will be the cause of my downfall.

Hahaha but it's FUN!!! And damn addictive. Ooh I love brainless games. But it's stressful ok!

I hope my mum will get a Wii hahaha!! Then I'd never have to study again :D But of course, she wouldn't, for the same reason.

I am all the days
That you choose to ignore

massacred

Yesterday's paper was a massacre!! A murder of mass proportions!

I was happily skipping questions till I realised there weren't any left to skip haha. The only things that were going through my mind were, 'I dunno, I dunno, I DUNNOO!!!' before they gradually turned into a steady stream of vulgarities. How sad and disheartening.

But life goes on. And the exams must continue. The mugging can't stop! Go, Ade, go!

Oh and I'm beginning to develop this unhealthy dependence on coffee. Crap. I need to wean myself off after the exams.

And if it takes shit to make bliss,
then I feel pretty blissfully

maybe we're fools

4 words: BECAUSE I HAVE TO.

#$#*(@&#^*(@!#

There's a certain thrill in going somewhere totally foreign and unfamiliar to you. Well, to me at least. A place where no one knows you, and you can pretend to be someone else, or be yourself, whichever goes. Sigh, such are the small things I find joy in haha.

I don't know if I want my exams to end quickly or not. Cuz once they end, it means I'm leaving already. And I don't know whether to look forward to my departure, or dread it. OMG. As if constantly worrying over whether I can finish studying isn't enough. I worry too much. Mugging only makes everything worse. Mugging turns me into this sad, depressed, and lonely woman. Haha sucks right.

Ugh, I should seriously stay away from the computer. AWAY FROM ME, EVIL MOUSE!!

And maybe we're fools, who knows
Who knows, who knows

humpty dumpty

I think my feelings are in a state of suspension. I'm neither happy nor sad. I just am.

I'm too tired to feel anything I guess. Tired from mugging. This mugging that never ends.

Btw, the show 'Pushing Daisies' is nice. Go watch. After your (my) exams.

All of the king's horses and all of the king's men
Couldn't pull my heart back together again
All of the physicians and mathematicians too
Failed to stop my heart from breaking in two

Cos all I need is you
I just need you
Yeah you got the glue
So I'm gonna give my heart to you

readings!

I think I know why I don't like to study Political Science - the FREAKING readings! The whole stack of them!

At first I thought, "Oh you know, they're just readings. Shouldn't be too much of a problem." I WAS WRONG. Omg. Readings aren't supposed to be pages and pages (and pages and pages and pages..) of indigestible crap. I don't understand why, if those authors can write in Queen's English and write words like 'tautology' (???), they can't put their ideas across in simple English. And the thing is, they go in circles before presenting their main argument (which explains why our readings come in stacks). So sometimes, you have to read a whole paragraph several times before you finally understand what the author is trying to say.

Also, most of the time, the articles tend to contradict each other. I know the lecturer is trying to get us to see a concept from different perspectives, but HOW DO I KNOW WHICH ONE TO BELIEVE IN??

Argh!! I don't know what I'm reading!! And I don't know if I can finish that whole stack in time!

I think I'm destined to be a Business student haha. Can you imagine if I were in Arts? I'd suffocate under all the readings I have to do. So contrary to belief, Arts students aren't slack haha.

[The fact that I'm blogging everyday means something.]

Don't waste your time on me,
You're already the voice inside my head

come on, give it a go

Hahah it's the season of complaints again!

HELP.

I can't study. Not at home. But I think that's just an excuse for me to not study at home, you know?

And I keep falling asleep! I don't know why. I think I need coffee.

I need to get a tan after the exams too haha.

COME ON, ADE!! YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS.

We don't know what we're doing but we gotta just give it a go
We gotta just give it a go

after the exams

After my exams, I want to:

1) Sleep. ALL I WANT. Without the guilt.

2) Read. No, not my textbooks. I wanna read fiction. I have this whole list of books and authors I wanna check out.

3) Catch up with WWF, PPG, Boran, and f4!! (No they're not boybands.) Oh and the people from church!

4) Get my freaking driver's license. It's taking way too long!

5) Prepare for my trip, ie. buy winter wear, textbooks, make sure I have a place to stay etc.

6) Spend time with my family.

7) Sleep some more.

Haha. That isn't too much right? But first, STUDYYY.

It's all about your cries and kisses
Those first steps that I can't calculate
I need some more of you to take me over

stuck

Ah. Ok, well. It's (supposed) to be mugging season again. Life as a student is bleak. Just when you think all your projects and term papers are over, you realise your exams are looming ahead. SIGH. I feel I just woke up from a nightmare, only to realise I'm in the middle of another nightmare. It's like a nightmare within a nightmare haha.

Anyway, WHERE'S MY SENSE OF URGENCY???

I'm still happily lala-ing away. Like I was out the whole of today, and the only productive thing I did was to finish my Econs tutorial. I need urgency to come back! I need to be more kan cheong!

Oh I just remembered what I wanted to blog about haha. Yesterday, Tony Blair came to NUS to speak about global governance. I watched his speech on NUS webcast, which was quite sad, cuz I really wanted to go but I kinda forgot to sign up till someone reminded me yesterday, and it was already too late. I need to keep my eyes peeled open for events like these, and to learn to take more initiative in such matters, instead of conveniently forgetting about them haha.

He was quite entertaining and humorous. And his ideas were really relevant, like he talked about how interconnected the world is right now, among other stuff like terrorism and climate changes. Oh and how the best way to solve all these problems is to form alliances with each other. I thought it was quite good. Too bad the Q and A session had to be cut short. Haha if only Tony Blair were my Political Science lecturer. I'd go for every lecture man.

Then later that night, I caught the movie 'Lions for Lambs'. It's a political drama by the way, not a cartoon haha. Actually it's more like a documentary cuz it kinda reflects the current sentiment in America regarding the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. I thought that it was quite good, though the ending was quite unsatisfying. You kinda wished there'd be more, but then again, I guess even if there was an ending, it wouldn't really reflect reality. And it'd still be unsatisfying. The dialogue was pretty thought-provoking, though it was quite biased against the current US administration. By the way, the title came about from a quote by a German general during WWI about the British troops, "'Nowhere have I seen such lions led by such lambs." Like the brave ones were being led by the weak and useless.

So there you have it, this is how I spent potential mugging time. But it was worth it la haha. As much as I think politics is interesting, I'd gladly prefer to be politically apathetic, and stay in my own happy bubble. Cuz really, there's no end to it.

And I really really should concentrate on more pressing matters at hand. Like my exams!!! GAHH.

And it's just my luck to end up getting stuck
To everything you are

the fever is near

Ok I take back everything I said about being happier when I'm busy. I'm not. In fact, I'm beginning to feel overwhelmed. There are so many things running through my mind, that I can't even concentrate on what I'm really supposed to do (like uhm, study??). I think it's just me. I tend to worry over things beyond my control. And I have no patience. I don't like to sit there and wait for something to happen, even though theoratically, there's nothing I can do to make my situation better. So I complain, and worry, and worry, and worry some more. And then I get depressed. I think I should learn to let go.

Anyway, I don't really know what to do to get myself out of depression. I could sleep, or I could immerse myself in work. Or I could find company (since misery loves company). Are you supposed to feel better if you're surrounded by happy people, or by people who are more miserable than you? Hmm I don't really know. For me, I think I'd rather be around happy people. Cuz at least I have a higher chance of being infected with their happiness. On the other hand, maybe I'll feel worse off, cuz 'what right do they have to be happy, when I'm feeling so miserable here?'. But that's just selfish. Then again, I could pray about it. But I wonder if I have enough faith for it.

I guess what I really need is for someone to reassure me that everything will be alright, and even if we can't solve my problem, at least I'll feel better and stronger to face it. It's even better if I'm able to forget all my troubles for a while, and just live in the moment, whatever or whoever it may be with. Sadly, there aren't many people in my life who have the ability to make me feel better.

It's ironic how those closest to you can't even tell you're unhappy, yet the people you don't see often are able to read your feelings with just one look at your face. Then again, friends don't need to spend a lot of time with each other to be close.

I have a lot of wants. Too many to count, even. But what I really need is to be content with what I already have.

Ok that's enough rambling for today. It's just my time of the month again.

And the internet at home is really cranky. I'll lose my connection whenever there's a thunderstorm haha. And for some reason, I can't download any songs. Pfft.

So have you been to a place like this?
To see your breath as it paints against the sky
The fever is near
I wish you were here

i've had enough of this parade

I'm damn stressed over this exchange thing man. I have a million and one things to settle! And soon!

My air tickets aren't confirmed yet, but I'm hoping to settle them by tomorrow since flights are becoming fully booked very quickly. I haven't settled my housing applications yet, cuz I'm still waiting for the rest of the exchange pple to decide on which hall to apply for. I have an idea of where I want to stay in already, though. But I don't wanna be extra and stay away from them haha. My course mapping is a mess, though I've more or less settled the modules I want to take. I'm just waiting for Jessie from the dean's office to come back so she can approve my modules.

And then there's the issue of visa applications. This is super frustrating man. I have to fill up 234829734 forms, specially get a 50mm by 50mm photo, pay $160 + US$100 in application fees, book an appointment with the US embassy, and do a million other miscellenaous stuff. Shucks. Why is it so troublesome to go the US??

Oh and I have no idea how to go about settling my finances in the US. Everyone tells me different things man! But this isn't so urgent yet.

Plus I'm kinda worried about loneliness, especially since I'm most likely gonna be travelling there on my own. Actually I'm more concerned about losing my way, given that I'm a blur kok when it comes to directions. And the prospect of being away from home for 6 months is daunting. I don't know if I can survive, or if I'll die from homesickness. I guess I'll get used to being away after a while? If Jan can do it, so can I!!

And yeah, I'm never really lonely though I can be alone, cuz I have the Lord beside me :) What I'm really looking forward to is the travelling I may be doing during the hols next year haha. I'm kinda excited about going to see my aunt in Vancouver haha.

BUT, before all of that, I have to remember to STUDY. EXAMS ARE COMING!!

Argh. I don't foresee any time for rest and relaxation coming up soon. Pfft.

I've had enough of this parade
I'm thinking of the words to say
We open up unfinished parts
Broken up it's only love

take me with you

I'm so tired I think I can sleep for a million years. And why do I get the feeling that my troubles are never gonna end?

I thought that after handing up my term paper (not last minute work ok! I finished it 1 day before heh. Damn proud of myself :D), and today's biz comm presentation, I could relax and start trying to get my life back. It's sad cuz I can't really remember how my life was like before all these dumb deadlines started piling up. But I stick to what I've said. That I'd much rather work towards a deadline (and suffer), than to let my mind wander around in idleness.

The next few weeks are gonna be crazy too. It's time to start catching up on my tutorials and start studying for my exams. Sigh. Then after that I have to prepare for my trip already.

Nevertheless, I wished there was something for me to look forward to. I miss the familiarity of old friends. But there's never enough time.

And I hate it when I'm treated as dispensable. I'm not some freaking recyclable object. You can't throw me away then re-use me again when I'm needed.

Oh how we've shouted, how we've screamed,
Take notice, take interest, take me with you.

i give up

Says everything.

Anyway, the Great Spy Experiment's performing this Sat at Timbre! Aye but I think out of my friends, only erm, 2 or 3 know about them? So I can't really find anyone to go with me haha. How sad.

See, I need to know more pple who share the same tastes in music as me!

and then you do it again

In the past week, I have:

1) Slept at 3am for 3 consecutive days, including one where I slept at 5am.

2) Skipped 1 and a half days of school, including

3) 1 lecture, and 3 tutorials (ok, I skip lectures regularly, but NEVER tutorials)

4) Not done ANY of my tutorials

ALL for the sake of completing my dumb Poli Science essay. Which I realise has no direct relevance to my life, except for making me ponder about whether nationalism is compatible with the liberal state's emphasis on individual rights and freedom, for 1 WHOLE WEEK.

I officially declare this past week "Political Science Week". I literally ate, slept, and breathed Political Science man. And I think all I have to show for it is a crappy six page essay which, although went over the word limit, absolutely made no sense to me. I never realised writing a stupid essay could reduce my life span by half. I'm never taking an Arts module again! Give me a freaking midterm test anytime man. Anything but an essay.

Oh well, but the REAL reason I'm writing this down is to remind myself to NEVER EVER leave term papers/essays/anything that requires intensive crapping, to the last minute. Which is why I'm supposed to be researching for my OM term paper now (production scheduling, radio frequency identification systems, anyone?). Note "supposed". I'm having trouble focussing again!

NO ADE, NOOO. You have to submit this paper on Fri, and you have a presentation to prepare for, ALSO on Fri! AND *gasp* your tutorials!! Don't forget about them!! (Shucks, now I'm talking to myself. )

Therefore I predict another week of hell again. This time probably 93409820 times more horrifying. How delightful.

Cause you say you love me
And then you do it again, you do it again
You say your sorry's
And then you do it again, you do it again

does it end like this?

You close your eyes and kiss your hand then you blow it,
But it isn't meant for me, and I notice.
If the choice was ours alone,
Then why'd we both choose letting go?
Does it end like this?

Time never had a chance to heal your heart
Just a number always counting down to a new start
If you always knew the truth,
Then the world would spin around you.
Are you dizzy yet?

Respectfully, some honesty I'm calling out
Do you hear the conversation we talk about?
I'll back away to the safety of a quiet house
If there's half a chance in this moment
When your eyes meet mine, we show it out.

All talk and not a lot to think, we were living dreams
And shame never crept close to our naked feet
If there's something left to lose,
Then don't let me wear out my shoes
That I still walk in.

I tried, but it rang and rang; I called all night
On a pay phone, remember those from another life?
If everything I meant to you,
You can't lick and seal then fold in two
Then I've been so blind.

Respectfully, some honesty I'm asking now
Do you hear the conversation we talk about?
I'll back away to the safety of a quiet house
If there's half a chance in this moment
When your eyes meet mine, we show it out.

Oh, oh take it all back, take your first, your last, your only.
Oh, oh take it all back, take it all back,
Everything you showed me.
Oh, oh, this must be how it feels when the feeling goes

I told you as I haven't, I never felt this way
You said I have the shot that stops my clock
Baby it's okay
You said you'd never have regrets
Jesus is there someone yet who got that wish?
Did you get yours, babe?

Respectfully, some honesty I'm asking now
Do you hear the conversation we talk about?
I'll back away to the safety of a quiet house
If there's half a chance in this moment
When your eyes meet mine, we show it out.

- Jimmy Eat World, "Dizzy"

random

Some random stuff:

Although my life is a M.E.S.S. (Mug, Eat, Shit, Sleep) right now, I can safely say that I'm quite content. At least my mind doesn't have a chance to wander off , saving me from thinking myself into (unnecessary) depression.

And it gives me a purpose in life, even if this purpose comes with plenty of suffering. I mean, at the end of the day, I still detest deadlines.

I think I'm really very zhu. Yes I finally admit it. I love my sleep and my food. I become grumpy without them. But coffee perks me right up. And makes me really hyper haha. I think I become very crazy when I drink too much coffee. But at least I'm happy when I'm crazy :)

I miss being with my best friends. I miss being able to shoot my mouth off without too much consideration. Cuz I know nothing I say will be held against me. I can't keep anything from them. There are also never really any awkward silent moments with them, cuz there aren't any silences to begin with (I can't shut up when I'm around them haha), and even if there are, our silences are comfortable ones.

I'm happy that I have my dog, Congee, at home. I love it that he's always happy to see me when I come home. A dog's love is unconditional I guess. But it's better if you have some food to bribe him with haha.

Ok I think that's all I have to say.

I'm a beggar and I'm a chooser
I'm accused, I'm an accuser
But nothing's unconditional

tests and unrest

I thought I could finally breathe after today's MA paper (which was ok, thank goodness). But noooo, before I could take a break, I was sucked back into the whirling pit of term papers, projects and tutorials. You know what I did after today's test? I went to Paya Lebar's KFC to do this week's MA tutorial! This is bad, cuz it is totally unlike me. I'm the type who goes straight home to sleep/play/anythingbutstudy after a long week of tests and unrest (they rhyme!). But I didn't today cuz I was afraid of falling into the deadly (but tempting) trap of a long nap if I go home. Nowadays, it's almost a crime to do anything but work; it weighs heavily on your conscience, I tell you.

AAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! My torture has no end!!!!! This tunnel is long, dark and bleak. Where is my light??? I'm chasing an invisible light.

Ok I should stop complaining. The burden in my heart is getting heavier and heavier sigh.

Update: Spastic is now known as Yong Tau Foo! It's a personification of the state of my brains now. Which are like tofu, literally.

If the choice was ours alone,
Then why'd we both choose letting go?
Does it end like this?

Someone please motivate me. I can't seem to focus on studying for MA tomorrow. Argh. I feel like going there to anyhow whack. I was so bored I actually adopted a piece of tofu on Facebook. He's called Spastic by the way (as requested by Kaishi), and Spastic is the first ever talking tofu! Just don't pet him too hard, or he'd disintegrate and I'll need to get another pet (the radish perhaps?).

Rawr. I need to get out. And I need sleep.

Well, here's to living in the moment
'Cause it passed, it passed.

chase this light

I really should be sleeping right now, but I'm too excited haha. Aye actually I think I'm the only one who's excited enough to stay awake over something like this. Yes, 4 of my favourite bands have released new albums!! I know it's nothing worth blogging about, but this is the most exciting thing that has happened to me recently. I have no life I know. Anyway,

Dashboard Confessional - The Shade of Poison Trees

The band who introduced me to the emo genre, though I seldom listen to emo nowadays haha.

New Found Glory - From the Screen to Your Stereo Part II
Although it's just an album of covers and remakes, it's still great to listen to, cuz they really give these old songs a wonderful punk twist.Motion City Soundtrack - Even If It Kills Me
Erm, I haven't listened to (or rather, downloaded) it yet haha.

Jimmy Eat World - Chase This Light
Gasp!! My all-time favourite band!! I've waited 2 years for this! And it's the main reason why I'm willing to stay up till 4am to listen to it. Ok, I downloaded it illegally and it's only supposed to be released on 16 Oct haha. But I promise I'll buy it when it comes out!! I just hope Singaporean stores will carry it.
Jimmy Eat World :D Who cares if they're good-looking or not. They make great music and write wonderful lyrics. I hope I can go to one of their concerts in my lifetime haha.

Anyway, I think I should devote more time to studying and sleeping haha. My hate and love, respectively. I'm really lagging behind sigh.

Because tonight, the world turned in me.
Because right now, I don't dare to breathe.

photo spam

Pictures!! For some reason, I can't post pictures in the order I uploaded them. As in, the earliest ones on the top. So my photos are from the latest to the earliest. Someone please tell me how to do them properly. Anyway, this is briefly what happened during my midterm break. As you can see, I did minimal studying and optimal eating (and sleeping, which is censored, so you won't see anything here haha!). And all these below excludes the Ratatouille and (failed) studying session with Huajia on Mon, and the sushi buffet with Shuqi and Hongsheng on Thurs.

Wed night: Supper at 85 Market with F4! Hazel, Jan, me and Jas!
Joy oh joy!! ALL this food for me!!!!
A ball of tissue paper disguised as a tang yuan. Yes, we like to play with our food haha.
We love oily food!! Actually there are a zillion more pictures, but I'm too lazy to upload all of them, and blogger is frustratingly slow.

Tues: Dinner at Little India with WWF! The debris of our fish head curry, chicken masala, mutton redang, and briyani haha. We were so hungry we forgot to take a picture when the food was still presentable haha.

See la, whole day like to take picture without me looking.

Youth retreat! Housemates: Me, Tess, Shushu, Tim, Roy.

Brothers and sisters :) Or rather, all sisters haha.

At the back of Uncle Alvin's car.

See la, mug what mug. Grow fat only. I'm probably gonna regret it when school opens next week, and my misery begins again. BUT I had lotsa fun this past week!!

Trouble me, disturb me with all your cares and your worries.

Speak to me and let our words build a shelter from the storm.

young adults retreat

I'm back from the Young Adults Retreat at JB! Had a great time there, but I'm super duper tired... Even though technically we did sleep every night, as compared to our previous all-nighter camps. I think it's cuz we're all "old" people already. As in the age range over there was from 18-35, not counting the uncle and auntie leaders haha.

We learnt about the differences in perspectives between men and women. Like we had this poll thing where men and women had to vote on different issues. And this quiz testing us on what we know about men, and what they know about us women haha. In the end, it's all about embracing those differences, and at the same time learning to be godly men and women. And I think women nowadays are becoming more like men, in all the wrong ways. Like they think if men can sleep around and have affairs, they can do it. It's disgusting really.

Anyway, I think it's really great to have much older people amongst us, especially those in their mid 30s, cuz you really get to hear a whole different bunch of perspectives. And then you realise you're really lacking in maturity, both spiritually and mentally, and that you still have a long way to grow up. Yup, and I learnt quite alot about relationships also. Some people surprised with their views on this issue also, like they show maturity beyond their age, which is impressive.

We also had this session where we had to brainstorm on ways to improve our young adults community. And I realised we're really lacking in our prayer lives. Not individually, but for each other. So we're not that involved in each other's spiritual lives, and thus we don't get to grow as much as we can. I guess I only started thinking about this, after Shuqi told me about it, and about what she saw among her other Christian friends. And I think I'm lacking in this area also. I don't share very often among my church friends, even though technically we're very close. And most of the time, I'm too selfish or busy to pray for others except myself. I guess this has to stop, and things have to change.

But we had fun too! Like the hilarious skits, games and just everything in general haha. And it was good to get away from all the problems in Singapore. So I hope we'd have more of this fellowships and gatherings next time :)))

On another note, although this week is my term break, I don't think it can really be considered one haha. There are projects to meet for, term papers to research for, tutorials to do, and of course, friends to catch up with! Especially wwf and ppg! And dear Janice, before she flies off. Just hope that I can get enough rest to see me through the rest of the semester.

And it's the same world, honey, that has brought you down,
As the one that's gonna pick you up.

If a guy sings to me like that I'd marry him right away hahah :)

living just to breathe

I'm tired, and my head is throbbing. I wanna sleep but I can't. I wanna watch tv but I can't. I wanna read but I bloody freaking can't. All because of all the stupid tutorials/projects/nonsense I have to do.

I can't help but feel miserable for myself.

I can't even go out properly cuz there'd be a million gazillion things running through my mind. Every week is like some long, uphill climb, only that there's nothing nice waiting for you at the top. Cuz when you reach the top, there'd only be another steeper, taller hill waiting to be climbed. It's a vicious neverending cycle.

And sometimes I feel that I don't know who I can talk to, as in really talk to. You know there are some pple whom you feel you can trust, but you're not that sure? Or you don't really think they're really interested in listening. Or maybe you've just grown distant from each other. And the silences can become really long, drawn-out and awkward.

I wanna sleep. But there's bloody MA to do. *&*(#&$(*#&!!!

God please grant me rest, patience, perseverance and STRENGTH.

So give me something to believe
Cause I am living just to breathe
And I need something more
To keep on breathing for

like we were free

Wahaha, I finally got our WWF outing pictures from Jamie!

Yay!

The longer the time we spend with each other...

...the lower our IQ drops.

I think my face looked like crap haha. Damn pimples.

The four musketeers.

Then we decided to kill one off to make it three.

Our future careers.

Old times haha.

Come on and we'll sing, like we were free
Push the pedal down watch the world around fly by us