I might be over-thinking or being extremely paranoid, but deep down inside I think I'm just really terrified of commitment.

hashtag: forever alone.

Kinda getting disillusioned with work now.

My portfolio just got a whole lot crappier. And I always feel like I'm forever cleaning up after other people's shit, when it's not even my fault. My objective is to acquire customers, not housekeep. If a promotion (which I'm totally grateful for) means more of this crap, then I'm opting out.

The boss is getting more stressed too, and taking it out on us. Dude, I'm sorry but I can't read your freaking mind.

This whole thing about having to fork out money to get a WORK PHONE (ironic seeing that I work at a PHONE company) is dumb too. Well the alternative is to give up my personal line which I've had for over 10 years, and I refuse to do that.

Conclusion is, I'm starting to see an expiration date to this place.

looking back on 2012, I'd say it's been a great year. 

nothing drastic happened, and the small bumps were smoothed out pretty well.

I guess it could be better described as a year of growth - both at work, and as a person. I wouldn't say I'm a better person, but I definitely learned a lot more about myself.

-

Work-wise, the year started quite traumatically. we were barely holding the fort, and were basically running around like rabbits, patching holes here and there as they appeared. I was this close to the end of my tether. even after the team added some much-needed manpower, it was still quite stressful. a lot of things were top-down and we could only react and do as we're told (very begrudgingly). things happened, and we had to clean up the mess, even though sometimes it wasn't even my fault.

but I still had lots to be thankful about - an awesome teammate, boss (as annoying as he can be a lot of times), and colleagues. they've been really supportive, morale-boosters; people I can whine to, count on for help, and most importantly, let loose and be crazy with. they just make work fun. and honestly, such an environment is really really hard to come by. 

they've taught me to be appreciative, patient, objective (which is difficult cuz we're so close personally), and to be kind to others outside of my circle. cuz sometimes, that's all you really need to get things done quickly in your favour. in the coming year, I hope to be able to expand on all those attributes, especially in the most trying of times. it's easy to lose it and really give it to people cuz they deserve it, and it's in those times that I really need to apply God's grace and love. I've learnt that when you show kindness, it gets paid forward and in ways and times when you need it the most. 

in terms of work performance, I hope to also continue learning and applying. I'm thankful for this forgiving environment, where it's ok to make mistakes. this year, I can't say I'm the new girl anymore and in a sense there's less room for errors. so it's time to be more conscientious, hardworking, and motivated. I'm still trying to find out how to stay motivated, especially when I'm doing something difficult, or when I'm not interested. so that's the challenge for this year - to be enthusiastic and work hard!

-

outside of work, my second trip to Europe was an absolute blast. I had the best time just hanging out at Paris on my own. it showed me that I can be ok and still have fun by myself. or maybe that's not such a good thing, cuz now I don't know how I'm gonna manage if I get a boyfriend haha.

I've also started realizing that dang, I'm getting really old. my friends are getting married off, one by one. so I'm thankful for all the other single friends that I have and can still hang out with. and I still haven't felt the urgency to be attached. in 2013, I'm just gonna continue to be comfortable in my own skin, have fun with friends, and keep all my options open. if he arrives, then he does. I ain't in any rush.

this year should also be the time to be more thankful for my family, and to show it. my grandparents might go anytime soon so it's all the more crucial for me to spend time with them. my parents also deserve a kinder, more loving version of myself, even when they're doing that nagging thing.

-

in short, I just hope to keep it HAPPY and new all year!