eve of the eve

It's the eve of New Year's Eve!

This time last year, I just came back from KL with WWF. It's scary how time always manages to catch you unawares. I honestly cannot remember what happened in 2009 haha.

I don't know if it's good/bad that the past year went by relatively smoothly, to the point of being almost monotonous. But I guess it's good that nothing much has changed, except that more people have gone overseas :(

Oh well, basically I just wanted to say something on 31 December 2009 haha. I'll come back with my reflection later. Too tired to think (I took like 1 full minute just to figure out how to spell "monotonous", the m's and n's were starting to blend together). It's been a crazy week. I look forward to a good long nap this weekend :D and there's some serious bidding to do also! ARgh.

Last but not least, this is an awesome rendition of "Everytime You Go Away".





The pressure is rising
I mean it, it's binding
I've been compromising for you

oh here it goes again

I'm back to complain about work again. Sorry la, I can't complain on fb or msn cuz my boss might see :(

I MISS those days when I didn't have a care in my mind. When I could sleep however late I want, and wake up at lunch time for all I care. When the most important thing I had to worry about was where to go/who to meet. Now, my mind is either revolving around work (the immense load waiting for me everyday), or projects (another gigantic burden on my shoulders), or both. It's like my mind never had a chance to rest after twirling around the entire semester. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE MY DARN HOLIDAYS.

But what to do, I brought this all upon myself. And it's too late to turn back now. At first it was supposed to be about earning some extra $$ for grad trip, but now it looks like my grad trip might not even happen at all :( So not worth it. Note to self: Money should never be the only reason to work when you have every opportunity to slack at home.

This is the first time I've actually forgotten that it's Christmas! And I haven't written any xmas cards!! Sooner or later, I'm gonna lose this tradition. But well Christmas is not supposed to be about that warm fuzzy feeling, but more about reflecting/celebrating Christ's birth.

Seeing all those elderly people hobbling to the stage (most had to walk with canes) to get baptised during today's Hainanese service was really touching. Even though most of them were evidently not strong enough to kneel, they still did so. It's like their love for Christ is so strong that they were willing to go the whole distance in spite of their physical weaknesses. And it's really good to see the joy on their faces after being baptised. It makes me feel ashamed of those times when I've complained about serving in church. If these elderly could find it in them to make the extra step to accept Christ, what more myself, a young and able person? It's also a good reminder that we don't have to do alot to be close to Christ, we only need a willing heart :)

Ok maybe I shouldn't be complaining so much. The most I can do is to try my best to get through this period. There's a reason why the Lord opened the door to this job (no matter how painful it might be). And in spite of the hardship, there's still plenty to be learnt. Something good will come out of this. Most importantly I shouldn't forget who's got my back in all this! :)

Just when you think you're in control,
Just when you think you've got a hold,
Just when you get on a roll,
Oh here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again.

I'm sick again. Irritating irritating irritating!!!

I think I can't balance work and projects. I'm not meant to multi-task. I can facebook while working, but I can't do 2 "work-s" at one time. It's tiring and it's driving me mad. All I want to do is watch TV shows, and sleep in. I don't even have time to be lazy anymore. Excuses, excuses.



There's a chance
I'll start to wonder
If this was the thing to do

Out of the goodness of his heart (and maybe pity), my bro lent me the use of his super powerful laptop for the month of December :D Oh the joy of a speedy computer without constantly being disrupted by frequent hangs, or having to wait 5 secs just to change windows. I hate the thought of going back to my ol' Fujitsu once the new sem starts :S I think this comic really summarizes how I feel towards my computer haha.

So work has been well..TIRING. I do PR (public relations) in the day, and PR (project research) at night. Good times. So far I've even made a few stupid mistakes here and there argh. After one whole sem writing 15 page reports, I don't think I'm capable of flowery descriptive vocabulary anymore. Nvm, 4 more weeeekssss. The good thing is that I sleep early and wake up even earlier. I even managed to wake up at 7am to go cycling today!

Speaking of which, today was really fulfilling although really early mornings are a pain. I'm surprised so many of us managed to make it for our 8am cycling trip :) And it was fun! Leisurely cycling (as opposed to going as far as possible, then chionging like mad to return the bikes on time) rocks. Then after that we went to this Penguin (the publisher) book sale at Singapore Expo and I got like 8 books for $41. Like totally worth it la, considering a book typically costs at least $17 outside.

So I'm still really tired (even after an afternoon nap) and really dreading work :(

Good to know it's all a game

Disappointment has a name

what hols?

I'm still wondering why I ever agreed to work this hols. Ya, like the day before my first day of work right. Or rather, my first half-day. Even though my boss agreed to let me take time off during work for CP meetings and stuff, it doesn't make me feel any better whenever I need to ask for leave.

Plus there's CP and Brandstorm to do this hols. Not to mention, lotsa nua-ing to accomplish. I must think I'm some super woman who's adept at balancing so many tasks. WHAT WAS I THINKING. Nevermind, I shall rise to the challenge!! Ah well, I do need the money. But is money a strong enough motivation?? And how can it be my only motivation?? I know, I'm pathetic.

I hope I can work from home more often this time :S So I don't have to wake up so early haha. After one whole sem of 3am/10am days, I don't know if I can adjust well to a 8am alarm.






You and me
Always between the lines

only in level 4

How on earth am I supposed to cram out 15 pages of essay when I don't even know how to do my introduction??

I hate level 4 modules. But I can't deny that they're really different.

For example, only in MKT 4415 do you get to literally cut and paste SWOTs onto foolscap. So you have sticks of glue and scissors being passed around class during the exam haha. Meanwhile your prof is happily taking photos of you struggling to finish writing in time. Cool.

MNO 4313B is the best:
1) We hand up 2% assignments on Hari Raya and museums.

2) The prof explains the origins and proper technique of using chopsticks during class. And writes and explains Chinese words on transparencies.

3) The prof demonstrates tai-chi in class. And makes everyone stand up to practise "7 Head-to-Toe Exercises".

4) We sing "阿里山的姑娘" and a whole range of international folk songs during the class. Then for the grand finale, we hold hands and sing "Auld Lang Syne".

5) We watch videos (from the 1980s, with the big shoulder pads and glasses) on stress management techniques.

6) And we have to submit 15-paged project papers, in addition to doing an 8 minute individual presentation.

7) All in accordance with the prof's philosophy of "teach less to learn more". He teaches less, but I don't learn much.

I can't wait to see what next sem's module has in store.

So another friend has left to pursue greener pastures. With everyone else working, I'm like the only noob student left. I don't know whether to look forward to, or dread graduation.

Sometimes I feel anti-social. I'm content to wander around alone, or stay at home with a book. I'd rather be with a small group of close friends, than be with a big group of people.

Anyways, I'm really thankful for friends whom I can share my struggles with, who totally understand, and who instead of agreeing with everything I say, actually help me to see what's really important and readjust my priorities. Everyone needs friends like that around them haha.

Whether full or empty it's all the same
It's so easy to see, everyone can agree, you're not to blame

here. and now.

I need coffee to read case studies on coffee.

Le test de francais was tres horrible (I can't type accents or "c"s with the little tails on my laptop). The listening comprehension was incomprehensible, like watching a French movie without the subtitles because you're supposed to fill them in yourself. And the oral test was a case of the blind leading the blind, with me and my partner happily oblivious to our glaring grammatical mistakes. Sad.

Sometimes when I do remarkably well/poor, wayyy above/below my (subpar) expectations, I wonder if it was the same person who did all these things. Like, "WHO is this person?? I for sure couldn't have possibly done this." Random thought.

Suffice to say, I love French, but I don't think I'll be taking French 2 next sem.

I can't wait for this week to be overrrr. Case exam on Thursday! And hopefully after that I won't have to see another case again, ever. 13 cases in 1 sem - sounds like a reality tv show right haha. ("The Amazing Race - 13 countries, 1 million dollars")

And after that, it's 15 pages in 1 week for MNO Culture. Single-spaced. O mon dieu.

Oh, I don't know
What I do know is we're Here and it's Now

O glorious weekend, where hath thou goneth?

One day I shall finish Shakespeare, but in the meantime there's Brym and Lie.

It's always nice to have visiting relatives cuz then you'd be able to go out for nice dinners 3 nights in a row. And get fat. And neglect your homework. Good times.

I don't know whether I should go back to work for my ex-boss in PR this coming break. For one, there's the opportunity to earn some money. It's a new company too, so there's a whole new set of clients. And I know what she's like so there's the learning curve already. But then again, I'm worried she'll make me do the same things I did during my internship, and I remember I wasn't particularly too happy then. And there's the commitment issue, especially with CP and all. It's time to take CP out of cold storage.



A song like this usually makes me wanna pick up piano again. But no, never classical music.

Something I've been pondering about the past few weeks: Do the things I do in my life give it meaning, or is it only because I find meaning in those things? Are both even the same? And where is God in all of this?

"Being like Jesus is not about keeping the rules, going to church, and tithing. It's about knowing His forgiveness, and committing acts of grace and mercy on a consistent basis. It's about living a life that values all people. And it's about having a heart of full surrender to the will of our Father."

How many times have I thought like that?

"And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again." - 2 Corinthians 5:15

When this wild world
Is a big bad hand
Pushing on my back
Do you understand?

her morning elegance

I wish I could live my whole life in bed too.

Did you know that in France, you wish someone luck by saying "merde" which means "shit" in English. For example:

"Hey, merde." "Thanks." and

"I wish you merde."

You have to love the French.

I like my awesome new earphones. They cut off all background noise, and I constantly feel like I'm in a silent film, plus I'm able to sleep more soundly on the bus.

Soon she's down the stairs
Her morning elegance she wears

these words get overused.

My motivators each week:
1) TGIF. Friday!
2) Whatever meetup I have on Friday. It doesn't matter who it's with, as long as I'm away from home/school.
3) Shows: ANTM (with Kaishi, my reality tv buddy haha), Amazing Race, Fringe, HIMYM, BBT, Grey's Anatomy. It's sad that I derive much joy from fiction.
4) Sleeeeep. My sleeping habits are extremely warped, it's scary. I need to readjust during the hols :S

"(500) Days of Summer" was way better than I had imagined (it helped that the male lead was believably charming). It's a realistic portrayal of relationships, I feel. And although it didn't technically have a happy ending, at least it was hopeful. As best summarized by Nina:

"its like love, one min u staunchly believe tt u are in love with this one person for ever. u believe he/she is the one. u think once u've missed him/her u can never ever find someone like him/her. u think its the end bcos true love comes only once in a lifetime and once u missed it, its gone forever. u are willing and prepared to spend the rest of ur life with this one special person who brought light and laughter into ur otherwise gloomy, mundane, boring, life. u never knew tt life could b so much more until he/she showed up miraculously in your life on that one fateful day. u believe in fate and destiny, and possibly miracles and love. u think fate brought u and him, u and her together from millions of strangers. u think u finally found ur soulmate, and u know he loves u too. u thank god for sending someone this amazing to you and u can't ask for more.

n the next min, u realise tt its all fake. ur heart is ripped apart n u feel like a fool. u wonder if u can ever adapt to singlehood and u will never look at man/woman in the same way again. and then u pray to god for someone better to come into you life. u look at ur friends who are happily married or attached and while u truly feel happy for them, u wonder if there is any truth in it. u feel like giving up but nonetheless u don't, bcos its innate in us to dream and hope and remain as a die-hard romantic. u meet different pple and they come and go. each one u think there's mayb a chance until u pick up something and strike him off ur 'plausible' list. u wonder n u ponder. n u wait. n u wait somemore.

for what else is there left to do?

and all these love ideas we get are largely from fictional sources. novels, films, dramas, songs, poems. either from hardcore romantics or the disillusioned skeptics. For someone lying in between will not fall into our black and white area. we want something definite and consistent. we want "i love you "( forever in fine prints). n we want "for me, there is only you" (vice versa in smaller fonts). No 'buts". Regardless is the word. this is why we love promises. its proof. its affirmation. its evidence. its something we can hang onto. its belief.

and for someone, or anyone who says tt they dont believe in love. it is the pride tt is in the way.

there is no need to be embarrassed, or feel foolish, naive.

for love is real, and its here.

Isn't it?"

I think we'll never know what we want until we have it. And well, (romantic) love and happiness are subjective. Comparisons shouldn't be made. And who says you need one to have the other?

I know you feel it, too
These words get overused
When we get up and over it and over them

LINKS is an amazing exercise in futility. It's like nothing you ever do is enough. But it's ok, one more quarter and we're done! It's do or die. But then again, I can't think of anything more we can do. LINKS exists in an illogical parallel universe.

I hate it when I'm sitting in class and I don't understand what's going on even though I'm paying attention. It makes me feel stupid (and wonder how I ever qualified for Honours).

Embarrassingly Bad Driving Incident #3298472987 was well, embarrassingly bad. I'm still waiting for the financial assessment of the damage, as if I'm not broke enough :( But I'm really grateful for the perfect timing of friends, and their assurance that nothing will happen "if you drive at 60km/h" haha :) And thinking back, it really was quite funny. Like rag all over again ("are you sure this part fits here?"). I should've taken a picture haha. But of course during that time I was literally freaking out.

Hello Sociology my friend, we finally meet after half a semester. I think you need a really really open mind to fully comprehend sociology, and think sociologically (whatever that means). It's like having a bird's eye view of society. Plus it's hard to be open when there are quite a few morally grey areas.

Assignments are da bomb. One pagers and essays about museums. Booomz!

Oooh, look at my candy store! I've got gummy bears + Fizzy Fish (thanks shuqi!), Ricolaaaa, and mints! My mugging rations hoho.

It's so easy to ask for everything you want, but so hard to be grateful for things that actually happen especially if they aren't what you had in mind. Then when you look back, you realize how much of an ingrate you were because things turned out way better beyond what you could even imagine. All you had to do was wait :) It may sound confusing, but it makes perfect sense.

But no one is asking so leave it alone
Leave it alone

"We're all susceptible to it, the dread and anxiety of not knowing what's coming. It's pointless in the end, because all the worrying and the making of plans for things that could or could not happen, it only makes things worse. So walk your dog or take a nap. Just whatever you do, stop worrying. Because the only cure for paranoia is to be here, just as you are."

- Meredith, "Grey's Anatomy"

I know I know, I should have been intensely reading "Shopper's Stop" instead. It's really irritating when you know you have a lot to do, but you just can't get started cuz 1) you don't know how to, 2) there are ALWAYS other better things to do (like watching "Grey's Anatomy"), or 3) you just don't want to. Eeks.

The Chain - Ingrid Michaelson

So glide away on soapy heels
And promise not to promise anymore

This term break, I have officially achieved nothing, except to enjoy life to the fullest. Which is the best achievement out of all the 6 recess weeks I've ever had, cuz this is the happiest term break ever haha.

Even the visit to the Peranakan Museum (for school, don't ask) yesterday barely yielded anything. At least I now know Peranakans have a fondness for giant bling, and giant porcelain pots. Being a (an?) NUS student is beneficial because of all the discounts and free entry into museums. Therefore I aim to visit all the museums in Singapore (51 altogether!) before I graduate haha.

I feel like I'm in primary school again, getting the I-don't-wanna-go-to-school-tomorrow syndrome. Especially since F1 increased my travelling time by half an hour. Seriously, what's so nice about seeing a bunch of ugly cars zoom around the track 61 times??

I would like to apply for jobs, but the career services website isn't cooperating :S

	Rosi Golan - Hazy
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

What if I fall and hurt myself?
Would you know how to fix me
What if I went and lost myself?
Would you know where to find me
If I forgot who I am, would you please remind me oh?
Cause without you things go hazy

It's term break! But term break is no break. It just means you have more time to do case studies, assignments and projects. It also gives you time to prepare yourself for hell when school reopens. All the submissions! Surprisingly, this term break is relatively less packed than previous breaks, maybe cuz I have fewer projects.

I've been slacking this past weekend: sleeping, watching shows (Fringe and ANTM!), sleeping, going out, sleeping. Speaking of shows, ANTM's theme this cycle is "petite". Apparently girls my height are considered short in the model industry O.O Tyra Banks must be a towering giant. My favourite shows are starting this week too! "Big Bang Theory" and "How I Met Your Mother"! I'm tempted to start watching other shows too, but I'm afraid I'll just get drawn into the deep dark hole and never return.

Sigh I look at my assignments and feel sad, so I put them away and start slacking again. I think I'll only feel the urgency nearer the end of the week haha. But actually I think I should use this week to get started on my assignments (12-page case study!) and catch up on webcasts :S A student's life is no life.

French tutor: "Dancing iz important! Everyone should dance! Zat's 'ow you release all ze tension and passion in your body, uzzerwise it's released as violence! Ah well, but if you don't dance, then sex works also."

Class: !!!

All of the things I thought were so easy
Just got harder and harder each day

school song

(to the tune of "Home")

This is home, truly.
Where I know I must be.
Where projects wait for me.
Where assignments always flow.

This is home, surely.
As my groupmates tell me.
This is where I won't be alone.
For this is where I hate to be home.

- Xie Kaishi

Next week is horrible. Actually every week is horrible, just that next week is gonna be horribly horrible. And I'm starting to feel the effects of my bad sleeping habits urgh.

Live through this and you won't look back

leçon de français

J’apprends le français.

Je parle un peu français.

Je voudrais visite l’Europe.

Je suis fatigué.

J’aime beaucoup dormir.

Je déteste l’étude!!

C’est très difficile. Merde.

That secret that you know
But don't know how to tell

How to tell a Year 1 student from a Year 4 one:

1) Year 1s look fresh. No wonder they're known as "freshmen". They look carefree and innocent (naive).

2) You hear more laughter from the Year 1s.

3) Year 4s have distinct eye bags.

4) Year 1s' conversations usually involve stuff about bus services, school locations, and mostly about getting lost. Year 4s complain about projects, assignments, fyp, projects, assignments, fyp, projects etc.

5) Year 1s are free enough to play poker in school. (Though I once played 8 straight hours of Bridge in Year 2 hoho.)

6) Year 1s tend to give Year 4s looks of horror/fascination once they discover our seniority. Yes, we're seriously endangered, like dinosaurs. But it's amusing.

Haha just some curious observations in school. I think your "Year 1 radar" becomes most accurate when you're in Year 4. Mostly because you're envious of them :( It wasn't so long ago when I was a blur Year 1 myself. Wah but it's scary how fast time has passed :S

So last week, I left school past 8pm for 3 days and had my dinner/supper at 10pm. Nice. Considering that I'm barely 1/3 into the semester. I might have to start renting an apartment near campus soon. Actually I don't mind staying so late, as long as I keep my free day. Those are extremely sacred.

It's good to meet up with friends and trade horror stories about our miserable lives, and try to outdo one another. We make each other feel better about ourselves haha. It's also nice to be able to speak freely and voice your innermost thoughts and opinions, and know you have people who empathise and understand you. After unloading all your crap and burdens, you feel better able to face the world again :)

I feel really guilty for slacking my entire day away yesterday. It was supposed to be one of those rare days where I can spend the whole day clearing work. Instead I was basking in the glorious light of having a day all for myself. Then it's panic! (in the disco) on Sunday and the rest of the week, till next Saturday. It's a horrible cycle.

Ok tata, gotta go transcribe interviews in Chinese. Urgh.

"Through all this ordeal his root horror had been isolation, and there are no words to express the abyss between isolation and having one ally. It may be conceded to the mathematicians that four is twice two. But two is not twice one; two is two thousand times one. That is why, in spite of a hundred disadvantages, the world will always return to monogamy."

- G.K. Chesterton, "The Man Who Was Thursday"



Oh, desire can cause heart attacks
Oh, desire, it won't bring you back

After years of sending off countless friends overseas, and countless trips to Changi Airport, you'd think I'd have been used to sending another friend off. But no. I think it just gets harder everytime :( Once again, I must ask, "Why can't everyone just stay here and be happy?" Or rather, "WHY CAN'T I GO OVERSEAS TOO??"

Ah, but well, you can't have everything you want. I have to be happy for my friends who are off pursuing greener pastures. I just don't like the feeling of being left behind. I haven't felt this sad about a friend leaving since Janice left, but I guess I'll get over it soon (amidst the mountain of schoolwork).

So here's to Jamie: my dear neighbour, ally, fellow tshirt-shorts-slippers-crumpler friend, chauffeur, and pirate who likes to steal my songs and movies. I'm gonna miss the times when I can just call you up for a meal at Upper East Coast Rd/Parkway (those superb makan times haha), or just to watch a movie; laughing at the most inappropriate times during movies; when we take turns to drive out while the other person navigates; when we'd take the same bus home/out during outings; when you'd come over randomly to watch shows at my house; when we'd make fun of the rest; when we'd be cheapo shits together, going after all the bargains; and of course when you'd listen to all my complaints and nonsense. Wow I didn't realize we did so many things together haha. Actually we don't really meet so often, but at least last time I knew there was someone there I could just call and arrange to meet. Now, she's like 1000 miles away.

I'll really miss her!! Hopefully China won't ban email next, so at least can still talk online haha. But then again, 天下无不散之宴席. She'll be back soon, and WWF will be united again!

On the other hand, now that Jamie's away, Janice going away soon, and the rest all already working, I'm gonna be super lonesome :(( Plus with school sucking so much, I think I might fall into depression soon haha. Ah cannot cannot, I must be positive!

I will have to pull my heart away
'Cos if I never leave I'll ruin yesterday

right now we are here.

"We laugh and laugh, and nothing can ever be sad, no one can be lost, or dead, or far away: right now we are here, and nothing can mar our perfection, or steal the joy of this perfect moment."

- Audrey Niffenegger, "The Time Traveler's Wife"

It's probably been overquoted, but it's still true and means everything. Especially during the past few days :)

3 days into the first week of school, and I already have tons of shit to do. Unfortunately, I don't have the drive or motivation to get started. Argh, why oh why did I ever decide to take up Honours?? Lord, give me the strength to get through the next 2 semesters (or at least the next sem).

A tragedy brings misery
Misery loves company
Company is misleading

And so the last long summer holidays of my life are over. I can't help but feel an immense sense of loss. This time next year, I'll probably (and hopefully) be slogging away at a job. Speaking of which, I have bid goodbye to the sun, sand, and sea at Sentosa. And of course, the wonderful kids there :(

I honestly think I'm gonna die this sem. There are the 2 Level-4 modules I have bravely taken upon (not like I have a choice), and then I stupidly went to take French, not knowing that it's 6 hours a week. I had originally thought it was just two 2-hour lessons per week, but I didn't know that it excluded 2-hour weekly tutorials. Argh. In addition, we still have CP to do. It doesn't help that I'm still quite confused about what's going on.

Anyway, I've just added another series to my list of must-watch/download shows haha. It's called "Fringe" and it's really good, just pure dark disturbing stuff every episode. It's about an FBI team that's supposed to investigate all these weird sci-fi cases that may/may not be a work of terrorism. Like a mix of "X-files" and "Twilight Zone". For example the first episode is about a flesh-eating virus that was released on a plane. And they have all other crazy stuff like time travel, teleportation, genetic hybridization (combining two animals to make one), mind control etc. Super cool la.

Muahaha, I can't believe I'm so excited about all these disturbing stuff. I think it's more like I wanna see what the writers come up with each episode, and it gets better each time. Plus they actually hide clues within each episode that help to solve the case in the next episode! Argh, I hope I have the time to watch when the next season starts.

In between watching shows and agonizing over the coming sem, I've been trying to squeeze as much time as possible with friends who are leaving. It's sad that when one comes back from overseas (albeit for a short while), another one has to fly off for a long time :( Why can't everyone just stay here? And then everyone will be busy with work and school, and it'll be hard to meet up. Sigh. The painful realities of life.

And it's the same world, honey, that made you feel so bad,
That makes you feel so good.

Went for VJC's 25th Anniversary celebration dinner last night. Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that there were extra tickets, I wouldn't have gone. I can't say I really share a strong affinity with VJ haha. Probably cuz the 2 years I spent there were really fleeting, plus half of those 2 years was spent mugging my guts out because I spent the first half of my time there slacking away.

Sure, I had good times too. All those mass dances, random half-days, hysterical screaming at school competitions, and even remedials haha. But in my mind, those were really a shallow kind of happiness? Like even though I was having fun, I remembered feeling quite empty inside. I guess VJ gave me the impression that everything and everyone was really a facade, as compared to what I experienced in Dunman High. Haha oh man I sound really bitter.

I think I really grew up quite a bit in VJ. And, if not for my time in VJ, there wouldn't be a WWF today. So really, the friends I made were the best thing that happened during those 2 years :)

Oh, the Malaysian director Yasmin Ahmad just passed away last night. What an immense loss to the creative world. She was the director behind the family ads in Singapore (eg. the one about the girl being raised by a single father), and a few movies about inter-racial relationships including my favourite "Sepet", about this Malay girl who falls in love with a Chinese boy.

Sigh, I doubt anyone else can pull the audience's heartstrings as well as her.

If the children don't grow up
Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up
We're just a million little gods causing rainstorms
Turning every good thing to rust

Kids are good at diversionary tactics, especially when they know they're going to get scolded.

Me: (with every intention of scolding her) Tara, come here!!
Tara, 6 years old: I love you Adelyne! *gives me a big hug*
Me: Awww, I love you too :D

And all scolding goes out the window. Then I realize I've been tricked.

I didn't know that when parents ask whether their kids were naughty, I'm not supposed to tell them the truth. According to my boss, no parent wants to hear people say their kid was naughty. Instead, I'm supposed to say the child was "active". Ah, welcome to the real world. But if I were a parent, I'd want to know that my child was a brat so I can do something about it. Oh well.

I think in the service industry, when it comes to dealing with people, you can't have set rules on what to do, instead you have to learn from your mistakes. There isn't a script that you can apply to every situation, cuz different people react differently to the same situation. With more time and experience, you learn to read body language and to predict how a person will respond, and from there you learn to say the right things. Till now, I still make stupid mistakes and sometimes say the wrong things to guests, which is quite embarrassing and frustrating especially when you disappoint or, even worse, annoy them. But then again, it's quite rewarding when guests smile and thank you, or when they recognise and greet you even when you're off-duty :)

School's starting soon! And it's my second-last chance to bid for modules, not that I'm gonna miss it haha.

To end off, here's another one of those kid moments:

(We were having a painting contest to see who can draw the nicest lion.)
Me: My lion is yellow!
Tara: (her lion is brown colour) Mine is an Indian lion!

I saw tail lights last night in a dream about my old life.
Everybody leaves, so why, why wouldn't you?

"So much suffering, and we keep getting out of bed in the morning."
"Don't we."
"For some reason."
"We get hungry. We have to pee."

- Andre Dubus, "Dancing After Hours"

Dancing in the dark 'til the tune ends
We're dancing in the dark and it soon ends
We're waltzing in the wonder of why we're here
Time hurries by, we're here and we're gone

Taboo - kids style.

(the word is "bull")

Me: It's an animal, something like a cow. A male cow.

Honey, age 6: Cowboy?

Me: (don't know whether to laugh or cry) Errr no.

Always remember the pact that we made

Too young to die but old isn't great

Alas, nothing interesting has been happening in my life. Well, apart from random movie outings (I think I watched like 3 movies last week), and a significant amount of Guitar Hero hahah. On the work front, Saturday was crazy. Manning the towel stand is harder than it sounds! Not when you're facing a severe towel shortage, and you have to go back and forth from the pool to the laundry room pushing/pulling/maneuvering towering trolleys of towels, while entertaining wet guests who are non-too-pleased about being told they have to wait for their towels. Seriously, a 5-star hotel which doesn't have enough towels doesn't project a very good image. I think it's mostly due to lack of manpower and the fact that we only have 1 cargo lift to handle laundry/housecleaning/room service/flower deliveries.

I think the more I stay at home, the more I binge on nonsense. At least when I go to work I get to exercise by carrying piles of towels, running/screaming after runaway children, paddling rounds in a kayak, etc.

Anyway this is a video of a Malaysian singer called Zee Avi, singing this song in mixed Malay/English. It's quite funny.

Let's go to sleep with clearer heads

And hearts too big to fit our beds

And maybe we won't feel so alone

Before we turn to stone

You know the world is truly globalized when you meet a blond, blue-eyed German boy who was born and raised in India, knows Abacus, and speaks English with an Indian accent. Hahaha it's hilarious, and I never fail to be amused whenever he speaks.

Unfortunately work is still super tiring, but it's getting better gradually. And sometimes it's good to be so exhausted that you KO immediately once you're home. I have nothing else to do anyway. Sheesh, how sad. But the desire to strangle misbehaving kids is still there though haha. I'm kidding.

I realize all I can really talk about is work. Is that a good or bad thing? Then again, if you slap on sunblock every morning, go kayaking, take tram rides, and play board games everyday, is that considered work?

But well, nothing else interesting has been happening in my life. Oh yeah, my bro bought Krispy Kreme donuts from KL! Haha my eyes lighted up immediately when I saw them in the morning :D And for some reason, I really miss New York City :( Random shit.

K I'm falling asleep as I type. I take back what I said. Work is still super tiring. Period.

Take all your reasons and take them away
To the middle of nowhere, and on your way home

On one hand, I really wanna work cuz I need the money. On the other hand, I'm glad whenever I'm not called up for work cuz it's really tiring. Barely 3 days at work, and I feel like I've been working for an entire month. Plus I need a whole day just to recover, so I'm grateful I don't have to work everyday.

Although it might seem like anyone can take care of kids, I really feel like I've learnt alot. This job really teaches you to build up your patience, sometimes stretching it to breaking point. And it's not only just patience with misbehaving kids (or when 3 of them start talking to you all at the same time), it's with their parents too. You really need to learn to smile in the face of fire, especially when you know the other party is being really unreasonable and stupid. At least with kids, they'll listen to you after you explain nicely to them. These adults won't budge till they get their way.

Some Singaporeans need to understand that just because they've paid for the service, it doesn't give them the right to command people to cater to their every whim and fancy, sometimes at the expense of others. At the end of the day, these people may have been able to get what they want, but all they've really succeeded in doing is make a fool of themselves among both staff and the other kids alike. I've never seen such ugly and selfish behaviour in my life, and unfortunately, I suspect there's more to come. Argh.

Therefore I conclude I don't have enough patience to survive the service industry haha. It also makes me better appreciate other service staff when I go out, and I try to be nicer to them haha.

Anyway I think it's true that kids are a reflection of their parents. Besides the really ugly behaviour I've seen, there are the really nice ones on the other end of the spectrum. Them and their parents. There was this 8 year old girl with the biggest heart I've seen, and who's far more mature for her age. She's the kind who will offer help to someone older than her, and who's even willing to give up her spot in a queue to another kid she just met. If I ever have a kid in the future, I really hope he/she will turn out to be like her haha.

I try to imagine a careless life
A scenic world where the sunsets are all
Breathtaking

After 3 and a half days of work, I have: heard about 4-5 different accents (sometimes all in the same day), cleaned up a girl who "poopoo-ed", seen 2 vomitting cases, cleaned/bandaged dozens of injuries ("ouchies"), played Monopoly about a million times, and sworn off having kids forever.
Hahah no I'm kidding about the last one. Kids are an enigma. They're actually more complicated than they seem. Some are really sweet, while others are just pure evil haha. Oh and actually Singaporean kids are more well-behaved than their angmoh counterparts. I don't know if it's the parenting or the education system haha.

For example, there's Anneliese from Australia, who's super adorable. She chose to sit by me instead of the other kids, while we were watching TV :D And she gave me a keychain before she left!

Then there's the 5 year old German girl today, who practically attached herself to me and gave me random hugs :D:D And the 6 year old Korean girl who cuts herself and says to me very matter-of-factly: "See teacher, my leg!", then promptly goes back to whatever she was doing. These are the kids that I was really tempted to kidnap and bring home haha.

Contrast this to other terrors I get. Like this 8 year old girl from England, who really deserves to be spanked. She throws tantrums when she doesn't get her way, and blames others for her own mistakes. And she bawls over the smallest things!

Then there are the Jekyll-and-Hyde kinds. Like this girl from Australia, who threw a fit when I refused to let her stay in the pool longer. The same girl voluntarily shared her money with me during Monopoly after I became bankrupt haha. See, they are complicated beings!!

Haha but ok la, it's not sooo bad.. I do get to eat the lunch buffet for just $3! Though my lunchbreak isn't really a break cuz I have lunch with the kids so I'm technically still working. And I get to have healthier sleeping habits (no more 3am/12pm days!), not like I have a choice though. I'm usually so tired when I get home that I fall asleep by 12am. At least I'm being paid (peanuts) to play with kids! I get to kayak, play board games, and splash around in the pool. Although it's also my fault if anything happens to the kids haha. It's hard to find something else like this elsewhere :)



My eyes were dark
Til you woke me
And told me that opening is just the start

I've recently been hooked on this show called "Chuck". It rocks lor, like it has everything a show should have, ie. action, comedy, drama and romance haha. Mostly the comedy. It's about a nerd who has the government secrets uploaded into his brain, making him very valuable to the country, so they send 2 spies to protect him. And he goes about on all these spy missions to save the world using the intelligence in his head. It's seriously very good, and I'm really glad they renewed the show for a 3rd season, though it's very unfortunate that it'll only start airing in March next year :(

So that's how I spend my time at home. Actually I'm kinda worried about my potential job looking after kids at Sentosa. I'm afraid of something happening to the kids while they're under my watch :S And I seriously hope I'd be able to entertain them, and not let them ride all over me haha.



I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
Now all your love is wasted
Then who the hell was I?
Now I'm breaking at the bridges
And at the end of all your lines

"And that," put in the Director sententiously, "that is the secret of happiness and virtue - liking what you've got to do. All conditioning aims at that: making people like their inescapable social destiny."

"The greater a man's talents, the greater his power to lead astray. It is better that one should suffer than that many should be corrupted. Consider the matter dispassionately, Mr. Foster, and you will see that no offense is so heinous as unorthodoxy of behavior. Murder kills only the individual - and, after all, what is an individual?"

"Our world is not the same as Othello's world. You can't make flivvers without steel-and you can't make tragedies without social instability. The world's stable now. People are happy; they get what they want, and they never want what they can't get."

"You've got to choose between happiness and what people used to call high art."

"Actual happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with the over-compensations for misery. And, of course, stability isn't nearly so spectacular as instability. And being contented has none of the glamour of a good fight against misfortune, none of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal overthrow by passion or doubt. Happiness is never grand."

"The Gods are just. No doubt. But their code of law is dictated, in the last resort, by the people who organize society; providence takes its cue from men."

" 'We are not our own any more than what we possess is our own. We did not make ourselves, we cannot be supreme over ourselves. We are not our own masters. We are God's property. Is it not our happiness thus to view the matter? Is it any happiness or any comfort, to consider that we are our own? It may be thought so by the young and prosperous. These may think it a great thing to have everything, as they suppose, their own way - to depend on no one - to have to think of nothing out of sight, to be without the irksomeness of continual acknowledgment, continual prayer, continual reference of what they do to the will of another. But as time goes on, they, as all men, will find that independence was not made for man - that it is an unnatural state - will do for a while, but will not carry us safely to the end.' " - John Henry Newman

" 'A man grows old; he feels in himself that radical sense of weakness, of listlessness, of discomfort, which accompanies the advance of age; and, feeling thus, imagines himself merely sick, lulling his fears with the notion that this distressing condition is due to some particular cause, from which, as from an illness, he hopes to recover. Vain imaginings! That sickness is old age; and a horrible disease it is. They say that it is the fear of death and of what comes after death that makes men turn to religion as they advance in years. But my own experience has given me the conviction that, quite apart from any such terrors or imaginings, the religious sentiment tends to develop as we grow older; to develop because, as the passions grow calm, as the fancy and sensibilities are less excited and less excitable, our reason becomes less troubled in its working, less obscured by the images, desires and distractions, in which it used to be absorbed; whereupon God emerges as from behind a cloud; our soul feels, sees, turns towards the source of all light; turns naturally and inevitably; for now that all that gave to the world of sensations its life and charm has begun to leak away from us, now that phenomenal existence is no more bolstered up by impressions from within or from without, we feel the need to lean on something that abides, something that will never play us false - a reality, an absolute and everlasting truth. Yes, we inevitably turn to God; for this religious sentiment is of its nature so pure, so delightful to the soul that experiences it, that it makes up to us for all our other losses.' "- Maine de Biran

- Aldous Huxley, "Brave New World"




"Just an after-effect, he tells himself, an after-effect of the invasion. In a while the organism will repair itself, and I, the ghost within it, will be my old self again. But the truth, he knows, is otherwise. His pleasure in living has been snuffed out. Like a leaf on a stream, like a puffball on a breeze, he has begun to float toward his end. He sees it quite clearly, and it fills him with (the word will not go away) despair. The blood of life is leaving his body and despair is taking its place, despair that is like gas, odourless, tasteless, without nourishment. You breathe it in, your limbs relax, you cease to care, even at the moment when the steel touches your throat."

- J.M. Coetzee, "Disgrace"

And so the bumming begins.

I've been travelling around Singapore the past week, going to bo liao places to do bo liao things :D Ok well, it's been sort of educational also. At Little India after my paper (which was quite terrible btw), I learnt about the Indian culinary culture when we tried all kinds of flat dough, from prata to uttapam (ok I don't think I learnt much cuz I still don't know what that is, though it was good hah), and had a vegetarian dinner complete with mock chicken and prawns. Oh and I finally discovered Mustafa!! It's freaking cheap, if you can ignore the clutter.

Then on Thurs, we revisited our childhood when we went to Haw Par Villa. It's become quite old and derelict since I visited like err 10 years ago, which is really sad. Some of the figurines are falling apart, and the ponds have become breeding ground for mosquitos. I wished someone could do more to maintain the place, even though it's actually loss-making cuz there are really few visitors (apart from bored students who have nothing to do). The statues were really life-like and detailed (which just makes them all the more frightening), which is quite a feat considering the place was built in the 1930s. So I think the place deserves to be taken care of, and not left to rot like that.

Other than the excellent workmanship, some of the dioramas were just plain scary, especially the ones of "Hell" (by the way, it costs $1 to go to hell). I can't believe the figures weren't censored or something, cuz there's so much blood and gore! Seriously, all forms of torture and dismemberment were there on display. No wonder I used to have nightmares when I visited as a kid, though my mum had a field day using those gory scenes as a teaching tool: "See, this is what happens when you tell a lie!" *points to scene of man getting his organs ripped out*.

I think we were mostly at HPV to take retarded pictures with the statues haha. Anyway after HPV, we actually travelled all the way to Jurong Point for dinner just for the heck of it. Hahaha, this is boredom to the furthest degree.

And on May Day, I visited this mangrove boardwalk thing at Pasir Ris Park with Jamie and Nina, during which we came to the conclusion that we're not cut out to live it rough in nature (this coming from 2 ex-Guides). Barely 15 mins into the walk, we were already looking for the exit while swatting mosquitos and complaining about the heat hahah. We're sissies. Anyway the walk was ok, we saw a million mudcrabs, gross giant caterpillars, and imaginery mudskippers.

The actual fun thing was actually navigating our way around the roads in Jamie's car haha. Or at least it was fun for me. Woohoo I can navigate with a Street Directory!! But seriously, it's fun to go to places when you have absolutely no idea how to get there and all you have is each other, a car, and a map. But anyway, it's Singapore, so there's a limit to how lost you can possibly get.

Into the wild!!

A few of the gazillion crabs out there.

Everyone say "Eeew!!"

It's a jungle out there.

On Monday, it's the top of the world at Singapore Flyer!!! At only $10 (usual price is $29.90)!! I tell you, it rocks being a student cuz you get all kinds of crazy discounts, which is one of the reasons why I'm happy I only graduate next year :D 1 more year to be a cheapo!! Oh but we didn't manage to get a student price for our movie tickets cuz apparently GV Marina only has discounts for SMU students. What's wrong!! Anyway we failed to negotiate for cheaper tickets with the girl at the box office :( I actually felt bad for her, cuz we kept pushing our luck with her haha ("Can you pretend we're from SMU?").

Oh but the view from the flyer was great! Especially since we went at sunset. I didn't know Singapore was capable of views like these. It'll probably look even nicer once the IR is built, though the flyer tickets will also probably go up.

View of ECP.

Sunset in Singapore :)

I think my house is somewhere out there.

Pretty awesome view.

Yesterday was another baking session at QY's house. Actually we didn't really bake, more like mix stuff and put into the fridge to chill. We made chocolate truffles (which are idiot-proof, except when they fail to solidify after freezing), and some jelly thing QY's mum made for us last time. I think we should give the jelly a name (like err "Strawberry and Marshmallow Surprise"), if not it'll forever be known as "QY's mum's jelly thing". Anyway we made all these stuff for Mother's Day :) And fortunately, my mum loved the stuff haha.

In between going out, I've been reading and watching "How I Met Your Mother". It's hilarious, everyone should watch it.

Anyway, I have given up on finding an internship, and have re-dedicated the next 3 months to fruitful bumming. Which means I slack purposefully, and on a budget of course :D But as of yet, I have no idea what to do. I reallllyy need to earn some money, so I'm hoping I'd be able to find a part-time job or something. I'd like to volunteer somewhere, or learn a new skill. But my problem is I have a short attention span. I get distracted too easily. Once something picks up my interest, I lose it immediately when something else gets my attention. This is bad.

So there, this ends week 1 of "Eng Eng Bo Dai Ji" (which translates to super duper free and nothing to do) haha.

Don't get offended

If I seem absent minded

Just keep telling me facts

And keep making me smile

feels like insomnia ah ah

Don't you just HATE insomnia??? I abhor it. Being the pig I am, sleep is one of the few pleasures in my life and being robbed of sleep involuntarily (excluding the times when it was work-related) just SUCKS.

This usually happens to me when I have to wake up really early the next morning, or when I am particulary troubled (usually the former haha). How ironic to lose sleep, just when you need it the most. Anyway what I really hate is the tossing and turning in the dark, when you can hear every little sound in the house, and when your head is full of crazy thoughts. It's really just the helplessness of it all, because nothing you do seems to be able to lull you to sleep, whether you try to read your notes, read a book, or even count sheep. Then the next morning (after a short nap), I'll get a bad headache and will get all cranky and have to survive on large amounts of coffee. And for the next few nights, you're afraid to go to bed because you have developed a phobia of insomnia haha. Argh it's horrible.

"People were always getting ready for tomorrow. I didnt believe in that. Tomorrow wasnt getting ready for them. It didnt even know they were there."

"You forget what you want to remember, and you remember what you want to forget."

"Listen to me, he said, when your dreams are of some world that never was or some world that never will be, and you're happy again, then you'll have given up. Do you understand? And you can't give up, I won't let you."

"Borrowed time and borrowed world and borrowed eyes with which to sorrow it."

- Cormac McCarthy, "The Road"

Even if you wanted to
Even if you could,
You can't say no

Is it weird if I said I miss school? Ok la, not really the lessons (esp. Prod and Brand eew), but the people. It's kinda sad that many of my friends are already graduating this sem :(

I miss the times spent gossiping about other people in class, complaining about lecturers, doodling on each others' notes, and those Entrep meetings spent thinking up classy and zai names for our products then anyhow making irrational decisions for more serious stuff. Oh and of course camping at QY's house hahah. I'm joking about the last one.

It's been a tough, but enjoyable last sem :) But school's gonna be boring next sem sigh.

I'm extremely bored now. I don't wanna watch webcasts. I don't wanna apply for internships. Speaking of which, I think I should start making backup plans in the (very likely) event that I don't get any internship. I wanna do something meaningful. But not rag, no no.

And I MISS WWF and everyone else!! We better meet up soon before we forget what each other look like hahah.

Never say
You'll never leave
Cuz you'll never know til you try

Rachael Yamagata!

Just came back from the Rachael Yamagata concert I was so excited about. And she did not disappoint!! Honestly, FOB really paled in comparison to Rachael Yamagata (RY). Or maybe I'm just biased cuz I'm a big RY fan haha. But really, tonight's concert felt more personal and sincere, cuz of all the audience interaction and quality performances. Her voice was superb, even though she said she had a cold (she was coughing between verses on one song). That's one cold I wouldn't mind having, cuz she sounded really good haha. I think even better than on CD.

I really enjoy concerts that are intimate, at smaller venues, and that aren't so rowdy. The acoustics are better, and you feel even closer to the singer. RY really made an effort to let the audience know her better, cuz of all the funny banter and interaction. Like about her past relationships and her experiences during the recording of her album. She also revealed some of the inspiration behind her songs, which helped me appreciate the song even more cuz at least I know the context. This also helped the audience to really see her as a person, and not just as a voice, albeit a really good one haha.

Even though she had a cold, and was really suffering after the 25-hour flight (she looked super chui up close, like with puffy eyes and all), her performances were still top-notch, especially those quiet songs where it's just her and her piano/guitar. You can hear all the raw emotion coming through. There was a good mix of songs too, with both quiet and noisier numbers (complete with a full band, including a cellist).

This one's about her intending to cheat on her boyfriend ("evil thoughts"), but not doing so in the end.

I only managed to take a few videos, cuz I didn't want to get scolded by the Esplanade ushers. And it's a pity my camera's zoom isn't very powerful, so I couldn't get a nice shot of her performance :( I did catch her up close during the autograph session though, and as you can see, she looks seriously messed up haha.

All in all, tonight's concert was seriously the best I've ever been to. It's the little personal touch that made the difference, cuz if I only wanted to hear songs I'd rather listen to the CD than go to the concert. If anything, this concert made me a bigger fan! It made me want to rush home and start listening to all her songs again haha. And of course, I can't wait for RY to perform in Singapore again!

It's not about geography or happenstance
Your need to fly and take a chance
Your need to shine to emptiness
And float on high and forever dance alone

This birthday, all I want is to..

Get through tomo. Argh Asian Markets is killing meee!! 10 chapters!! It doesn't help that I have no idea what's going on for Product and Brand, when my test is in 2 hours.

Get a freaking internship. Seriously la, am I that lousy and unqualified??

Go to Europe! Ok maybe that's asking for too much haha. I just want to go overseas.

Otherwise, I realize birthdays become less significant as you get older. Or maybe cuz I'm just too pre-occupied with other things.

And omg, where did the previous year go?? It seemed like only yesterday when I was blindfolded and packed into a car, surprised with a cake, got drunk and puked, among other things haha. And now I'm OLD.

Ok anyway, tata, gotta go salvage my academic life.

by His wounds

Because it is the Good Friday and Easter Sunday weekend, I feel that I should share this video with everyone out there. It's part of an email sent by another friend, and I hope this will be able to touch you as much as it did for me.

Why did this man have to die, if he was innocent?
Then really consider these implications:
-IF this man died for the reason said in the Bible,

1) then we all definitely will face judgment.
2) then we all will face the consequences of our sin--> eternal death and separation from God (this one no joke man)
3) then we all will have no hope, because there is nothing we can do to redeem ourselves, or make ourselves acceptable to God.
4) then only by His Wounds We are Healed--> meaning only His sacrifice make us acceptable to God, because He doesn't see our sins anymore (overlooks it)
But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5
5) then only when we accept this sacrifice, we can have a personal relationship with God,
-we don't need to pay for our sins, we are no longer subject to God's wrath
-and we can have joy in our lives, living it with true purpose and meaning.
-we realise we no longer need to live our lives to please Man or by their standards(which is rather corrupt I have to say), but please God.
-we can look forward to spending eternity with God.

I am really blessed to have a friend who cares so much that she bothers to take time out to type out emails like this to remind me of my priority in life, which is to love and glorify God. And of course the constant need to reach out to others that do not know Him yet. Sometimes we get so carried away with our busy schedules that we forget that the person who is supposed to take top priority is Jesus. Even now, sometimes I forget to behave like a follower of Christ and instead lose myself in the frivolities of the world. And I'm really afraid that one day I may just get so caught up, that I will forget about His sacrifice and take everything for granted. Therefore it is really important to continually renew my faith in Him, and re-examine where He stands in my life.

I'm not trying to convert anyone, and maybe you have heard this all before, but I'm just hoping to share what this important occasion means to me (and to every Christian) :)

"You can sleep when you're dead!"

Look familiar?

And here's the motto of the sem (or rather my whole NUS career):
Haha! 14 more days!!

I hate it when life suddenly throws something at you out of the blue. It leaves you floundering and lost, not to mention extremely stressed. Thus the self-imposed insomnia and ponning school. But I need to get used to this.

Today's project/gossip session was hilarious. Remind me to share the story of the horny, towel-draped, track couple from hall who had a midnight run to the SRC. Oh and the Prince at KE7. Hahah! NUS is happening.

Well now everything dies, baby that's a fact
But maybe everything that dies someday comes back

keep breathing

I'm in an extremely bad mood right now, and I need to vent before I burst from all the pent-up frustration. I think I've already gone past the threshold of stress. Right now, I'm seriously just FED UP with school. With bloody Entrep and the stupid simulation that we spend an average of 4 hours on weekly (that's at least 24 hours in total this sem), all for just a measly 10% of our grade. And for all our hard work, we don't seem to be performing well. There's also the stupid case analysis, which is so freaking confusing. In addition, I still have to do the dumb Drugs and Society poster. And prepare for all the presentations/reports coming up. Not to mention apply for internships, which is an extremely demoralising process. $*(#*$&&*&#^$*&#&#$*&!!!

Sometimes I really question what I'm studying so hard for. Ok maybe cuz my most important role in life right now is to be a student, therefore obviously I should do my best to excel. At first, it gives me some purpose, and maybe some accomplishment when I do well. But after a while, it just gets exhausting. You start wishing there was a deeper level of meaning behind the endless mugging. Like I said before, mugging probably gets you a nice job. But after that, the cycle repeats itself when you strive for the next promotion. So stupid right.

Anyway, sometimes I think I draw too clear a line between my secular and christian life. Is there even supposed to be a line anyway? I know I'm supposed to apply my Christian beliefs and morals into every aspect of my life, but it's hard when you don't wanna feel left out and look like a suaku, especially when the "worldly" way makes more sense. Like when we had a class discussion about whether you, as a manager, should engage in bribery to carry out business overseas, cuz that's the norm in that particular country and bribery makes everything more efficient and effective. The business side of me approves, but my conscience really couldn't take it. So we were arguing about whether morality should play a part in business, and like almost 3/4 of the class says it shouldn't. I disagreed, but I really couldn't think of any concrete points to support my stand, apart from "it just isn't humane or fair". Anyway the conclusion was to do whatever you think you should do, ie. if you don't wanna bribe, then just don't work in that country or quit your company. Which wasn't really a conclusion. Urgh, I shudder to think of all the similar debates and moral dilemmas awaiting me when I graduate.

Anyway what I'm trying to say, is that being in this world, but not of this world is super hard. It's so easy to just go with what the world says, and ignore your religious obligations. And it's quite dangerous cuz if I set aside my beliefs often enough, I won't have much conviction (or even a conscience) left. And I don't wanna be a "Sunday Christian", whose holiness is just long enough to last through church service once a week. But I'm grateful for what a dear friend once said to me, "Before you do all these worldly things, ask yourself if it'll glorify God. If it doesn't, then what for you wanna go ahead and do it? It won't achieve anything."

On a more positive note, contrary to my usual grumbling about long bus rides to/from school, I think sometimes I really enjoy them haha. Although a trip takes an hour, it's actually very scenic. It's like taking a tour bus sometimes haha. When I go to school, there's the Esplanade and Merlion on the left. And the view of Marina Bay at 8am is really superb. I can't wait for the IR to be finished, cuz then the waterfront will look even prettier. And when I'm going home, there's the view of City Hall, the War Memorial, and the tall Swissotel towers. The best time is in the evening, when you get to see the sun setting between the skyscrapers. Nice. I wish I could take pictures but my phone is really laggy (by the time the camera starts, the bus would've already went by), and I don't wanna risk looking like a tourist haha. If you still don't know where I'm talking about, it's the part from Suntec to the Esplanade Bridge.

I wonder why I've never really noticed all these things before, despite taking bus no. 10 almost everyday for the past 3 years. Probably cuz it's only recently that my days begin earlier and end later haha. How sad. Nevertheless, all the nice scenery help to make my day a little bit brighter :)

But all that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing

If I study with a friend, or have a project meeting(s) with friends, does that count as having a social life?

Anyway today's cell group was pretty insightful. I've learnt that for some things, there just isn't any right or wrong answer. Only the consequences are certain. And who am I to decide what happens in others' lives? Right now, the only thing I can do is be patient, and wait. And also learn to forgive. I think having humility is one of the hardest things for me, and that goes along with the art of forgiveness. Recent incidents in my life have pretty much hammered that home. I guess I still need to work (and pray) harder at it.

On a another note, here's a brief summary of our meeting yesterday. And another reason why I'm so grateful for being in the same group as my kakis :D Taken from Juli's blog:

"I feel blessed that I took this module together with pac, ks n ade. Since this is such an energy- and time-consuming project, communication is vital and thus a breeze for us coz we surpass those necessary and irritaiting getting-to-know-each-other formalities. Cut out the crappy stuff and get down to work!

Actually no, we crap A LOT. Projects suck. But doing with people who inject such fun and amusement into your life makes it a whole lot easier to pull through. Today’s discussion was erm… horny-ful. Hahaha… We were thinking of a name for a new brand that starts with the letter ‘V’. And one that sounds nice with ‘Rave’, which is our company name.

Initially we just rattled off V-words and got nowhere so we started googling and came up with: Rave Victorian, Rave Valet, Rave Velocity, Rave Vertical, etc. All didn’t seem nice enough.

Then Rave Virgin came to mind, and then Rave Viagra. Hahaha… some of the components of our advertisement for the microcomputers was to ‘Tackle really big problems’ and ‘Do a wide variety of tasks’. And we squealed in laughter thinking how apt Rave Viagra was for these 2 claims. Super funny la!!! And there was ‘local service’ as well, which was met with an outburst of laughter. And ‘picture people in travel setting’. Just imagine: “Rave Viagra: Anywhere, Anytime”. Wahahaha!!! And dunno why ade mentioned ‘vagina’ somewhere. Omg.

By ‘we’, I mean ks, ade and me. Qy was trying very hard to look engrossed with his laptop and counting the number of dust specks on his screen. In the end we settled with a more civilised and elegant name – Rave Valiant. Damn chio-sounding."

We're the heirs to the glimmering world

get to it, slacker

For some reason, I can't sit myself down and get started on the pile of reports that are due very soon.

I think I tend to wander off whenever I have to do something that I don't know how to do. I keep putting it off until I start to panic, and that's when I'm most productive haha.

Anyway, on a good note, our Entrep presentation was better than expected :D I think the game we played at the beginning really helped to lighten the mood, though content-wise, we did get a few points wrong, or completely missed them out. Or maybe Boyle was in a good mood that day haha. But I don't think we should celebrate yet. Our simulation is still quite screwed up, argh. So there really isn't that much to be happy about. I hope we'd be able to at least earn some profits next quarter. Sometimes though I think it's ok for us to be happy about small achievements, I feel bad that we're celebrating, while other groups that did wayy better are not. So we really need to get our act together and work harder at it.

Oh and I finally finished "Twilight"! Ok la, the last part was more exciting (and maybe cuz I skipped all the lovey-dovey bits) haha. But I still think it's incredibly sexist. Is the girl that weak, that she needs a guy in order to live?? And what's with all the angst? If you like each other that much, then just shut up and get on with it la. Tsk. Ok I shall stop before I offend those that love the book haha.

Sigh ok. I gotta get back to doing a Porter's 5 Forces analysis on the Indian slimming market. Weird, but true. And no, I'm not being racist haha. 

We are always running for the thrill of it, thrill of it
Always pushing up the hill searching for the thrill of it

Comme ci, comme ça.

That's life.

random ramblings

1. Once again: projects, urgh

2. I love Entrepreneurship, and Entrepreneurship loves me!

3. I've had Entrep meetings EVERYDAY since Sunday this past week. Wheee!

4. I'm glad my project groups this sem are fun :) This makes project meetings so much more bearable, especially when I have marathon back-to-back meetings. For example when we listen to weird sms voicemails ("我的马来语是一流的!" and "阿南西教" wahaha!!), or make racist jokes that I can't repeat here.

5. Playing "Guess-the-Sketch" on Facebook during Prod and Brand lesson makes time go by much faster. Though it's hard to stop yourself from bursting out in laughter when other players mistake a toilet bowl for a sofa.

6. I think I'm only upset cuz I'm not used to the sudden flood of work I have to do. Especially since I've been wandering around lala-land for the past month or so.

7. Other than that, I can take it!

8. I'm finally going to watch Rachael Yamagata in concert!! :D:D Yayness!

9. The only bad thing is, I've been spending wayyy too much on concerts :S But I'm sure this one is worth it!

10. Just played this online game called Hotel 626. Super freaky and super retarded. Basically it's this viral marketing campaign by Doritos (although I really don't see the relation), where you're stuck in this spooky hotel and have to do tasks to go to the next level and ultimately escape from the place. The things you have to do are downright freaky la!! Like there's this one where you have to take a picture of a ghost, and another one where you have to sing a lullaby to one. And those things have the tendency to pop out of nowhere and make you pee in your pants!! SIAO LIAO. Haha at least I was playing with Jamie so it wasn't so bad. And we finished the stupid game! Albeit after lotsa screaming and running away from the screen. My bro tried and gave up at level 3 ("I don't dare!!").

So hold me down now, hold me down
A bit of disappointment
And I was restless, I was restless