right in the middle

I like to read happy blogs. Cuz they make me happy :) But then I'd feel miserable over my life, so that's not good :( Blah, random shit.

Rag has been tiring so far. Although we haven't been waking up early on schedule. And the most physically demanding thing I've done so far is to stir starch with a stick. Sigh. But it's been fulfilling. Especially when you're working with a great bunch of friends haha. And I get to cultivate healthy habits like sleeping and waking up early. But I still don't like to pay for my food haha.

Anyway I really hate it when a person manipulates situations so that things will go his way. It's disgusting. Especially when it comes to someone you like. I can understand that you're doing this cuz you really want that person to feel the same way for you, but don't you think it's so fake and desperate of you to twist circumstances like this? And imagine how the person will feel when she finds out what's going on behind the scenes. I'd feel disgusted and turned off. That the person chasing me is actually such a manipulative character. In a way, it's like he's putting everything on a show and lying to me like I'm a 3 year old kid.

If I like someone, I'd want to get to know him first, to confirm how I feel. And of cuz to let him get to know me better. No doubt I'd show him my good side (who wouldn't want to get into the good shoes of the person you like), but I'd never go to such extremes as to put up a grand show to make him think of me as someone he'll like. Even if we manage to get together in the end, the real side of me will eventually come out and if he doesn't like it, then what's the point of everything?

I want someone who knows me and likes me for who I am, even when I'm at my most unglam and uncouth moments. And he must also be someone I'm comfortable being around. Sad to say, there're not many pple with whom I can truly be myself when I'm around them. And sadly, I still don't know what it's like to like someone with all your heart and mind, such that every pore of you yearns for him. And feels empty when he's not around. I don't think I'll ever reach that stage though. I don't like to rely on others, especially guys haha. I don't need someone to hold control over my emotions.

I'm the inside of "I don’t care",
Right in the middle, I’m right in the middle