the fever is near

Ok I take back everything I said about being happier when I'm busy. I'm not. In fact, I'm beginning to feel overwhelmed. There are so many things running through my mind, that I can't even concentrate on what I'm really supposed to do (like uhm, study??). I think it's just me. I tend to worry over things beyond my control. And I have no patience. I don't like to sit there and wait for something to happen, even though theoratically, there's nothing I can do to make my situation better. So I complain, and worry, and worry, and worry some more. And then I get depressed. I think I should learn to let go.

Anyway, I don't really know what to do to get myself out of depression. I could sleep, or I could immerse myself in work. Or I could find company (since misery loves company). Are you supposed to feel better if you're surrounded by happy people, or by people who are more miserable than you? Hmm I don't really know. For me, I think I'd rather be around happy people. Cuz at least I have a higher chance of being infected with their happiness. On the other hand, maybe I'll feel worse off, cuz 'what right do they have to be happy, when I'm feeling so miserable here?'. But that's just selfish. Then again, I could pray about it. But I wonder if I have enough faith for it.

I guess what I really need is for someone to reassure me that everything will be alright, and even if we can't solve my problem, at least I'll feel better and stronger to face it. It's even better if I'm able to forget all my troubles for a while, and just live in the moment, whatever or whoever it may be with. Sadly, there aren't many people in my life who have the ability to make me feel better.

It's ironic how those closest to you can't even tell you're unhappy, yet the people you don't see often are able to read your feelings with just one look at your face. Then again, friends don't need to spend a lot of time with each other to be close.

I have a lot of wants. Too many to count, even. But what I really need is to be content with what I already have.

Ok that's enough rambling for today. It's just my time of the month again.

And the internet at home is really cranky. I'll lose my connection whenever there's a thunderstorm haha. And for some reason, I can't download any songs. Pfft.

So have you been to a place like this?
To see your breath as it paints against the sky
The fever is near
I wish you were here