How to tell a Year 1 student from a Year 4 one:

1) Year 1s look fresh. No wonder they're known as "freshmen". They look carefree and innocent (naive).

2) You hear more laughter from the Year 1s.

3) Year 4s have distinct eye bags.

4) Year 1s' conversations usually involve stuff about bus services, school locations, and mostly about getting lost. Year 4s complain about projects, assignments, fyp, projects, assignments, fyp, projects etc.

5) Year 1s are free enough to play poker in school. (Though I once played 8 straight hours of Bridge in Year 2 hoho.)

6) Year 1s tend to give Year 4s looks of horror/fascination once they discover our seniority. Yes, we're seriously endangered, like dinosaurs. But it's amusing.

Haha just some curious observations in school. I think your "Year 1 radar" becomes most accurate when you're in Year 4. Mostly because you're envious of them :( It wasn't so long ago when I was a blur Year 1 myself. Wah but it's scary how fast time has passed :S

So last week, I left school past 8pm for 3 days and had my dinner/supper at 10pm. Nice. Considering that I'm barely 1/3 into the semester. I might have to start renting an apartment near campus soon. Actually I don't mind staying so late, as long as I keep my free day. Those are extremely sacred.

It's good to meet up with friends and trade horror stories about our miserable lives, and try to outdo one another. We make each other feel better about ourselves haha. It's also nice to be able to speak freely and voice your innermost thoughts and opinions, and know you have people who empathise and understand you. After unloading all your crap and burdens, you feel better able to face the world again :)

I feel really guilty for slacking my entire day away yesterday. It was supposed to be one of those rare days where I can spend the whole day clearing work. Instead I was basking in the glorious light of having a day all for myself. Then it's panic! (in the disco) on Sunday and the rest of the week, till next Saturday. It's a horrible cycle.

Ok tata, gotta go transcribe interviews in Chinese. Urgh.

"Through all this ordeal his root horror had been isolation, and there are no words to express the abyss between isolation and having one ally. It may be conceded to the mathematicians that four is twice two. But two is not twice one; two is two thousand times one. That is why, in spite of a hundred disadvantages, the world will always return to monogamy."

- G.K. Chesterton, "The Man Who Was Thursday"



Oh, desire can cause heart attacks
Oh, desire, it won't bring you back

After years of sending off countless friends overseas, and countless trips to Changi Airport, you'd think I'd have been used to sending another friend off. But no. I think it just gets harder everytime :( Once again, I must ask, "Why can't everyone just stay here and be happy?" Or rather, "WHY CAN'T I GO OVERSEAS TOO??"

Ah, but well, you can't have everything you want. I have to be happy for my friends who are off pursuing greener pastures. I just don't like the feeling of being left behind. I haven't felt this sad about a friend leaving since Janice left, but I guess I'll get over it soon (amidst the mountain of schoolwork).

So here's to Jamie: my dear neighbour, ally, fellow tshirt-shorts-slippers-crumpler friend, chauffeur, and pirate who likes to steal my songs and movies. I'm gonna miss the times when I can just call you up for a meal at Upper East Coast Rd/Parkway (those superb makan times haha), or just to watch a movie; laughing at the most inappropriate times during movies; when we take turns to drive out while the other person navigates; when we'd take the same bus home/out during outings; when you'd come over randomly to watch shows at my house; when we'd make fun of the rest; when we'd be cheapo shits together, going after all the bargains; and of course when you'd listen to all my complaints and nonsense. Wow I didn't realize we did so many things together haha. Actually we don't really meet so often, but at least last time I knew there was someone there I could just call and arrange to meet. Now, she's like 1000 miles away.

I'll really miss her!! Hopefully China won't ban email next, so at least can still talk online haha. But then again, 天下无不散之宴席. She'll be back soon, and WWF will be united again!

On the other hand, now that Jamie's away, Janice going away soon, and the rest all already working, I'm gonna be super lonesome :(( Plus with school sucking so much, I think I might fall into depression soon haha. Ah cannot cannot, I must be positive!

I will have to pull my heart away
'Cos if I never leave I'll ruin yesterday

right now we are here.

"We laugh and laugh, and nothing can ever be sad, no one can be lost, or dead, or far away: right now we are here, and nothing can mar our perfection, or steal the joy of this perfect moment."

- Audrey Niffenegger, "The Time Traveler's Wife"

It's probably been overquoted, but it's still true and means everything. Especially during the past few days :)

3 days into the first week of school, and I already have tons of shit to do. Unfortunately, I don't have the drive or motivation to get started. Argh, why oh why did I ever decide to take up Honours?? Lord, give me the strength to get through the next 2 semesters (or at least the next sem).

A tragedy brings misery
Misery loves company
Company is misleading

And so the last long summer holidays of my life are over. I can't help but feel an immense sense of loss. This time next year, I'll probably (and hopefully) be slogging away at a job. Speaking of which, I have bid goodbye to the sun, sand, and sea at Sentosa. And of course, the wonderful kids there :(

I honestly think I'm gonna die this sem. There are the 2 Level-4 modules I have bravely taken upon (not like I have a choice), and then I stupidly went to take French, not knowing that it's 6 hours a week. I had originally thought it was just two 2-hour lessons per week, but I didn't know that it excluded 2-hour weekly tutorials. Argh. In addition, we still have CP to do. It doesn't help that I'm still quite confused about what's going on.

Anyway, I've just added another series to my list of must-watch/download shows haha. It's called "Fringe" and it's really good, just pure dark disturbing stuff every episode. It's about an FBI team that's supposed to investigate all these weird sci-fi cases that may/may not be a work of terrorism. Like a mix of "X-files" and "Twilight Zone". For example the first episode is about a flesh-eating virus that was released on a plane. And they have all other crazy stuff like time travel, teleportation, genetic hybridization (combining two animals to make one), mind control etc. Super cool la.

Muahaha, I can't believe I'm so excited about all these disturbing stuff. I think it's more like I wanna see what the writers come up with each episode, and it gets better each time. Plus they actually hide clues within each episode that help to solve the case in the next episode! Argh, I hope I have the time to watch when the next season starts.

In between watching shows and agonizing over the coming sem, I've been trying to squeeze as much time as possible with friends who are leaving. It's sad that when one comes back from overseas (albeit for a short while), another one has to fly off for a long time :( Why can't everyone just stay here? And then everyone will be busy with work and school, and it'll be hard to meet up. Sigh. The painful realities of life.

And it's the same world, honey, that made you feel so bad,
That makes you feel so good.

Went for VJC's 25th Anniversary celebration dinner last night. Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that there were extra tickets, I wouldn't have gone. I can't say I really share a strong affinity with VJ haha. Probably cuz the 2 years I spent there were really fleeting, plus half of those 2 years was spent mugging my guts out because I spent the first half of my time there slacking away.

Sure, I had good times too. All those mass dances, random half-days, hysterical screaming at school competitions, and even remedials haha. But in my mind, those were really a shallow kind of happiness? Like even though I was having fun, I remembered feeling quite empty inside. I guess VJ gave me the impression that everything and everyone was really a facade, as compared to what I experienced in Dunman High. Haha oh man I sound really bitter.

I think I really grew up quite a bit in VJ. And, if not for my time in VJ, there wouldn't be a WWF today. So really, the friends I made were the best thing that happened during those 2 years :)

Oh, the Malaysian director Yasmin Ahmad just passed away last night. What an immense loss to the creative world. She was the director behind the family ads in Singapore (eg. the one about the girl being raised by a single father), and a few movies about inter-racial relationships including my favourite "Sepet", about this Malay girl who falls in love with a Chinese boy.

Sigh, I doubt anyone else can pull the audience's heartstrings as well as her.

If the children don't grow up
Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up
We're just a million little gods causing rainstorms
Turning every good thing to rust

Kids are good at diversionary tactics, especially when they know they're going to get scolded.

Me: (with every intention of scolding her) Tara, come here!!
Tara, 6 years old: I love you Adelyne! *gives me a big hug*
Me: Awww, I love you too :D

And all scolding goes out the window. Then I realize I've been tricked.

I didn't know that when parents ask whether their kids were naughty, I'm not supposed to tell them the truth. According to my boss, no parent wants to hear people say their kid was naughty. Instead, I'm supposed to say the child was "active". Ah, welcome to the real world. But if I were a parent, I'd want to know that my child was a brat so I can do something about it. Oh well.

I think in the service industry, when it comes to dealing with people, you can't have set rules on what to do, instead you have to learn from your mistakes. There isn't a script that you can apply to every situation, cuz different people react differently to the same situation. With more time and experience, you learn to read body language and to predict how a person will respond, and from there you learn to say the right things. Till now, I still make stupid mistakes and sometimes say the wrong things to guests, which is quite embarrassing and frustrating especially when you disappoint or, even worse, annoy them. But then again, it's quite rewarding when guests smile and thank you, or when they recognise and greet you even when you're off-duty :)

School's starting soon! And it's my second-last chance to bid for modules, not that I'm gonna miss it haha.

To end off, here's another one of those kid moments:

(We were having a painting contest to see who can draw the nicest lion.)
Me: My lion is yellow!
Tara: (her lion is brown colour) Mine is an Indian lion!

I saw tail lights last night in a dream about my old life.
Everybody leaves, so why, why wouldn't you?

"So much suffering, and we keep getting out of bed in the morning."
"Don't we."
"For some reason."
"We get hungry. We have to pee."

- Andre Dubus, "Dancing After Hours"

Dancing in the dark 'til the tune ends
We're dancing in the dark and it soon ends
We're waltzing in the wonder of why we're here
Time hurries by, we're here and we're gone