This CNY

The bad news: I've eaten waaaayyy too much. All those meals out and CNY goodies. Double impact man. Bleah. My get-fit action plan had better start soon.

School is gonna start again. Shit. Projectstestsprojectstests... Kill me now, please.

The good news: I'm going to watch Fall Out Boy!! Well ok it's not that exciting, considering that I'm $61 poorer and our seats are like far far away. But it's better than nothing :)

I don't care what you think as long as it's about me
The best of us can find happiness in misery

more random thoughts

1. CNY shopping is a freaking pain. Like seriously. I've been hunting up and down for something decent to wear, and I've been everywhere. Like Vivo, Parkway (twice, cuz I love it so much) and Marina Square. But at least I finally found something yay :D Yes, I'm finally gonna wear a dress! Don't laugh ok. I know me wearing a dress is extremely out-of-the-ordinary, but it's NOT funny! Grr.

2. I plan to adopt a healthy lifestyle. That means no late nights if I can help it (yet here I am typing this at 2am), and going to cycle at ECP on Weds aka recreation day! Currently my exercise consists of running for the bus, and climbing/running up (when I'm late) the 8237492837 stairs at NUS. So obviously I need to do more, though the stairs are no mean feat. But I need lots of discipline!

3. I've been reading "Twilight", albeit a bit later than the rest of the world. Sad to say, I'm quite disappointed. For one, the book should come with a warning label in front: "Girls should be warned that Edward Cullen DOES NOT exist." Like come on, the only reason why it is fictional is because good-looking gentlemen like Edward Cullen are either extinct, or don't even exist in the first place. Plus he's a vampire. I found the story quite shallow also. I suspect the girl only likes the vampire cuz he's good-looking, and cuz he's a vampire. But that's just my opinion. Otherwise, the book makes for good reading when you have nothing much to do haha.

4. Speaking of boyfriends, I've come to the conclusion that I want someone who loves God more than he loves me. Cuz all the other good qualities will naturally fall into place after that. And at the end of the day, having a good standing in the Lord's eyes is the most important thing. But oh well, it's all in God's hands. I don't even know if He has someone planned for me, though I do hope He does haha.

5. School unfortunately, still sucks. That never changes haha. I can't decide whether I like super long days and more free days, or short days that start late and end early, but that come with a lot of travelling cuz I have to go to school more often. But at least I get to see my friends :) It makes school much more bearable haha.

6. If everything goes well, WWF will get to go overseas again! Whether it is to look at jellyfish at Micronesia (which is really cool by the way), or to take a train down to Thailand (cuz we're cheap), I'm confident we'll have fun haha. Now I just need to 生 money from somewhere.

Everyone's right and no one is sorry
That's the start and the end of this story

it's okay

I can't explain why I'm dreading the start of the new sem. Usually I'm nonchalant, and it really doesn't matter to me whether or not there is school. But this time, I'm filled with this feeling of dread, sadness and emptiness whenever I think about starting the new sem :(

I think after going through a month of fun, light, and happiness, it's really hard to go back to reality haha. Cold, dark and stupid reality. But it's ok. I'll be ok after a few weeks of school. It all just takes a bit of getting used to.

This sem will be better than the last. For one, I'm determined to do nothing but mug. Actually it doesn't look like I have any other choice, especially since I'm taking 4 Business modules, and a Science GEM that I'm starting to regret taking after looking at the lecture notes. Nevertheless, I'm still gonna try. I will not be distracted by issues that do not concern me. Never again.

But then again, I realise I actually study better when I'm sad haha. It's like a driving force because studying helps me to forget all my sadness. But it's not worth the cost, so it's still quite stupid. Of course I'd still prefer to be happy, like now.

I wish I could go back to my sec school days. A few of us went back to the new DHS just now (at 12am, but the security uncle was nice enough to let us in), on a whim. Even though a few buildings have changed and a few more were added (the canteen has a larger variety of food haha), the place still holds fond memories. Every nook and cranny of the school reminds me of something. I can even remember the names of the teachers, and all their funny characteristics haha. Those days will always be the best of my life.

It's okay if you can't stay long
It's okay if all our answers are wrong
It's okay if you want to move on

pick me up

"The fact is always obvious much too late, but the most singular difference between happiness and joy is that happiness is a solid and joy a liquid."
- J.D. Salinger, "Nine Stories"

I've never really understood what that quote meant. To me, it can mean that happiness is more substantial than joy. On the other hand, it can also mean that joy is able to take on any form, like how a liquid is able to conform to the shape of any container it is put in. I choose to believe it is the latter.

But I haven't been able to find pure joy yet. The ability to be happy in whatever circumstance I find myself in, whether good or bad. To find a bigger meaning behind everything that happens in my life. So far, my happiness has largely been dependent on the situation I'm in, which is quite worrying because I wonder what will become of me when I start working. I can't imagine going to the same place everyday, at the same time, to see the same people, and to do the same mundane tasks over and over again. For the rest of my life. It's terrifying. And I don't ever wanna live like that.

So I guess the only thing I can do, is not so much to change the situation around me, but to change myself and my attitude towards life. If I can find joy in the little things around me, and give thanks for everything life throws at me (including all the disgusting bits), then I guess that will make everyday seem a little brighter.



I still can't get over Ryan Adams haha. It's like a different experience everytime I listen to his songs.

I wish you would
Come pick me up

Year in Review 2008

Ok, here’s my annual year-in-review, a reflection of sorts. Hmm so this year has been quite a milestone (I turned 21!), therefore it’s quite fitting that so many things have happened that have taught me more about myself.

1. Happiness is what you make of it. I can choose to be happy, or I can choose to be miserable. It’s easier said than done, but it can be done. It’s better to be happy, and hopefully it’ll overflow and make others happy as well. But of course, you should be happy for the right reasons.

2. I should never let my universe revolve around human beings, because humans are unreliable and disappointing. They will never be able to always live up to your expectations. They can also never be there for you as much as you would’ve liked. I’ve let my actions, thoughts, and even emotions, be governed by the actions of others so much that I’m afraid I might have lost myself along the way. I need to find my way back to living for the Lord. That doesn’t mean I’m gonna ignore others around me; it just means I don’t live for them. I like to make people happy, but I won’t let their lives be the reasons for mine.

3. I’ve made a big mistake of imposing my opinions on others, which is probably a consequence of the point above. I’ve made their lives so big a part of mine that it’s become more of what I want, and less of what they want. I’ve been too blinded by what I think is ‘right’, that I failed to see that my perception of ‘right’ is different from theirs. I failed to speak less and listen more, and put my own feelings above theirs. I’ve always prided myself in being a good listener but I guess I might’ve lost that somehow. I now know I should’ve let others’ personal lives stay that way, which is to be personal. I also need to learn when to back off.

4. My trip to the US has shown me that I am able to depend on myself. On the other hand, it has also shown me that despite being independent, I still need others around to support me. If not for Lauren and my roommate, I’d not have experienced that much. Also, I really yearn to travel again. I’m serious. Going to a foreign country brings you out of your comfort zone, and you’re more willing to be adventurous and take more risks, which allow you to learn. But alas, I can’t afford to travel as much as I would’ve liked.

5. I need to be more patient. It’s ok if things don’t turn out the way I want them to. I just have to find another way around the problem. Losing my temper or going around pointing fingers won’t help. Also, I need more humility because it’s ok to not know everything sometimes. Instead of trying to look smart, all I really have to do is open my mouth and ask, even though it might make me look stupid haha.

6. I need to work harder at accepting people for who they are, instead of always trying to change them to suit my own standards. I mean, well, I accept my friends and all their flaws, but that’s only after I’ve known them for years (and also kinda because I’ve long given up trying to change them haha, just kidding). If these people aren’t who they are, along with all their little nuances, they wouldn’t be different from anyone else, and they wouldn’t have made me who I am today. Sure, their bad habits do irritate me sometimes, but this is who they are, and I need to be able to accept everything as a whole package, instead of just accepting the good and trying to banish the bad. Cuz well, I’m not perfect, yet no one really tells me off for being like that.

7. I should stop forming my relationships with others on a tit-for-tat basis. When it comes to friendships, it’s ok to not receive as much as you give. Getting back less than what you think you deserve is ok. Then again, giving is better than receiving. And it makes me happy whenever I’ve made someone else happy.

8. My friends and family are the most amazing blessings God has given me. They’ve been there for me when I was in my lowest points, whether it was to listen to my (trivial) complaints, give me advice, or to just be there. And of course, they were there to share my joys as well. In fact, they are the ones who make me really happy haha. They let me be myself, and I can’t hide anything from them. Plus they keep me grounded, and are not afraid to tell me off whenever I’m being stupid. Most importantly, nothing’s ever boring when I have them around haha. And this Dec holiday has only affirmed to me how important they mean to me. Despite some shitty incidents that have happened, they have managed to help me feel better about everything. So I’m gonna be really sad when school starts and we have less time to meet up, especially when a few of them go overseas.

9. And of course, the Lord has stuck close to me through 2008, like He always has. He has shown me that despite the bad times, there will also be good times. And every moment is something to be learned from. I might not be able to see the reasons behind everything, but at least I have His reassurance that it’s all for a greater purpose. He has comforted me through my lowest moments, and given me joy through the people He put in my life.

‘Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.’
- Psalms 25:4-5

10. For 2009, I hope past wrongs and mistakes will be forgotten (and learnt from), and that it’ll be a better and brighter year.

We cannot take a single step
Without these ashes covering our feet
And all these failing dreams
Are burning in the streets

The Great Escape!

I'm back from the land of "Truly Asia"! The best 5 days anyone could ever have! Not that we did the most fantastic things (we only went to Cameron Highlands and KL), cuz it's the company that really made the difference :D Honestly, whenever we're together, we could be doing the most boring thing on earth, and still be entertained. The past 5 days will surely keep me motivated and afloat for the rest of the semester, through whatever shit I might be going through.

1. Each of us had a role during the trip. Simin was the 队长/Programmes Head/Slave Driver, Jamie was the Welfare Head, Pei was the 2nd Welfare Head/Food IC, Nina was Navigator/Miscellaneous, and I was the 副队长/Logistics/Sai Kang Warrior/Slave.

2. Long bus rides. I think we spent like 21 hours in buses. Firstly, we had to take a 11-hour coach ride to Cameron Highlands on Fri night. Walao, the coach had to drop off some other passengers at Genting Highlands first. So we climbed up the mountain on the bus with the rest of them, before realizing we were going up the wrong highlands. Then near the top of Genting, we switched to a van which brought us down Genting, and brought us up Cameron. So basically, we climbed 2 mountains in one night. Nice. It was also 5 hours from Cameron to KL on the third day, and another 5 hours from KL to Singapore on the last day. Plus I was mostly sitting at the back, so I absorbed most of the impact from the bumps on the roads ahha. So basically I was bouncing up and down on my seat, and getting a bruise from bumping my head against the headrest repeatedly. Oh well, at least the bus(es) didn't break down.

3. Going up Cameron is a nightmare. The place is just a long, winding maze of ascending roads. So it's like this endless rollercoaster of twists and turns. The roads are kinda narrow at some parts too, so you really need skill to navigate them. And sometimes, when cars meet along a narrow turn, it turns into a "who can fit the most cars into the tightest space" thing which can be quite scary. I bet if I were the one driving, we would've have gone off the mountain at the first turn haha. So yeah, I really respect the drivers there.

4. Cameron Highlands is all about strawberries, oranges, honey and tea. We joined this countryside tour conducted by our hotel where we went to farms and a tea plantation. It was quite boring, though the view was really great and the air was fresh and clean. I think we didn't really enjoy it also cuz we were quite seh from the bus ride the night before, so we KO-ed whenever we were in the van.

5. KL isn't really as cheap as it's made out to be. The malls are just bigger versions of those in Singapore, and the brands there are about the same price. So it made shopping pretty pointless haha. We watched a movie the first day we were there though, cuz tickets are cheaper :D 'Australia' (the movie) was quite good. Cheesy, but entertaining and quite touching haha. And I realize we have this habit of talking during movies and laughing at the most inappropriate times. Someone could be dying on screen and we will still be able to find something funny in that. This was probably why the man sitting next to Pei changed his seat before the movie even started haha. We must have terrified him.

6. Being in KL really makes you appreciate the public transport system we have in Singapore. We had to change train systems (and lines), so we had to buy tickets everytime we had to go onto another line, instead of just buying a full-day pass. But ok la, at least there was public transport.

7. I've never eaten so much in just a few days. Like seriously. I think my stomach expanded to twice its normal size after this trip hahah. The first night at Cameron, we went to eat steamboat, where they had free refills of vegetables. And we asked for like 3 refills, and an additional refill of beehoon. So our soup was basically swimming with vegetables and beehoon. In fact, the soup actually turned green haha. And I didn't know beehoon expanded in soup, cuz suddenly we had lots and lots to eat. Plus we refilled our soup like I think about 10 times? It's a surprise we didn't scare the waitresses ('Wah 5 个小妹可以吃这样多!!'). We ate so much we could barely walk, and I looked like I had a pregnant belly hoho. Ya and after that, we went for dessert, and later that night, we ate the strawberries and oranges (that I horribly mutilated while peeling) that we had bought. Shiok.

This was basically the pattern throughout the trip haha. Eat a big meal, then go for more. Otherwise known as 去到哪里, 吃到哪里 muahah.

8. This trip was also the first time where I actually went on a Viking ship ride. We were at Sunway Lagoon and I didn't know what possessed me to agree to go on it (I think it was peer pressure). I used to be really terrified of them cuz they look puke-inducing. After the ride, I think I became more terrified hahah. Just thinking about the ride gives me the chills. The thing goes 360 degrees man! And not only that, it HANGS in mid-air for a few seconds!! I think I saw my life flash pass my eyes when I was hanging horizontally to the ground, with my fate depending entirely on the harnesses holding me to my seat. And of course I was screaming my lungs out ("FreakfreakfreakfreakFREEEEEEAKKKKK!!!"). Beside me, Pei was going, "Freak!! This was worse than I thought!!", while Jamie was laughing and having a great time. Hail the queen of rollercoasters. She laughs in the face of danger.

9. Sunway Lagoon wasn't as entertaining as the advertisements make it out to be. We bought the pass for the Water Park (which we didn't manage to go to), the Adventure Park (where all the rollercoasters are), and the Scream Park (which was a complete waste of 20 minutes of my life). We tried almost all the rides though, which were quite fun, the most exciting moment being the one where Pei fell off her seat at the relatively mild "Grand Canyon River Rapids" (it's just a round boat going down a 'river') hahaha. I think the Scream Park was supposed to be scary, cuz it's like this haunted house thing, but we failed to be scared. Mostly cuz the ghosts were lame (they blew air at us, and we could see them before they came at us), and cuz us being us, we mostly laughed at them (especially Jamie).

10. I was 'raped' by my friends. Or rather, they taupok-ed me. Omg I had like 3 girls piled on top of me, while the other one was happily taking pictures. FUN. But the next day we taupok-ed our 队长 haha. It was crazy, and I shall be traumatised forever. But I still love them :D

Round 1 - at first there were 2..
...then the pile became 3. I think I was starting to have trouble breathing haha.
Round 2 - at least I looked happy hahah
Round 3 - Simin's turn. You can't really see her though hahaha.

11. Our accommodation was ok. Though we found black stuff on our sheets at our hotel at Cameron. Our hotel at KL was the best la. I think there was this prostitution ring going on at our level, especially next door. Simin said she heard loud sounds of the wrong type of business coming from next door early in the morning. And there were several women in scantily clad clothing coming in and out of the room throughout the night. Gross shit. But oh well, what to do, we were on a budget and that's what you get for staying at cheap places haha.

12. I now have a few more names to add to my repertoire of pig-related nicknames, them being "babi girl" (a variation of Barbie), and "ba kwa". Sigh, the abuse I go through in the name of friendship haha.

In short, our trip was GREAT :D I think I'm gonna suffer from withdrawal symptoms once the semester starts. Without our endless crapping, name-calling, random bursts of songs (and nonsensical substituting of lyrics), inside jokes, spontaneity, auntie-ness, and the general willingness to be stupid wherever we are, life is gonna be super boring. I think to us, age is only a number hahha. Examples to illustrate my point:

Titanic at the Petronas Towers.

Spider pig!

We look like a pair of robbers. Actually we just put our jackets on back-to-front, and covered our faces with the hoods ahaha. That's what you do to entertain yourself on a 5-hour bus ride.

PS. I only have a few photos here cuz it's a pain to upload on blogger. And on a sidenote: the perdan Janice is back! One more person to bully, yay :D

Yeah, I know we long for something fine

When we pine for higher ceilings

And bourgeois happy feelings

blessed :)

At the risk of jinxing myself, I hereby declare that I'm very happy :)) In fact, the happiest that I've been in a veryyy long time. No I did not just get a bf, nor did I win the lottery. It's just that recent events in my life have made me realize how blessed and fortunate I am.

I very narrowly got myself killed in an accident just now. 100% raw excitement man. My heart is still racing now. It's only by the grace of God (and other drivers) that I'm still alive here. OMG I swear I'm never gonna drive like that again. Like Hazel said, "Your mum probably still lets you drive cuz she doesn't sit in your car very often." Which is true, cuz if she ever saw what happened tonight, she'd ban me from driving forever. So yes, thank God I'm still here.

My results were ok, in that I guess it reflected the amount of effort I put in, though I wished my CAP could've improved by more haha. But still. And thank God I didn't fail my E-Commerce wahaha. But I'm still gonna S/U it.

My friends are the biggest, and most important, reason for my joy :D I'm very thankful God put this wonderful bunch of people in my life. People who understand me, whom I can happily crap around (and be 'auntie') with, and who can reduce me into tears of laughter. For example, during our WWF-finally-get-to-go-to-Teo-Heng session today, we were happily doing the actions to all those cheesy boyband songs and laughing at all those videos featuring random angmoh women who have absolutely no relation to the song (especially for English songs). I love it that we become this extremely siao and crazy bunch of people whenever we get together. WWF stands for "Wild Women Foundation" by the way :D

Also, I love the Backstreet Boys, but seriously I think they're too drama and 'act emo' already, especially that Nick Carter. Go check out the video for "Drowning" if you don't believe me. And I can't believe I actually listened to S Club 7 when I was younger. Their lyrics are downright cheesy ("Loving you is not just luck or illusion/It's in the make-up of our DNA", like omg). And Aqua is unhealthy for kids, cuz their lyrics are really quite porno ("Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky", hahaha!). Luckily my parents never listened closely to my music when I was younger, if not confirm kena ban. In fact, I think I actually own an Aqua cd wahaha!

Anyway, Christmas is here! The season for giving (and receiving :D)! But we shouldn't forget the true meaning of this day, which is that God became man in order to die for our sins so that we might be saved. I never fail to marvel at this. You might think a god as mighty as our Lord would've just easily used His powers to save us, but instead He went the opposite way and reduced Himself to the status of a human, even putting Himself through the shame of dying on a cross to save His people, who still continue to sin against Him over and over again.

"And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son."
- 1 John 5:11

Indeed, I believe that if not for His continual blessings, I wouldn't be where I am today. So therefore, this season is the perfect time to reflect upon what He has given to us, and hopefully from there, our blessings will overflow and touch the lives of others :)

Hey, love, we'll get away with it
We'll run like we're awesome, totally genius