I just realised today is Friday the 13th! Spooky.

Anyway, my laptop SUCKS. Someone please teach me how to reformat! Or better, please donate money so I can get a new one. I'm really worried it'll suddenly just die on me while I'm doing work and destroy everything I've done. Bah, technology.

Fall Out Boy on Tuesday was great! The energy was great, and the performance superb haha. It's just a continuous stream of songs. And I loved the LED guitars they had! But I thought they could've performed longer. 1 hour is too short! Also, we were sitting too far away from all the action (cheap what, what to do haha), even though we did illegally move like a whole section nearer haha. Plus there were all these crazy angmoh kids, who were really scary. Some of them came with their parents in tow, so there were quite a few middle-aged folks there too, which made us feel slightly younger amidst all the tweens haha.

You know I feel so mentally detached from school. I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I'm like lagging behind in webcasts, and I'm not entirely sure when some of my deadlines are. THIS IS BAD. I need to come back to reality!

Lastly, for this Valentine's Day, I just want to say that though I'm not very content to be single right now, it's good enough that at least I have people to spend it with. Then again, Vday was probably invented by Hallmark to squeeze every penny from couples everywhere. It's just a DAY. But I'm being bitter again haha.

I'm casually obsessed and I've forgiven death,
I am indifferent, yet (I am a total wreck)
I'm every cliche, but I simply do it best.

Over and Out

1. Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Hold Your Breath - The Acorn

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Seen It All Before - Amos Lee (does this mean I'm cynical about love?)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Things I Don't Understand - Coldplay (yeah I don't understand what I'm supposed to be studying)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Bodysnatchers - Radiohead (huh?)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Take It Home - The White Tie Affair

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Fill Me Up - Shaun Colvin ("cheer me up, cheer me up, cuz you're all that I've got" Wow I'm honoured)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Plenty - Sarah McLachlan (plenty of money? hahah)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Either Way, I'll Break Your Heart Someday - Augustana (yeah my lifelong ambition is to be a heartbreaker -_-)

WHAT IS 2+2?
Night Drive - Jimmy Eat World (because I think better at night)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Stop This Train - John Mayer (this thing just keeps getting weirder and weirder)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Lovegame - Lady GaGa (HAHAHA! Oh FYI I do not like anyone right now)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
How Do You Keep Love Alive - Ryan Adams (this is just SAD)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Use Me to Use You - Trapt (no, I don't want to be used)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I Won't Be Left - Tegan and Sara ("I won't be left dancing alone to songs from the past..")

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
In Your Apartment - Charlotte Sometimes (they can't wait for me to move out I think)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Bouncing Off Clouds - Tori Amos (yay!)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Vertigo - U2 (hahaha!)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
#41 - Dave Matthews Band (errr..?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Follow Me - Rufio (ehh, no offence ok.)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Long Division - Death Cab for Cutie ("to be a remain, remain, remain, remainder")

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Turn Back the Clock - Johnny Hates Jazz (I don't wanna dieeee, hahah)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Relative Surplus Value - The Weakerthans (when I pay too much for something that's worth less haha)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Second Hand Stores - Athlete (HAHA, no! I'm not a cheapo!!)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
For Me This is Heaven - Jimmy Eat World (hmm this is quite a beautiful song "When the time we have now ends/When the big hand goes round again/Can you still feel the butterflies?/Can you still hear the last goodnight?")

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Kiwi - Maroon 5 (wth? does this mean I'll get married to someone from NZ haha)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Crazy - K-Ci and Jo Jo (hahaha!!)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Joy to the World - Corrinne May (Jesus loves me!)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Cinema Paradiso Love Theme - Itzhak Perlman (I didn't know I had this song haha, anyway it's an instrumental song)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
These Backs Are Made For Stabbing - Hit the Lights (HAHA! this thing is hilarious!)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Over and Out - Alkaline Trio (how very fitting)

Ok, so I just wasted 30 mins of my life like that. But this is fun!

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, unremembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea.
Quick now, here, now, always —
A condition of complete simplicity
(Costing not less than everything)
And all shall be well and
All manner of thing shall be well
When the tongues of flame are in-folded
Into the crowned knot of fire
And the fire and the rose are one.

- T.S. Eliot, "Little Gidding"

This CNY

The bad news: I've eaten waaaayyy too much. All those meals out and CNY goodies. Double impact man. Bleah. My get-fit action plan had better start soon.

School is gonna start again. Shit. Projectstestsprojectstests... Kill me now, please.

The good news: I'm going to watch Fall Out Boy!! Well ok it's not that exciting, considering that I'm $61 poorer and our seats are like far far away. But it's better than nothing :)

I don't care what you think as long as it's about me
The best of us can find happiness in misery

more random thoughts

1. CNY shopping is a freaking pain. Like seriously. I've been hunting up and down for something decent to wear, and I've been everywhere. Like Vivo, Parkway (twice, cuz I love it so much) and Marina Square. But at least I finally found something yay :D Yes, I'm finally gonna wear a dress! Don't laugh ok. I know me wearing a dress is extremely out-of-the-ordinary, but it's NOT funny! Grr.

2. I plan to adopt a healthy lifestyle. That means no late nights if I can help it (yet here I am typing this at 2am), and going to cycle at ECP on Weds aka recreation day! Currently my exercise consists of running for the bus, and climbing/running up (when I'm late) the 8237492837 stairs at NUS. So obviously I need to do more, though the stairs are no mean feat. But I need lots of discipline!

3. I've been reading "Twilight", albeit a bit later than the rest of the world. Sad to say, I'm quite disappointed. For one, the book should come with a warning label in front: "Girls should be warned that Edward Cullen DOES NOT exist." Like come on, the only reason why it is fictional is because good-looking gentlemen like Edward Cullen are either extinct, or don't even exist in the first place. Plus he's a vampire. I found the story quite shallow also. I suspect the girl only likes the vampire cuz he's good-looking, and cuz he's a vampire. But that's just my opinion. Otherwise, the book makes for good reading when you have nothing much to do haha.

4. Speaking of boyfriends, I've come to the conclusion that I want someone who loves God more than he loves me. Cuz all the other good qualities will naturally fall into place after that. And at the end of the day, having a good standing in the Lord's eyes is the most important thing. But oh well, it's all in God's hands. I don't even know if He has someone planned for me, though I do hope He does haha.

5. School unfortunately, still sucks. That never changes haha. I can't decide whether I like super long days and more free days, or short days that start late and end early, but that come with a lot of travelling cuz I have to go to school more often. But at least I get to see my friends :) It makes school much more bearable haha.

6. If everything goes well, WWF will get to go overseas again! Whether it is to look at jellyfish at Micronesia (which is really cool by the way), or to take a train down to Thailand (cuz we're cheap), I'm confident we'll have fun haha. Now I just need to 生 money from somewhere.

Everyone's right and no one is sorry
That's the start and the end of this story

it's okay

I can't explain why I'm dreading the start of the new sem. Usually I'm nonchalant, and it really doesn't matter to me whether or not there is school. But this time, I'm filled with this feeling of dread, sadness and emptiness whenever I think about starting the new sem :(

I think after going through a month of fun, light, and happiness, it's really hard to go back to reality haha. Cold, dark and stupid reality. But it's ok. I'll be ok after a few weeks of school. It all just takes a bit of getting used to.

This sem will be better than the last. For one, I'm determined to do nothing but mug. Actually it doesn't look like I have any other choice, especially since I'm taking 4 Business modules, and a Science GEM that I'm starting to regret taking after looking at the lecture notes. Nevertheless, I'm still gonna try. I will not be distracted by issues that do not concern me. Never again.

But then again, I realise I actually study better when I'm sad haha. It's like a driving force because studying helps me to forget all my sadness. But it's not worth the cost, so it's still quite stupid. Of course I'd still prefer to be happy, like now.

I wish I could go back to my sec school days. A few of us went back to the new DHS just now (at 12am, but the security uncle was nice enough to let us in), on a whim. Even though a few buildings have changed and a few more were added (the canteen has a larger variety of food haha), the place still holds fond memories. Every nook and cranny of the school reminds me of something. I can even remember the names of the teachers, and all their funny characteristics haha. Those days will always be the best of my life.

It's okay if you can't stay long
It's okay if all our answers are wrong
It's okay if you want to move on

pick me up

"The fact is always obvious much too late, but the most singular difference between happiness and joy is that happiness is a solid and joy a liquid."
- J.D. Salinger, "Nine Stories"

I've never really understood what that quote meant. To me, it can mean that happiness is more substantial than joy. On the other hand, it can also mean that joy is able to take on any form, like how a liquid is able to conform to the shape of any container it is put in. I choose to believe it is the latter.

But I haven't been able to find pure joy yet. The ability to be happy in whatever circumstance I find myself in, whether good or bad. To find a bigger meaning behind everything that happens in my life. So far, my happiness has largely been dependent on the situation I'm in, which is quite worrying because I wonder what will become of me when I start working. I can't imagine going to the same place everyday, at the same time, to see the same people, and to do the same mundane tasks over and over again. For the rest of my life. It's terrifying. And I don't ever wanna live like that.

So I guess the only thing I can do, is not so much to change the situation around me, but to change myself and my attitude towards life. If I can find joy in the little things around me, and give thanks for everything life throws at me (including all the disgusting bits), then I guess that will make everyday seem a little brighter.



I still can't get over Ryan Adams haha. It's like a different experience everytime I listen to his songs.

I wish you would
Come pick me up