At the risk of jinxing myself, I hereby declare that I'm very happy :)) In fact, the happiest that I've been in a veryyy long time. No I did not just get a bf, nor did I win the lottery. It's just that recent events in my life have made me realize how blessed and fortunate I am.
I very narrowly got myself killed in an accident just now. 100% raw excitement man. My heart is still racing now. It's only by the grace of God (and other drivers) that I'm still alive here. OMG I swear I'm never gonna drive like that again. Like Hazel said, "Your mum probably still lets you drive cuz she doesn't sit in your car very often." Which is true, cuz if she ever saw what happened tonight, she'd ban me from driving forever. So yes, thank God I'm still here.
My results were ok, in that I guess it reflected the amount of effort I put in, though I wished my CAP could've improved by more haha. But still. And thank God I didn't fail my E-Commerce wahaha. But I'm still gonna S/U it.
My friends are the biggest, and most important, reason for my joy :D I'm very thankful God put this wonderful bunch of people in my life. People who understand me, whom I can happily crap around (and be 'auntie') with, and who can reduce me into tears of laughter. For example, during our WWF-finally-get-to-go-to-Teo-Heng session today, we were happily doing the actions to all those cheesy boyband songs and laughing at all those videos featuring random angmoh women who have absolutely no relation to the song (especially for English songs). I love it that we become this extremely siao and crazy bunch of people whenever we get together. WWF stands for "Wild Women Foundation" by the way :D
Also, I love the Backstreet Boys, but seriously I think they're too drama and 'act emo' already, especially that Nick Carter. Go check out the video for "Drowning" if you don't believe me. And I can't believe I actually listened to S Club 7 when I was younger. Their lyrics are downright cheesy ("Loving you is not just luck or illusion/It's in the make-up of our DNA", like omg). And Aqua is unhealthy for kids, cuz their lyrics are really quite porno ("Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky", hahaha!). Luckily my parents never listened closely to my music when I was younger, if not confirm kena ban. In fact, I think I actually own an Aqua cd wahaha!
Anyway, Christmas is here! The season for giving (and receiving :D)! But we shouldn't forget the true meaning of this day, which is that God became man in order to die for our sins so that we might be saved. I never fail to marvel at this. You might think a god as mighty as our Lord would've just easily used His powers to save us, but instead He went the opposite way and reduced Himself to the status of a human, even putting Himself through the shame of dying on a cross to save His people, who still continue to sin against Him over and over again.
"And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son."
- 1 John 5:11
Indeed, I believe that if not for His continual blessings, I wouldn't be where I am today. So therefore, this season is the perfect time to reflect upon what He has given to us, and hopefully from there, our blessings will overflow and touch the lives of others :)
Hey, love, we'll get away with it
We'll run like we're awesome, totally genius
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
"No man, proclaimed Donne, is an Island, and he was wrong. If we were not islands, we would be lost, drowned in each other’s tragedies. We are insulated (a word that means, literally, remember, made into an island) from the tragedy of others, by our island nature, and by the repetitive shape and form of the stories. The shape does not change: there was a human being who was born, lived, and then, by some means or another, died. There. You may fill in the details from your own experience. As unoriginal as any other tale, as unique as any other life. Lives are snowflakes—forming patterns we have seen before, as like one another as peas in a pod (and have you ever looked at peas in a pod? I mean, really looked at them? There’s not a chance you’d mistake one for another, after a minute’s close inspection), but still unique."
"Fiction allows us to slide into these other heads, these other places, and look out through other eyes. And then in the tale we stop before we die, or we die vicariously and unharmed, and in the world beyond the tale we turn the page or close the book, and we resume our lives. A life that is, like any other, unlike any other."
"I believe that anyone who claims to know what's going on will lie about the little things too. I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman's right to choose, a baby's right to live, that while all human life is sacred there's nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system. I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it."
"We do not always remember the things that do no credit to us. We justify them, cover them in bright lies or with the thick dust of forgetfulness."
- Neil Gaiman, "American Gods"
Friday, December 19, 2008
church camp
So I'm back from church camp! It was great. I had a lot of fun, and learnt quite a bit too. It was different from other camps too, maybe cuz we were all older haha.
In the past camps, we used to hang out till 1 or 2am before going to bed, but this time, everyone (or at least I did) went to bed around 12 midnight cuz we had to get up early every morning. Well, except for the last night when we stayed up till 4am.
Speaking of age, I think the aunties and uncles had more fun than us. It was really funny to see a bunch of 50-something year-old ladies letting their hair down, and playing 'Blow Wind Blow', albeit with lots of screaming and slower reactions. And they really knew how to enjoy life lor. Like my aunt skipped the telematch to go for a massage and foot reflexology. Shiok hor. And the youths only knew how to sleep haha. Ok well, a few of us drove out to explore the surrounding area (our camp was in JB). It was really exciting cuz we had no idea where we were going, and only started panicking when we got on the main highway and saw signs like "To Singapore/JB", and "To Kuala Lumpur". I think we made like 5 or 6 U-turns in our bid to find our way back haha. Adventurous right.
The camp speaker was really good too. Basically the theme for camp was "Freed to Serve" from the Book of Galatians. I learnt that it's important not to accept perversions of the gospel, for example those preaching a "vending machine" God, where what you get from God depends on the amount you put in, which is really not how God works. The gospel is about God's grace, and nothing we do can change or add anything to it, and that's something really wonderful. I also learnt that because Christ died for us on the cross, He became the curse so that we can be blessed. Therefore we are freed from the Law, because we can never gain righteousness from our deeds alone because we would ultimately fail. So because of His death, we can attain righteousness by faith, and this makes us all members of the same family in Christ, which means that we are not to judge others just cuz they're different. Freedom from the Law doesn't mean we can go around sinning and be ok, because indulging in the sinful nature is just being bonded to sin, and it's not true freedom. True freedom is the freedom to realise what God intends us to be, and that is to love one another. By living in the Spirit, it transforms us and brings about the Fruit of the Spirit. From there, we should share the gifts of God. Therefore we are "Freed to Serve". I'm writing all this down not to bore anyone, but so that I can remember it better myself haha.
So yeah, camp was meaningful :)
Yesterday was also the WWF-failed-KTV-session cuz there weren't any available rooms at Teo Heng haha. But we managed to turn it into another WWF-watches-another-funnyfunny-movie session. Ok la, "The Orphanage" (it's a Spanish horror movie) was quite good. And I can truly say that my friends are the only people who will actually bother to hide behind a shower curtain to scare me haha. If not for the fact that I could see their shapes behind the curtain, I think I would have been scared to death. So great job guys hahha. I'm really looking forward to our Great Escape next week!! Hopefully we'd be able to meet Janice in KL too :))
I can't explain a thing
I want everything
To change and stay the same
In the past camps, we used to hang out till 1 or 2am before going to bed, but this time, everyone (or at least I did) went to bed around 12 midnight cuz we had to get up early every morning. Well, except for the last night when we stayed up till 4am.
Speaking of age, I think the aunties and uncles had more fun than us. It was really funny to see a bunch of 50-something year-old ladies letting their hair down, and playing 'Blow Wind Blow', albeit with lots of screaming and slower reactions. And they really knew how to enjoy life lor. Like my aunt skipped the telematch to go for a massage and foot reflexology. Shiok hor. And the youths only knew how to sleep haha. Ok well, a few of us drove out to explore the surrounding area (our camp was in JB). It was really exciting cuz we had no idea where we were going, and only started panicking when we got on the main highway and saw signs like "To Singapore/JB", and "To Kuala Lumpur". I think we made like 5 or 6 U-turns in our bid to find our way back haha. Adventurous right.
The camp speaker was really good too. Basically the theme for camp was "Freed to Serve" from the Book of Galatians. I learnt that it's important not to accept perversions of the gospel, for example those preaching a "vending machine" God, where what you get from God depends on the amount you put in, which is really not how God works. The gospel is about God's grace, and nothing we do can change or add anything to it, and that's something really wonderful. I also learnt that because Christ died for us on the cross, He became the curse so that we can be blessed. Therefore we are freed from the Law, because we can never gain righteousness from our deeds alone because we would ultimately fail. So because of His death, we can attain righteousness by faith, and this makes us all members of the same family in Christ, which means that we are not to judge others just cuz they're different. Freedom from the Law doesn't mean we can go around sinning and be ok, because indulging in the sinful nature is just being bonded to sin, and it's not true freedom. True freedom is the freedom to realise what God intends us to be, and that is to love one another. By living in the Spirit, it transforms us and brings about the Fruit of the Spirit. From there, we should share the gifts of God. Therefore we are "Freed to Serve". I'm writing all this down not to bore anyone, but so that I can remember it better myself haha.
So yeah, camp was meaningful :)
Yesterday was also the WWF-failed-KTV-session cuz there weren't any available rooms at Teo Heng haha. But we managed to turn it into another WWF-watches-another-funnyfunny-movie session. Ok la, "The Orphanage" (it's a Spanish horror movie) was quite good. And I can truly say that my friends are the only people who will actually bother to hide behind a shower curtain to scare me haha. If not for the fact that I could see their shapes behind the curtain, I think I would have been scared to death. So great job guys hahha. I'm really looking forward to our Great Escape next week!! Hopefully we'd be able to meet Janice in KL too :))
I can't explain a thing
I want everything
To change and stay the same
Sunday, December 14, 2008
growing old
Taken from Jamie's blog:
"Age has caught up with us when...
1. We feel sleepy just 3 hours after waking up.
2. We desperately need coffee to keep us on our feet.
3. When we people-watch at orchard road, we find that 90% of the crowd is made up of teenagers and 5% is made up of the occasional office worker or 20- or 30- something. We feel old.
4. We have conversations like this:
A: (referring to a group of school girls debating in loud voices about which pair of sport shoes to buy) Were we like that last time?
J: (without hesitation) NO.
J: (5 seconds later) We were worse.
5. "Eat, sleep, daydream, watch dramas" seems ideal.
6. We start to lament about the past and dread joining the rat race. We talk about working life and job prospects.
7. We're sick of shopping and bored of everything."
I've got some additions of my own too:
8. We prefer to go home for dinner cuz eating out is expensive. Or simply cuz we're just tired (refer to (1) and (2), above).
9. Cheap is always good. Always. No matter what they say.
Hahaha, sad hor. I hate having the digit "2" in front of my age. It means I have to start working and contributing to the household soon. It also means I should start thinking seriously about what I really want in life, and not just some overarching goal like "being happy".
Anyway I'm off to church camp tomorrow! I really hope it'll give me a chance to sit back and re-examine my life, and from there I'll have a clearer view of everything that has been happening. And of course, to re-connect with God. I realize the reason why I haven't been able to hear God's prompting recently is cuz I haven't been spending enough time praying. I've been too caught up in life's trivialities that I guess I've sort of drifted away from Him. And I'm hoping church camp will be a good time for me to get away from life, and grow closer to God.
Cause if I am the joke
Then you're the punchline
"Age has caught up with us when...
1. We feel sleepy just 3 hours after waking up.
2. We desperately need coffee to keep us on our feet.
3. When we people-watch at orchard road, we find that 90% of the crowd is made up of teenagers and 5% is made up of the occasional office worker or 20- or 30- something. We feel old.
4. We have conversations like this:
A: (referring to a group of school girls debating in loud voices about which pair of sport shoes to buy) Were we like that last time?
J: (without hesitation) NO.
J: (5 seconds later) We were worse.
5. "Eat, sleep, daydream, watch dramas" seems ideal.
6. We start to lament about the past and dread joining the rat race. We talk about working life and job prospects.
7. We're sick of shopping and bored of everything."
I've got some additions of my own too:
8. We prefer to go home for dinner cuz eating out is expensive. Or simply cuz we're just tired (refer to (1) and (2), above).
9. Cheap is always good. Always. No matter what they say.
Hahaha, sad hor. I hate having the digit "2" in front of my age. It means I have to start working and contributing to the household soon. It also means I should start thinking seriously about what I really want in life, and not just some overarching goal like "being happy".
Anyway I'm off to church camp tomorrow! I really hope it'll give me a chance to sit back and re-examine my life, and from there I'll have a clearer view of everything that has been happening. And of course, to re-connect with God. I realize the reason why I haven't been able to hear God's prompting recently is cuz I haven't been spending enough time praying. I've been too caught up in life's trivialities that I guess I've sort of drifted away from Him. And I'm hoping church camp will be a good time for me to get away from life, and grow closer to God.
Cause if I am the joke
Then you're the punchline
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
used to this
A random thought: I wish I could go back to the US. You know, one day I just might migrate there haha. Just for the sake of experiencing different stuff, like a different weather, different people, a different way of life. It's ironic, cuz instead of being contented that I've seen so much in just 6 months during exchange, I've become greedy for more. There's something to be said about wandering around a foreign city all by yourself, not caring much about getting lost cuz there's too much to see to worry about directions. Yeah, that's what I felt like in New York haha. It was exhilirating.
Singapore is boring. And I'm restless, and itching for something more. There has to be more than this.
But I don't have the means to keep flying everywhere. No point being envious of others. But I think I'm probably gonna fly off to somewhere different every chance I've got, after I start working haha.
Another thought. I realize I like to build my hopes on people, only to end up getting disappointed. Is it because my expectations were too high, or is it because people just disappoint in general? I mean ok, I do disappoint others as well, and unknowingly sometimes. Argh I've never been able to figure this out.
So I guess what I can do is to just move past it, and learn. It's a pity that things have to turn out this way, but I can't let this go, so I can't see any other way. But it's ok, I'll get used to this.
It's the nature of the experiment
It's the patterns of my temperament
Singapore is boring. And I'm restless, and itching for something more. There has to be more than this.
But I don't have the means to keep flying everywhere. No point being envious of others. But I think I'm probably gonna fly off to somewhere different every chance I've got, after I start working haha.
Another thought. I realize I like to build my hopes on people, only to end up getting disappointed. Is it because my expectations were too high, or is it because people just disappoint in general? I mean ok, I do disappoint others as well, and unknowingly sometimes. Argh I've never been able to figure this out.
So I guess what I can do is to just move past it, and learn. It's a pity that things have to turn out this way, but I can't let this go, so I can't see any other way. But it's ok, I'll get used to this.
It's the nature of the experiment
It's the patterns of my temperament
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
make it easy
I think I need some distractions in my life.
And you know, I think I had an inkling that something like this will come my way, from all the hints and signals that have been coming recently, and that I've chosen to ignore. But having an inkling wasn't enough I guess. I suppose I'm in a state of shock right now. The things I think I know, are never what they seem to be. And the people that I thought I knew, I realize I never knew at all. I just keep getting disappointed at every turn.
I'm probably making too big of a deal out of this, but this is who I am. So don't trivialize my feelings, and think I'll be ok with just a snap of your fingers. I will be fine, but not now.
Last time, I was able to turn this into a driving force in my work, as a means to distract myself, but now I can't seem to be able to find anything good out of this.
So what should I do? Keep hoping that I'll be better tomorrow? That time will pass quickly, and I'll be ok again?
I don't know. But what I do know, is that I do not want a repeat of what I went through. It was far too much, and I will not go back there again. Lord, I really need you right now.
Make it easy
Make this easy
It's not as happy as it seems
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)