growing old

Taken from Jamie's blog:

"Age has caught up with us when...

1. We feel sleepy just 3 hours after waking up.

2. We desperately need coffee to keep us on our feet.

3. When we people-watch at orchard road, we find that 90% of the crowd is made up of teenagers and 5% is made up of the occasional office worker or 20- or 30- something. We feel old.

4. We have conversations like this:

A: (referring to a group of school girls debating in loud voices about which pair of sport shoes to buy) Were we like that last time?
J: (without hesitation) NO.
J: (5 seconds later) We were worse.

5. "Eat, sleep, daydream, watch dramas" seems ideal.

6. We start to lament about the past and dread joining the rat race. We talk about working life and job prospects.

7. We're sick of shopping and bored of everything."

I've got some additions of my own too:

8. We prefer to go home for dinner cuz eating out is expensive. Or simply cuz we're just tired (refer to (1) and (2), above).

9. Cheap is always good. Always. No matter what they say.

Hahaha, sad hor. I hate having the digit "2" in front of my age. It means I have to start working and contributing to the household soon. It also means I should start thinking seriously about what I really want in life, and not just some overarching goal like "being happy".

Anyway I'm off to church camp tomorrow! I really hope it'll give me a chance to sit back and re-examine my life, and from there I'll have a clearer view of everything that has been happening. And of course, to re-connect with God. I realize the reason why I haven't been able to hear God's prompting recently is cuz I haven't been spending enough time praying. I've been too caught up in life's trivialities that I guess I've sort of drifted away from Him. And I'm hoping church camp will be a good time for me to get away from life, and grow closer to God.

Cause if I am the joke
Then you're the punchline

used to this

A random thought: I wish I could go back to the US. You know, one day I just might migrate there haha. Just for the sake of experiencing different stuff, like a different weather, different people, a different way of life. It's ironic, cuz instead of being contented that I've seen so much in just 6 months during exchange, I've become greedy for more. There's something to be said about wandering around a foreign city all by yourself, not caring much about getting lost cuz there's too much to see to worry about directions. Yeah, that's what I felt like in New York haha. It was exhilirating.

Singapore is boring. And I'm restless, and itching for something more. There has to be more than this.

But I don't have the means to keep flying everywhere. No point being envious of others. But I think I'm probably gonna fly off to somewhere different every chance I've got, after I start working haha.

Another thought. I realize I like to build my hopes on people, only to end up getting disappointed. Is it because my expectations were too high, or is it because people just disappoint in general? I mean ok, I do disappoint others as well, and unknowingly sometimes. Argh I've never been able to figure this out.

So I guess what I can do is to just move past it, and learn. It's a pity that things have to turn out this way, but I can't let this go, so I can't see any other way. But it's ok, I'll get used to this.

It's the nature of the experiment
It's the patterns of my temperament

I am TIRED.

So tired of all this.

I can't even remember how it all came to this.

What do I, what do I, what do I need
To do to get myself in a better mood

make it easy

I think I need some distractions in my life.

And you know, I think I had an inkling that something like this will come my way, from all the hints and signals that have been coming recently, and that I've chosen to ignore. But having an inkling wasn't enough I guess. I suppose I'm in a state of shock right now. The things I think I know, are never what they seem to be. And the people that I thought I knew, I realize I never knew at all. I just keep getting disappointed at every turn.

I'm probably making too big of a deal out of this, but this is who I am. So don't trivialize my feelings, and think I'll be ok with just a snap of your fingers. I will be fine, but not now.

Last time, I was able to turn this into a driving force in my work, as a means to distract myself, but now I can't seem to be able to find anything good out of this.

So what should I do? Keep hoping that I'll be better tomorrow? That time will pass quickly, and I'll be ok again?

I don't know. But what I do know, is that I do not want a repeat of what I went through. It was far too much, and I will not go back there again. Lord, I really need you right now.

Make it easy

Make this easy

It's not as happy as it seems

too free and too bored.

My exams have officially ended!! Erm well, they were ok. Intense, but at least they were over quickly haha.

And now I'm terribly bored. Sigh.

It's ironic how I always managed to find something to occupy myself with when I was supposed to be studying, but now I don't really have anything to do. By the way, time passes really quickly when you're slacking instead of studying haha. I can't believe it's only 1 day since my semester officially ended.

Actually I have stuff to do also. Like cut my hair, pluck my eyebrows, and especially the pressing need to clear my crap out of my room. I can't decided whether to keep my notes, or throw them away. I still have stuff from Year 1, by the way hahh.

I've been catching up on all my long-lost shows also, like House and Grey's Anatomy hoho. I should find new things to watch. Oh yeah, I watched like an episode of that Peranakan show on Ch 8 also, and woah it's super scary la! All that backstabbing and manipulation. Can you imagine living in a house like that?? I'd rather get married off and lead a safer life haha. But my grandma told me that's what life was like in the past :S Traumatising.

By the way, I really like Peranakan food :D Especially the kuehs haha. Too bad they all have complicated names that I can't remember. Oh yeah I remember that time when we were in Malacca for the weekend. Shiok lor. My dad stopped the car like every few hours so we could go down to eat haha. I think I ate like 4-5 times in a day, for 3 days.

On a small note, for some reason it doesn't feel like Christmas this year.

There are things that drift away
Like our endless, numbered days

la-di-da

This is bad. I keep getting distracted, as evident by the recent increase in my blogging frequency haha.

Psych sucks. Why can't they keep all the chapters equally long? The later chapters are like twice the length of the chapters in front! That's like 50 pages per chapter. ARgh. I like to keep track of the length of chapters, so I'd know how much I have to study, and motivate myself accordingly.

I concentrate better at home. Except that I can't study at home cuz of the FREAKING CONSTRUCTION next door! So I go to Starbucks and get fat on coffee. Or I go to KFC and get fat on cheese fries and Coke. Either way, I get fat.

Further proof that studying/school is bad for you:

You go from being all serious and focussed...
... to a bunch of siao zha bors in blazers.

That's my Services Marketing group by the way haha.

I feel so random and 'la-di-da'.

Here's what I've planned for December (so far):

1. Prepare to move into another room. So I have to clean out all my crap, plan the layout for my new room, get a new wardrobe, etc. Tons of stuff to do.

2. Church camp!

3. Meet up with all the people in my life, especially those who are coming back from overseas :D Like Janice and Joseph, whom I haven't seen for more than a year now.

4. WWF Great Escape! Woohoo!

5. Shop. I'm waiting for all the sales to descend upon Singapore haha.

6. In short, take a break to rearrange my thoughts, and forget about all the shit that happened this year. And start anew next year.

You were right about the end

It didn't make a difference

Everything I can remember

I remember wrong

I've finally cleared all my projects/presentations/reports!! No more staying in school till sunset! No more going back on Saturdays! No more rehearsals at 8am! YAY.

But sigh, I still have exams to study for. Even though technically 2 of them are for S/U-able modules, I still can't exactly slack. I need to at least get a decent grade for E-commerce (which, in my opinion, is one big waste of time), cuz my mid-term result was totally mediocre, and I need to be sure I can at least pass before I can S/U. And I really hope to do well for Psych, and APB (which is a core module). Except that I don't know how to study for APB cuz 1) I don't go for lectures, 2) there isn't a textbook (or rather, the lecturer doesn't teach from there, so I didn't buy one), 3) I don't learn anything from lectures or tutorials, which explains why I don't go for them. It goes the same for E-commerce and Psych, except that I have textbooks, and I attend more Psych lectures than E-commerce and APB combined. Haha I'm screwed!

And then, of all times to build a new house, they have to do it NOW. RIGHT BEHIND MY HOUSE. The piling work is so freaking noisy I can't even hear myself think. Even the ground vibrates man. How to study like that! Argh I think I'll just go out to mug. Staying at home is too distracting also haha. There's the computer, and TV, and bed. Haha ok, happy mugging everyone.

So glide away on soapy heels
And promise not to promise anymore