Hallelujah it's Friday! What an awful week. My life practically revolved around nothing but school. I mean ok, I've been through much worse, but it's the kind of week where you not only have tests and all, but it also seems like the whole world is against you.

For one, I got scolded by Boyle AGAIN. Shit, that woman just doesn't like me does she? It's just my luck to always get caught talking whenever she looks in my direction rawr. Then my Product and Brand test totally sucked. I mean ok, I did relatively average, but I expected better. And yesterday, I screwed up my Drugs and Soc test cuz I happily neglected to study this reading which I thought wasn't important (partly cuz I didn't watch the webcast where the lecturer emphasized its importance sigh), and AN ENTIRE QUESTION on it came out. That's like 25% of the test!! Freak, I seriously think there won't be any A's this sem.

Well at least I got the car for the entire week :D That helped to somewhat lessen the pain haha. Cuz at least I don't have to spend time rotting away on the bus, as is usually the case for the other 51 weeks of the year (How many weeks does a year have anyway? 52 right?). Plus I had to go to school everyday (and only 1 hour yesterday for the darn test). But it's not like I went anywhere else between home and school. There was too much mugging to do.

But it's not over yet. There are plenty of project deadlines and assignments coming up! I guess the only time I'll be able to get some respite is in May haha.

Oh no, my "Complain Queen" side is coming out again.



She was waiting at the station
He was getting off the train
He didn't have a ticket so he had to bum through the barriers again.
Well the ticket inspector saw him rushing through
He said, "Girl you don't know how much I missed you but
We'd better run cos' I haven't got the funds to pay this fine."
She said, "Fine."

Well so they ran out of the station and jumped onto a bus
With two of yesterday's travel cards and two bottles of Bud,
And he said, "You look well nice."
Well she was wearing a skirt
And he thought she looked nice
And yeah, she didn't really care about anything else
Because she only wanted him to think that she looked nice,
And he did.

But he was looking at her, yeah all funny in the eye.
She said, "Come on boy tell me what you're thinking,
Now don't be shy."
He said, "Alright, I'll try.
All the stars up in the sky and the leaves in the trees,
All the broken bits that make you jump up and grassy bits in between.
All the matter in the world is how much I like you."

She said, "What?"
He said, "Let me try and explain again.

"Right, birds can fly so high, and they can shit on your head,
Yeah they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel so scared.
But when you look at them, and you see that they're beautiful,
That's how I feel about you.
Right birds can fly so high and they can shit on your head,
Yeah they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel well scared.
But when you look at them, and you see that they're beautiful,
That's how I feel about you.
Yeah that's how I feel about you."

She said, "What?"
He said, "You."
She said, "What are you talking about?"
He said, "You.

"Right birds can fly so high and they can shit on your head
Yeah they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel so scared.
But when you look at them, and you see that they're beautiful,
That's how I feel about you.
Right birds can fly so high and they can shit on your head,
Yeah they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel well scared.
But when you look at them, and you see that they're beautiful,
That's how I feel about you.
Right, that's how I feel about you.

She said, "Thanks, I like you too."
He said, "Cool."

- Kate Nash, "Birds"

sink or swim

Please ignore the previous post. I didn't mean to sound emo, cuz I really wasn't upset or anything. Just pissed. But I'm ok now. Sometimes it's good to talk to people and see things from their perspectives. I realize where I've gone wrong, and where I could've done something better that is more befitting of my faith.

Anyway someone please tell me why I'm more tired during term break than during a regular school week. It's just wrong. I think NUS profs have a flawed understanding of the word "break". They just have to squeeze allll the midterm quizzes and project deadlines into a single week! I've literally sold my soul to projects. After 6 semesters, I still can't say I ever really enjoyed any of my midterm breaks (except the one during exchange: New York!). It's really sad. Mugging is depressing and anti-social.

But I must be positive. I WILL SURVIVE. Like Nina says, "This pain is temporary, but my cert lasts forever." Hahaha. Actually studying is really quite pointless, cuz your cert only gets you to your first job. After that you might as well just burn it. It's like how no one really cares about your A level results anymore as long as you're studying at a decent uni.

Ok well the past week really wasn't that bad, cuz at least I managed to watch a movie and bake muffins. Speaking of which, I think it's highly recommended to have an experienced baker with you when you're trying out a recipe for the first time. The muffins were really the result of two noobs who seldom step into the kitchen haha. Thank goodness they're still edible :) But I'm determined to bake again until I get round and puffy muffins that don't look like giant cupcakes.

Ok I gotta get back to my report. Sigh.

I think will we sink or swim?
'Cause we could do either on a whim

I've already said all there is to say, and I'm tired of having to explain myself all the time. At the end of the day, all of this is pretty pointless and will not solve anything. Everyone will just go around exchanging barbs and veiled insults, and it will never end. I'll just keep getting more upset, and honestly, I have other more important things to worry about. I don't want to expend my energy and time on things that I cannot change. What's been done, has been done, and nothing else can possibly change it. And really, from a bigger perspective, all this bickering is quite meaningless and immature.

Sometimes I regret that I only learn my lessons only after I'm 21. I wished I knew all these things sooner. Things like: learning to measure myself with the same yardstick I use to judge others before criticising them, thinking before I speak, and the wisdom of reacting only after I've calmed down, and not when I'm still angry. I've made so many mistakes, and lost so many things before I finally learnt all of this. Why is it that in order to gain something, you have to lose something else first? It's ironic. But sadly, that's what life is. And yet, I still have so much more to learn.

No matter how we try to justify ourselves, it doesn't change the words that have been said, nor does it reduce the responsibility and consequences for what happens next. You can't add disclaimers in real life.

So in conclusion, I'm just really tired of all this. I'm not upset. I just don't wanna care anymore.

Term break is looking to be pretty busy and dreary :( Tests, projects and webcasts await me! What's the point of having a break, if you're gonna be spending it in school anyway? I wish I was on exchange again haha.

Oh and I'm currently hooked on this sitcom called "The Big Bang Theory".
It's about this group of 4 really smart but extremely geeky guys, and their pretty neighbour who is like the average human being. So it's about how the guys' social awkwardness and geekiness clashes with their neighbour's life, which is hilarious. I don't really know how to describe it, but it's like the nerdy version of "Friends" haha.

Follow the lights that line the streets
Connecting telephones
Follow the lights from house to house
And they will lead you home

The Ro times

Vday was great! I'm not trying to console myself, but seriously, who said singles can't have fun? I think I actually did more RO (romantic) stuff than most couples out there, albeit with a group of friends hoho.

Anyway on Sat afternoon, we had this guided tour/cell group outing at the Singapore Art Museum, led by Aunty Lili who was a volunteer guide at the museum. Cool right. We saw this exhibition from the Daimler (as in the Mercedes-Benz company) Art Collection. The pieces were mainly taken from 80 years of art collected at Daimler's corporate office, including those commissioned by the company. I realise art is really subjective, and up to your own interpretation. A piece may be very beautiful and meaningful to someone, yet really ugly and pointless to someone else. But it really helps if you have a knowledgable source explaining the background and context of an art piece, cuz from there it's easier for you to form your opinions of it. Also, not all art has to have meaning behind it. Some, like those constructivist ones, are plainly just about combining geometrical lines and colours to make something pretty haha. I learnt quite a lot about abstract terms like 'constructivism' and 'minimalism' too haha. So that was pretty cool.

Then at night, I hopped over to Chijmes for our WWF RO dinner haha. I had reserved a place at this Italian pizza place, cuz being the cheapos we are, we thought we could get a complimentary bottle of red wine with a credit card promotion. But alas, they didn't have any promotions on Vday. Sucks. Oh well, at least the food and ambience was good :D Chijmes is seriously a very nice place, though it's a tad too expensive.

Then at Plaza Sing, we saw this really gross sight outside the toilet. Someone actually shat at the entrance! Damn gross man. We had to navigate our way across the trail of faeces haha. But seriously, it's super hilarious cuz I can't imagine how it's even possible for someone to shit before making it to the cubicle hahaha. And it's not a kid's shit, cuz apparently Pei says it's adult-sized. We also hung around outside to observe other toilet users' reactions haha (ya, only we can derive entertainment from activities like this). It's really an observation on social behaviour lor, cuz most loners will just make a gross expression and carry on (carefully) into the toilet. Those in groups will make a huge din and keep fussing about it (like us). So it proves that people in groups behave differently than when they're alone.

Shitty incidents aside, it was really fun to just let loose and talk about everything under the sun with people I'm close with :)) An example of a conversation we had:

P: What's the most romantic place in Singapore?
N: (very matter-of-factly) The bedroom lor.

P: What gift do you expect from your bf?
N: Anything practical. Like money.

Hahaha! I love my friends.

But sigh, now it's time to study :(( I really hate the feeling of crashing back to reality after a weekend of fun. No wonder they call it the Monday blues. Also, I'm starting to think I shouldn't have gone to watch a late night movie last night, when I have school the very next day. It makes it harder to re-adjust my mood back to 'Mugging'. But anyway "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" was alright. Quite meaningful (plus Brad Pitt is really nice to look at), though I felt quite empty after watching it haha. I think I expected more.

Ok, it's back to hell for now. The good times were good while they lasted. Dark days lie ahead.

My hands are high
And I'm holding out, holding up
Because I figure that I just might make it

I just realised today is Friday the 13th! Spooky.

Anyway, my laptop SUCKS. Someone please teach me how to reformat! Or better, please donate money so I can get a new one. I'm really worried it'll suddenly just die on me while I'm doing work and destroy everything I've done. Bah, technology.

Fall Out Boy on Tuesday was great! The energy was great, and the performance superb haha. It's just a continuous stream of songs. And I loved the LED guitars they had! But I thought they could've performed longer. 1 hour is too short! Also, we were sitting too far away from all the action (cheap what, what to do haha), even though we did illegally move like a whole section nearer haha. Plus there were all these crazy angmoh kids, who were really scary. Some of them came with their parents in tow, so there were quite a few middle-aged folks there too, which made us feel slightly younger amidst all the tweens haha.

You know I feel so mentally detached from school. I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I'm like lagging behind in webcasts, and I'm not entirely sure when some of my deadlines are. THIS IS BAD. I need to come back to reality!

Lastly, for this Valentine's Day, I just want to say that though I'm not very content to be single right now, it's good enough that at least I have people to spend it with. Then again, Vday was probably invented by Hallmark to squeeze every penny from couples everywhere. It's just a DAY. But I'm being bitter again haha.

I'm casually obsessed and I've forgiven death,
I am indifferent, yet (I am a total wreck)
I'm every cliche, but I simply do it best.

Over and Out

1. Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Hold Your Breath - The Acorn

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Seen It All Before - Amos Lee (does this mean I'm cynical about love?)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Things I Don't Understand - Coldplay (yeah I don't understand what I'm supposed to be studying)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Bodysnatchers - Radiohead (huh?)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Take It Home - The White Tie Affair

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Fill Me Up - Shaun Colvin ("cheer me up, cheer me up, cuz you're all that I've got" Wow I'm honoured)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Plenty - Sarah McLachlan (plenty of money? hahah)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Either Way, I'll Break Your Heart Someday - Augustana (yeah my lifelong ambition is to be a heartbreaker -_-)

WHAT IS 2+2?
Night Drive - Jimmy Eat World (because I think better at night)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Stop This Train - John Mayer (this thing just keeps getting weirder and weirder)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Lovegame - Lady GaGa (HAHAHA! Oh FYI I do not like anyone right now)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
How Do You Keep Love Alive - Ryan Adams (this is just SAD)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Use Me to Use You - Trapt (no, I don't want to be used)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I Won't Be Left - Tegan and Sara ("I won't be left dancing alone to songs from the past..")

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
In Your Apartment - Charlotte Sometimes (they can't wait for me to move out I think)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Bouncing Off Clouds - Tori Amos (yay!)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Vertigo - U2 (hahaha!)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
#41 - Dave Matthews Band (errr..?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Follow Me - Rufio (ehh, no offence ok.)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Long Division - Death Cab for Cutie ("to be a remain, remain, remain, remainder")

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Turn Back the Clock - Johnny Hates Jazz (I don't wanna dieeee, hahah)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Relative Surplus Value - The Weakerthans (when I pay too much for something that's worth less haha)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Second Hand Stores - Athlete (HAHA, no! I'm not a cheapo!!)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
For Me This is Heaven - Jimmy Eat World (hmm this is quite a beautiful song "When the time we have now ends/When the big hand goes round again/Can you still feel the butterflies?/Can you still hear the last goodnight?")

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Kiwi - Maroon 5 (wth? does this mean I'll get married to someone from NZ haha)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Crazy - K-Ci and Jo Jo (hahaha!!)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Joy to the World - Corrinne May (Jesus loves me!)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Cinema Paradiso Love Theme - Itzhak Perlman (I didn't know I had this song haha, anyway it's an instrumental song)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
These Backs Are Made For Stabbing - Hit the Lights (HAHA! this thing is hilarious!)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Over and Out - Alkaline Trio (how very fitting)

Ok, so I just wasted 30 mins of my life like that. But this is fun!

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, unremembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea.
Quick now, here, now, always —
A condition of complete simplicity
(Costing not less than everything)
And all shall be well and
All manner of thing shall be well
When the tongues of flame are in-folded
Into the crowned knot of fire
And the fire and the rose are one.

- T.S. Eliot, "Little Gidding"