I've already said all there is to say, and I'm tired of having to explain myself all the time. At the end of the day, all of this is pretty pointless and will not solve anything. Everyone will just go around exchanging barbs and veiled insults, and it will never end. I'll just keep getting more upset, and honestly, I have other more important things to worry about. I don't want to expend my energy and time on things that I cannot change. What's been done, has been done, and nothing else can possibly change it. And really, from a bigger perspective, all this bickering is quite meaningless and immature.

Sometimes I regret that I only learn my lessons only after I'm 21. I wished I knew all these things sooner. Things like: learning to measure myself with the same yardstick I use to judge others before criticising them, thinking before I speak, and the wisdom of reacting only after I've calmed down, and not when I'm still angry. I've made so many mistakes, and lost so many things before I finally learnt all of this. Why is it that in order to gain something, you have to lose something else first? It's ironic. But sadly, that's what life is. And yet, I still have so much more to learn.

No matter how we try to justify ourselves, it doesn't change the words that have been said, nor does it reduce the responsibility and consequences for what happens next. You can't add disclaimers in real life.

So in conclusion, I'm just really tired of all this. I'm not upset. I just don't wanna care anymore.

Term break is looking to be pretty busy and dreary :( Tests, projects and webcasts await me! What's the point of having a break, if you're gonna be spending it in school anyway? I wish I was on exchange again haha.

Oh and I'm currently hooked on this sitcom called "The Big Bang Theory".
It's about this group of 4 really smart but extremely geeky guys, and their pretty neighbour who is like the average human being. So it's about how the guys' social awkwardness and geekiness clashes with their neighbour's life, which is hilarious. I don't really know how to describe it, but it's like the nerdy version of "Friends" haha.

Follow the lights that line the streets
Connecting telephones
Follow the lights from house to house
And they will lead you home

The Ro times

Vday was great! I'm not trying to console myself, but seriously, who said singles can't have fun? I think I actually did more RO (romantic) stuff than most couples out there, albeit with a group of friends hoho.

Anyway on Sat afternoon, we had this guided tour/cell group outing at the Singapore Art Museum, led by Aunty Lili who was a volunteer guide at the museum. Cool right. We saw this exhibition from the Daimler (as in the Mercedes-Benz company) Art Collection. The pieces were mainly taken from 80 years of art collected at Daimler's corporate office, including those commissioned by the company. I realise art is really subjective, and up to your own interpretation. A piece may be very beautiful and meaningful to someone, yet really ugly and pointless to someone else. But it really helps if you have a knowledgable source explaining the background and context of an art piece, cuz from there it's easier for you to form your opinions of it. Also, not all art has to have meaning behind it. Some, like those constructivist ones, are plainly just about combining geometrical lines and colours to make something pretty haha. I learnt quite a lot about abstract terms like 'constructivism' and 'minimalism' too haha. So that was pretty cool.

Then at night, I hopped over to Chijmes for our WWF RO dinner haha. I had reserved a place at this Italian pizza place, cuz being the cheapos we are, we thought we could get a complimentary bottle of red wine with a credit card promotion. But alas, they didn't have any promotions on Vday. Sucks. Oh well, at least the food and ambience was good :D Chijmes is seriously a very nice place, though it's a tad too expensive.

Then at Plaza Sing, we saw this really gross sight outside the toilet. Someone actually shat at the entrance! Damn gross man. We had to navigate our way across the trail of faeces haha. But seriously, it's super hilarious cuz I can't imagine how it's even possible for someone to shit before making it to the cubicle hahaha. And it's not a kid's shit, cuz apparently Pei says it's adult-sized. We also hung around outside to observe other toilet users' reactions haha (ya, only we can derive entertainment from activities like this). It's really an observation on social behaviour lor, cuz most loners will just make a gross expression and carry on (carefully) into the toilet. Those in groups will make a huge din and keep fussing about it (like us). So it proves that people in groups behave differently than when they're alone.

Shitty incidents aside, it was really fun to just let loose and talk about everything under the sun with people I'm close with :)) An example of a conversation we had:

P: What's the most romantic place in Singapore?
N: (very matter-of-factly) The bedroom lor.

P: What gift do you expect from your bf?
N: Anything practical. Like money.

Hahaha! I love my friends.

But sigh, now it's time to study :(( I really hate the feeling of crashing back to reality after a weekend of fun. No wonder they call it the Monday blues. Also, I'm starting to think I shouldn't have gone to watch a late night movie last night, when I have school the very next day. It makes it harder to re-adjust my mood back to 'Mugging'. But anyway "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" was alright. Quite meaningful (plus Brad Pitt is really nice to look at), though I felt quite empty after watching it haha. I think I expected more.

Ok, it's back to hell for now. The good times were good while they lasted. Dark days lie ahead.

My hands are high
And I'm holding out, holding up
Because I figure that I just might make it

I just realised today is Friday the 13th! Spooky.

Anyway, my laptop SUCKS. Someone please teach me how to reformat! Or better, please donate money so I can get a new one. I'm really worried it'll suddenly just die on me while I'm doing work and destroy everything I've done. Bah, technology.

Fall Out Boy on Tuesday was great! The energy was great, and the performance superb haha. It's just a continuous stream of songs. And I loved the LED guitars they had! But I thought they could've performed longer. 1 hour is too short! Also, we were sitting too far away from all the action (cheap what, what to do haha), even though we did illegally move like a whole section nearer haha. Plus there were all these crazy angmoh kids, who were really scary. Some of them came with their parents in tow, so there were quite a few middle-aged folks there too, which made us feel slightly younger amidst all the tweens haha.

You know I feel so mentally detached from school. I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I'm like lagging behind in webcasts, and I'm not entirely sure when some of my deadlines are. THIS IS BAD. I need to come back to reality!

Lastly, for this Valentine's Day, I just want to say that though I'm not very content to be single right now, it's good enough that at least I have people to spend it with. Then again, Vday was probably invented by Hallmark to squeeze every penny from couples everywhere. It's just a DAY. But I'm being bitter again haha.

I'm casually obsessed and I've forgiven death,
I am indifferent, yet (I am a total wreck)
I'm every cliche, but I simply do it best.

Over and Out

1. Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Hold Your Breath - The Acorn

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Seen It All Before - Amos Lee (does this mean I'm cynical about love?)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Things I Don't Understand - Coldplay (yeah I don't understand what I'm supposed to be studying)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Bodysnatchers - Radiohead (huh?)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Take It Home - The White Tie Affair

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Fill Me Up - Shaun Colvin ("cheer me up, cheer me up, cuz you're all that I've got" Wow I'm honoured)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Plenty - Sarah McLachlan (plenty of money? hahah)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Either Way, I'll Break Your Heart Someday - Augustana (yeah my lifelong ambition is to be a heartbreaker -_-)

WHAT IS 2+2?
Night Drive - Jimmy Eat World (because I think better at night)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Stop This Train - John Mayer (this thing just keeps getting weirder and weirder)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Lovegame - Lady GaGa (HAHAHA! Oh FYI I do not like anyone right now)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
How Do You Keep Love Alive - Ryan Adams (this is just SAD)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Use Me to Use You - Trapt (no, I don't want to be used)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I Won't Be Left - Tegan and Sara ("I won't be left dancing alone to songs from the past..")

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
In Your Apartment - Charlotte Sometimes (they can't wait for me to move out I think)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Bouncing Off Clouds - Tori Amos (yay!)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Vertigo - U2 (hahaha!)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
#41 - Dave Matthews Band (errr..?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Follow Me - Rufio (ehh, no offence ok.)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Long Division - Death Cab for Cutie ("to be a remain, remain, remain, remainder")

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Turn Back the Clock - Johnny Hates Jazz (I don't wanna dieeee, hahah)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Relative Surplus Value - The Weakerthans (when I pay too much for something that's worth less haha)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Second Hand Stores - Athlete (HAHA, no! I'm not a cheapo!!)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
For Me This is Heaven - Jimmy Eat World (hmm this is quite a beautiful song "When the time we have now ends/When the big hand goes round again/Can you still feel the butterflies?/Can you still hear the last goodnight?")

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Kiwi - Maroon 5 (wth? does this mean I'll get married to someone from NZ haha)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Crazy - K-Ci and Jo Jo (hahaha!!)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Joy to the World - Corrinne May (Jesus loves me!)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Cinema Paradiso Love Theme - Itzhak Perlman (I didn't know I had this song haha, anyway it's an instrumental song)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
These Backs Are Made For Stabbing - Hit the Lights (HAHA! this thing is hilarious!)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Over and Out - Alkaline Trio (how very fitting)

Ok, so I just wasted 30 mins of my life like that. But this is fun!

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, unremembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea.
Quick now, here, now, always —
A condition of complete simplicity
(Costing not less than everything)
And all shall be well and
All manner of thing shall be well
When the tongues of flame are in-folded
Into the crowned knot of fire
And the fire and the rose are one.

- T.S. Eliot, "Little Gidding"

This CNY

The bad news: I've eaten waaaayyy too much. All those meals out and CNY goodies. Double impact man. Bleah. My get-fit action plan had better start soon.

School is gonna start again. Shit. Projectstestsprojectstests... Kill me now, please.

The good news: I'm going to watch Fall Out Boy!! Well ok it's not that exciting, considering that I'm $61 poorer and our seats are like far far away. But it's better than nothing :)

I don't care what you think as long as it's about me
The best of us can find happiness in misery

more random thoughts

1. CNY shopping is a freaking pain. Like seriously. I've been hunting up and down for something decent to wear, and I've been everywhere. Like Vivo, Parkway (twice, cuz I love it so much) and Marina Square. But at least I finally found something yay :D Yes, I'm finally gonna wear a dress! Don't laugh ok. I know me wearing a dress is extremely out-of-the-ordinary, but it's NOT funny! Grr.

2. I plan to adopt a healthy lifestyle. That means no late nights if I can help it (yet here I am typing this at 2am), and going to cycle at ECP on Weds aka recreation day! Currently my exercise consists of running for the bus, and climbing/running up (when I'm late) the 8237492837 stairs at NUS. So obviously I need to do more, though the stairs are no mean feat. But I need lots of discipline!

3. I've been reading "Twilight", albeit a bit later than the rest of the world. Sad to say, I'm quite disappointed. For one, the book should come with a warning label in front: "Girls should be warned that Edward Cullen DOES NOT exist." Like come on, the only reason why it is fictional is because good-looking gentlemen like Edward Cullen are either extinct, or don't even exist in the first place. Plus he's a vampire. I found the story quite shallow also. I suspect the girl only likes the vampire cuz he's good-looking, and cuz he's a vampire. But that's just my opinion. Otherwise, the book makes for good reading when you have nothing much to do haha.

4. Speaking of boyfriends, I've come to the conclusion that I want someone who loves God more than he loves me. Cuz all the other good qualities will naturally fall into place after that. And at the end of the day, having a good standing in the Lord's eyes is the most important thing. But oh well, it's all in God's hands. I don't even know if He has someone planned for me, though I do hope He does haha.

5. School unfortunately, still sucks. That never changes haha. I can't decide whether I like super long days and more free days, or short days that start late and end early, but that come with a lot of travelling cuz I have to go to school more often. But at least I get to see my friends :) It makes school much more bearable haha.

6. If everything goes well, WWF will get to go overseas again! Whether it is to look at jellyfish at Micronesia (which is really cool by the way), or to take a train down to Thailand (cuz we're cheap), I'm confident we'll have fun haha. Now I just need to 生 money from somewhere.

Everyone's right and no one is sorry
That's the start and the end of this story