take me with you

I'm so tired I think I can sleep for a million years. And why do I get the feeling that my troubles are never gonna end?

I thought that after handing up my term paper (not last minute work ok! I finished it 1 day before heh. Damn proud of myself :D), and today's biz comm presentation, I could relax and start trying to get my life back. It's sad cuz I can't really remember how my life was like before all these dumb deadlines started piling up. But I stick to what I've said. That I'd much rather work towards a deadline (and suffer), than to let my mind wander around in idleness.

The next few weeks are gonna be crazy too. It's time to start catching up on my tutorials and start studying for my exams. Sigh. Then after that I have to prepare for my trip already.

Nevertheless, I wished there was something for me to look forward to. I miss the familiarity of old friends. But there's never enough time.

And I hate it when I'm treated as dispensable. I'm not some freaking recyclable object. You can't throw me away then re-use me again when I'm needed.

Oh how we've shouted, how we've screamed,
Take notice, take interest, take me with you.

i give up

Says everything.

Anyway, the Great Spy Experiment's performing this Sat at Timbre! Aye but I think out of my friends, only erm, 2 or 3 know about them? So I can't really find anyone to go with me haha. How sad.

See, I need to know more pple who share the same tastes in music as me!

and then you do it again

In the past week, I have:

1) Slept at 3am for 3 consecutive days, including one where I slept at 5am.

2) Skipped 1 and a half days of school, including

3) 1 lecture, and 3 tutorials (ok, I skip lectures regularly, but NEVER tutorials)

4) Not done ANY of my tutorials

ALL for the sake of completing my dumb Poli Science essay. Which I realise has no direct relevance to my life, except for making me ponder about whether nationalism is compatible with the liberal state's emphasis on individual rights and freedom, for 1 WHOLE WEEK.

I officially declare this past week "Political Science Week". I literally ate, slept, and breathed Political Science man. And I think all I have to show for it is a crappy six page essay which, although went over the word limit, absolutely made no sense to me. I never realised writing a stupid essay could reduce my life span by half. I'm never taking an Arts module again! Give me a freaking midterm test anytime man. Anything but an essay.

Oh well, but the REAL reason I'm writing this down is to remind myself to NEVER EVER leave term papers/essays/anything that requires intensive crapping, to the last minute. Which is why I'm supposed to be researching for my OM term paper now (production scheduling, radio frequency identification systems, anyone?). Note "supposed". I'm having trouble focussing again!

NO ADE, NOOO. You have to submit this paper on Fri, and you have a presentation to prepare for, ALSO on Fri! AND *gasp* your tutorials!! Don't forget about them!! (Shucks, now I'm talking to myself. )

Therefore I predict another week of hell again. This time probably 93409820 times more horrifying. How delightful.

Cause you say you love me
And then you do it again, you do it again
You say your sorry's
And then you do it again, you do it again

does it end like this?

You close your eyes and kiss your hand then you blow it,
But it isn't meant for me, and I notice.
If the choice was ours alone,
Then why'd we both choose letting go?
Does it end like this?

Time never had a chance to heal your heart
Just a number always counting down to a new start
If you always knew the truth,
Then the world would spin around you.
Are you dizzy yet?

Respectfully, some honesty I'm calling out
Do you hear the conversation we talk about?
I'll back away to the safety of a quiet house
If there's half a chance in this moment
When your eyes meet mine, we show it out.

All talk and not a lot to think, we were living dreams
And shame never crept close to our naked feet
If there's something left to lose,
Then don't let me wear out my shoes
That I still walk in.

I tried, but it rang and rang; I called all night
On a pay phone, remember those from another life?
If everything I meant to you,
You can't lick and seal then fold in two
Then I've been so blind.

Respectfully, some honesty I'm asking now
Do you hear the conversation we talk about?
I'll back away to the safety of a quiet house
If there's half a chance in this moment
When your eyes meet mine, we show it out.

Oh, oh take it all back, take your first, your last, your only.
Oh, oh take it all back, take it all back,
Everything you showed me.
Oh, oh, this must be how it feels when the feeling goes

I told you as I haven't, I never felt this way
You said I have the shot that stops my clock
Baby it's okay
You said you'd never have regrets
Jesus is there someone yet who got that wish?
Did you get yours, babe?

Respectfully, some honesty I'm asking now
Do you hear the conversation we talk about?
I'll back away to the safety of a quiet house
If there's half a chance in this moment
When your eyes meet mine, we show it out.

- Jimmy Eat World, "Dizzy"

random

Some random stuff:

Although my life is a M.E.S.S. (Mug, Eat, Shit, Sleep) right now, I can safely say that I'm quite content. At least my mind doesn't have a chance to wander off , saving me from thinking myself into (unnecessary) depression.

And it gives me a purpose in life, even if this purpose comes with plenty of suffering. I mean, at the end of the day, I still detest deadlines.

I think I'm really very zhu. Yes I finally admit it. I love my sleep and my food. I become grumpy without them. But coffee perks me right up. And makes me really hyper haha. I think I become very crazy when I drink too much coffee. But at least I'm happy when I'm crazy :)

I miss being with my best friends. I miss being able to shoot my mouth off without too much consideration. Cuz I know nothing I say will be held against me. I can't keep anything from them. There are also never really any awkward silent moments with them, cuz there aren't any silences to begin with (I can't shut up when I'm around them haha), and even if there are, our silences are comfortable ones.

I'm happy that I have my dog, Congee, at home. I love it that he's always happy to see me when I come home. A dog's love is unconditional I guess. But it's better if you have some food to bribe him with haha.

Ok I think that's all I have to say.

I'm a beggar and I'm a chooser
I'm accused, I'm an accuser
But nothing's unconditional

tests and unrest

I thought I could finally breathe after today's MA paper (which was ok, thank goodness). But noooo, before I could take a break, I was sucked back into the whirling pit of term papers, projects and tutorials. You know what I did after today's test? I went to Paya Lebar's KFC to do this week's MA tutorial! This is bad, cuz it is totally unlike me. I'm the type who goes straight home to sleep/play/anythingbutstudy after a long week of tests and unrest (they rhyme!). But I didn't today cuz I was afraid of falling into the deadly (but tempting) trap of a long nap if I go home. Nowadays, it's almost a crime to do anything but work; it weighs heavily on your conscience, I tell you.

AAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! My torture has no end!!!!! This tunnel is long, dark and bleak. Where is my light??? I'm chasing an invisible light.

Ok I should stop complaining. The burden in my heart is getting heavier and heavier sigh.

Update: Spastic is now known as Yong Tau Foo! It's a personification of the state of my brains now. Which are like tofu, literally.

If the choice was ours alone,
Then why'd we both choose letting go?
Does it end like this?

Someone please motivate me. I can't seem to focus on studying for MA tomorrow. Argh. I feel like going there to anyhow whack. I was so bored I actually adopted a piece of tofu on Facebook. He's called Spastic by the way (as requested by Kaishi), and Spastic is the first ever talking tofu! Just don't pet him too hard, or he'd disintegrate and I'll need to get another pet (the radish perhaps?).

Rawr. I need to get out. And I need sleep.

Well, here's to living in the moment
'Cause it passed, it passed.