I love to write, I really do. Words have the power to inform and to affect, and knowing that my words have the ability to do that makes me really happy. And of course, my other love is music. Or rather, listening to it since I can't really play any instruments (unless you count knowing enough to plonk away at single notes on the keyboard). If I could, I would spend my days scouring the internetz for new artists/songs.

Actually I think I have music ADD. I flit from artist to artist, depending on my mood and whichever sounds nice to me at the moment. I think I only ever listen to my "Recently Added" playlist, because there is always something new to discover and get hooked on - however long that lasts. Sometimes I hear a song on the radio, then download it only to realize that I already have it haha.

Anyway it seems obvious that the best way to indulge both my loves is to write about music, right? But I seriously find it hard. I'm always struck by how reviewers do their jobs. Firstly, to me, music is all about the feelings they strike up in you when you listen. It isn't like describing solid products and rattling off their pros/cons. You can't hold music in your hands and talk about how practical/useful it is. You can only listen and let it reverberate and sink in. So how do you even transmute your intangible feelings into literate words, such that your reader is also able to feel exactly the way you felt? Shouldn't it be enough for the music to speak for itself? And of course, music is subjective. One man's poison is another's wine. So who am I to judge whether this song sounds better than the rest?

Plus in order to provide technically-sound critiques, you need a huge internal catalogue of knowledge in order to understand the band's inspirations, or how they've made a certain genre sound even better and made it their own (or not). And most importantly, it takes time to listen and form your opinion of the song/album.

In other words, writing about music (and anything, really) is a labour of love. You can't continue unless you seriously enjoy it.

I know all this cuz I've tried to do it on my tumblr (link here, and on the right for those who're interested). It started out mainly as a place for me post whatever songs/videos that I liked, ie. sorta for book-keeping purposes. Plus I happened to have a lot of time on my hands haha. Then I discovered that there are others (albeit strangers from across the sea) who like my posts enough to 'like'/reblog them, or even follow my blog. There's a certain satisfaction in knowing that there are people who appreciate and share your interests. So I considered actually writing blurbs to go with the audio/video, to like share my (humble) opinions. But when it came down to it, I realized how HARD it actually was haha. So I only write something when I'm moved/inspired enough to do so, and even then it's mostly just a few lines.

(I feel like I'm drifting further away from what the main point of this post was supposed to be. So I shall end my rambling soon.)

Anyway yea, so I'm trying to challenge myself to contribute more constructive posts. As hard as it might be, it keeps my brain from degenerating during this lull period. And it is good practice cuz I really hope to find a job that allows me to write creatively. But of course I hope I won't write stuff for the sake of it, or because I wanna pander to "the masses". I'll still keep it close to what I love, cuz that was the reason I even had the tumblr in the first place.

As much as "talk-ischeap" is a guilty pleasure, I hope to keep it up even after I find employment and real life restarts.

- end verbal diarrhoea -

PS. editing blogspot templates are a PAIN. I'm starting to despise blogspot for its general unfriendliness. But well, I'm going back to basics with this layout haha.

So black and blue

For you

I think I'm developing a phobia of interviews.

It probably explains my relief that my interview has been postponed.

Been hearing stories about friends of friends who took anything between 8 months to 1 year to find a job. But amazingly they all end happily with their dream jobs (one guy became a bus inspector haha). So then, if 8 months is what it takes to find the job that I like - where I don't have to force myself to look enthusiastic - and a job that likes me for who I am, then I'm down. But of course, I'm also hoping I won't have to wait that long haha.

In the meantime, I need a part-time job to keep myself occupied. Ice cream server, anyone?

Also, here's a janglin' summer tune to make the heatwave feel a little bit better.

Helena Beat by Foster The People

Because Blogger always happens to be down when I feel like writing something, I'm jotting this down on TextEdit (Mac's version of notepad) first. On the same note (haha so many puns!), I think I'm doing most of my blogging on tumblr.

Seriously I think it's awesome; it's like the twitter version of blogging. You can easily find posts on any topic that you happen to fancy at the moment, follow/stalk others who have similar interests, and the best thing is, you can see all their posts all on one page, aka 'the dashboard' so you don't have to visit many individual pages. But anyway, my tumblr is only for media content, ie. videos, songs. So it's like the mistress to my blogger - only there to fulfil my meaningless whims and fancies, but not for anything serious. Not like my posts here are really insightful or thought-provoking.

Sigh.

I'm SO FRUSTRATED by my interviews. I've been to 10!!! 123456789 TEN. That's a record. Somehow I'm saying the right things, but it's just not enough. And maybe sometimes I'm really intimidated by long conference tables. Do I not seem like I want it bad enough?? How am I supposed to want something badly, when I don't even know what that something is? And how do I convey passion without going on my knees to beg?

Maybe I'm not really cut out for marketing. I'm tempted to start applying to agencies. An interviewer once told me that it's a good place to start if you're not sure which industry you wanna join. But I'm afraid of the long hours/crappy pay and facing the wrath of clients. Maybe it'll be a good training ground for me to start cultivating patience and a calm temperament.

I really need to trust and hold on to His promise that there's a reason for all this waiting. And that it'll all be worth it in the end.

Anyhoo, really love the song below. If you weren't listening closely to the lyrics, you'd think they were singing about sunshine and rainbows. Heartbreak never sounded so fun.

Cults - Abducted by cultscultscults

He broke my heart cuz I really loved him

So here's an update of my life:

Jobless and single. Still. And sleeping on the floor cuz my bed broke (no fat jokes please).

I'm such a destitute.

I think my position should be "Professional Interviewee". I keep going for interviews (been 8 so far), but somehow I don't get any offers. I'm starting to think that I'm either really not cut out for marketing, or I just love to flub my interviews.

But I must say, I'm getting really used to this aimless sort of existence. Ok sometimes I feel like a leech on society, but I'm seriously having fun and enjoying all this time that I have for myself haha. Is that wrong? Probably is.

I'll pretend a pretty pretend

When all I wanna see is the end of this

who will you follow?

'I declare to you, brothers and sisters, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed— in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”

“Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?”

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.'

- 1 Corinthians 15:50-58

24.

WHAAATTT??

1. Dinner with Mum and bro.

2. Nice Jap dinner in my belly.

3. Impromptu supper at 11pm!

4. Driving late at night, with the radio up and me singing at the top of my voice.

5. ANTM!

I'd say it was a pretty good night :)

Happy song! -

I'm already out
of foolproof ideas,
so don't ask me how to get started,
it's all uncharted