Because Blogger always happens to be down when I feel like writing something, I'm jotting this down on TextEdit (Mac's version of notepad) first. On the same note (haha so many puns!), I think I'm doing most of my blogging on tumblr.

Seriously I think it's awesome; it's like the twitter version of blogging. You can easily find posts on any topic that you happen to fancy at the moment, follow/stalk others who have similar interests, and the best thing is, you can see all their posts all on one page, aka 'the dashboard' so you don't have to visit many individual pages. But anyway, my tumblr is only for media content, ie. videos, songs. So it's like the mistress to my blogger - only there to fulfil my meaningless whims and fancies, but not for anything serious. Not like my posts here are really insightful or thought-provoking.

Sigh.

I'm SO FRUSTRATED by my interviews. I've been to 10!!! 123456789 TEN. That's a record. Somehow I'm saying the right things, but it's just not enough. And maybe sometimes I'm really intimidated by long conference tables. Do I not seem like I want it bad enough?? How am I supposed to want something badly, when I don't even know what that something is? And how do I convey passion without going on my knees to beg?

Maybe I'm not really cut out for marketing. I'm tempted to start applying to agencies. An interviewer once told me that it's a good place to start if you're not sure which industry you wanna join. But I'm afraid of the long hours/crappy pay and facing the wrath of clients. Maybe it'll be a good training ground for me to start cultivating patience and a calm temperament.

I really need to trust and hold on to His promise that there's a reason for all this waiting. And that it'll all be worth it in the end.

Anyhoo, really love the song below. If you weren't listening closely to the lyrics, you'd think they were singing about sunshine and rainbows. Heartbreak never sounded so fun.

Cults - Abducted by cultscultscults

He broke my heart cuz I really loved him

So here's an update of my life:

Jobless and single. Still. And sleeping on the floor cuz my bed broke (no fat jokes please).

I'm such a destitute.

I think my position should be "Professional Interviewee". I keep going for interviews (been 8 so far), but somehow I don't get any offers. I'm starting to think that I'm either really not cut out for marketing, or I just love to flub my interviews.

But I must say, I'm getting really used to this aimless sort of existence. Ok sometimes I feel like a leech on society, but I'm seriously having fun and enjoying all this time that I have for myself haha. Is that wrong? Probably is.

I'll pretend a pretty pretend

When all I wanna see is the end of this

who will you follow?

'I declare to you, brothers and sisters, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed— in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”

“Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?”

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.'

- 1 Corinthians 15:50-58

24.

WHAAATTT??

1. Dinner with Mum and bro.

2. Nice Jap dinner in my belly.

3. Impromptu supper at 11pm!

4. Driving late at night, with the radio up and me singing at the top of my voice.

5. ANTM!

I'd say it was a pretty good night :)

Happy song! -

I'm already out
of foolproof ideas,
so don't ask me how to get started,
it's all uncharted

The single Rose
Is now the Garden
Where all loves end
Terminate torment
Of love unsatisfied
The greater torment
Of love satisfied
End of the endless
Journey to no end
Conclusion of all that
Is inconclusible
Speech without word and
Word of no speech
Grace to the Mother
For the Garden
Where all love ends.

- T.S. Eliot, "Ash Wednesday"

I've been reading T.S. Eliot lately, and feeling really impressed by his mastery of words.

The things that get me the most excited about (besides traveling), are the moments when I discover a really great band/singer, or a really great writer. There's this huge rush of excitement where I want to read/listen to every work, that at the same time is reined in by the fear that if I consume everything too quickly I won't be able to make the moment (and joy) last. Confusing, but true haha.

And then I feel like I need to share this joy with the rest of the world, which explains the random posting of tracks/videos/excerpts (I even have another blog for this purpose). I want everyone else to experience what I'm feeling. Sadly, my social circle has different tastes, which brings us back to why I go for concerts solo. But that's another story for another day. Anyway, so when I do find a fellow 'kindred' soul, I get so excited that I'd gladly set aside whatever I'm doing (usually unimportant in the first place anyway) to send some songs over or even burn a CD.

I think the gift of song and the gift of writing is rare and to be treasured, yet meant to be shared with the rest of the world. It's amazing how an awesome song/performance can stir one's emotions and resonate something inside you didn't even know you had. It can change the mood and atmosphere of a place and person. It gives hope (and maybe sometimes drive you to depression, but in a good way haha), and succeeds where words otherwise fail. This is probably why series like "Glee" are so popular haha. Music speaks to all of us, no matter the genre. A good book/poem does the same too I think. I'm amazed by how someone I've never even met is able to put my emotions into just a few lines of wonderfully-placed words which when separate don't make sense at all.

I think I'm really just awed by the fact that we as human beings, have been created by God to be distinct from animals such that we are able to feel, to give and take these feelings, and in turn, use them to create works of art that can reach others and stir up a plethora of emotions in them. Wonderful, no? And for this I give thanks :)

I'll try
But I couldn't be better

Wow it's almost been a month! It's MARCH already! Soon it'll be April, and I'll officially be 24.

Sadly, I don't have much to show for.

It's surprising how your days pass by so quickly even when you're not doing anything. Really, they seem to just blur together. I dunno if that's good or bad.

I want a change in my life. Not just my current circumstances, but life in general and in the long term. I feel like I haven't achieved much in my 24 years of existence - maybe just completing my education? Should aiming for a great career be my goal? Cuz somehow I don't see myself doing that.

I think this idle-ness is getting to me.

And disappointingly, as much as I have been sending in job applications, I haven't received any calls for interviews. I'm starting to think those 6 months are a blemish on my record. Or maybe my phone isn't working.

The Wilderness of Manitoba - Hermit

Will you ever know me,

The way I think you should