11am, and I've already had 2 cups of coffee. I've got the caffeine shakes!!
It's gonna be a loooong sem :(
Everybody says time heals everything
But what of the wretched hollow?
The endless in between
Are we just going to wait it out?
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
twenty and ten
To celebrate my new blog layout (not that it's very pretty haha), here is my sort-of reflection for 2009/resolution for 2010. I know it's a bit late la, but better late than never right!
2009 has been a relatively peaceful year for me I think. Like nothing phenomenally good/bad happened. I went through the motions in school (with the usual whining and moaning), failed to pull my CAP up to where I would like it to be, chased after kids in Sentosa, went to Vietnam, sent more friends off :(, did PR for a month, and *poof* it's 2010 already.
I've had really stressful moments in 2009, the most recent incident being when I was trying to juggle work, CP, and Brandstorm all at once, all during my holidays when I was supposed to be playing and avoiding stress at all cost. I wanted to cry during that time man. But I'm really glad that God really provided and saw me through December, as well as all the other stressful times throughout the year. Looking back, I can honestly say I had fun. Work wasn't as bad as expected (except when I made mistakes :S). I met some really nice people, and learnt quite a lot :)
Relationships-wise, I've had quite a few misunderstandings with friends. But I can't say that it was all for the better. I guess we all change, and if we drift apart then so be it. If we manage to see past all our differences next time, then good. But for now I'm just happy the real important people are still hanging around in my life haha.
1) I need to be less judgmental of other people, and the decisions they make. It's ok if we disagree with each other, and others don't think the same way I do. I have to respect their choices, and support them regardless. Well not exactly, especially when I think it's a wrong decision. I guess it's enough to just shut up and stand aside sometimes, instead of constantly forcing your own opinions onto them.
2) It's ok to give and not receive as much as you expect in return. I think everyone knows this, but it's seriously very hard to put into action. Being humans, we expect others to reciprocate with the same amount of effort/time/concern/money we put into them. So we become disappointed and upset when the other party is seemingly oblivious or unappreciative, and we wonder if it's worth it, and just how much is enough to give. We forget that the main purpose of our giving is to show concern for the other person, and not to satisfy our sense of self-gratification. As Christians especially, we've been called to love others as Christ first loved us. It's our duty to love others, even go the extra mile for them, and we don't have the right to demand equal reciprocation from others. But ya, it's really hard to do, and it's something I'm still learning.
3) On the same note, I need to be more forgiving of others. Forgetting is hard, and forgiving is even harder. Sometimes, even after I forget, I still can't properly forgive. I think I just need a bigger heart.
4) I have to cultivate a spirit of dependence on God, instead of trying to rely on my own feeble human ability. I need to continue to turn to Him in both good and bad times. During busy times especially, it's very easy to forget that God is there. When we're so busy going through the motions, we fail to see the clear purpose of why we're doing what we're doing. Then it becomes easy to lose hope and focus. I need to remember to take a step back from life often, and reflect on what I'm doing and whether it is glorifying to God. He hasn't failed me yet, and He definitely won't fail me in the days ahead :)
5) I need to be less dependent on the company of others. It doesn't mean that I'm supposed to be happy being alone, just that I'll be ok when friends leave. The world won't end just cuz I have fewer friends to hang out with (ie. whine and complain to). Friends come and go. I just have to get used to it, and treasure those that are around.
6) As for the perennial question of, "Why am I still single?" I've decided that there's no point worrying over this. It's all up to God's divine timing. If it happens, it happens. Maybe He's decided that I'm not ready yet. But I must admit that it's hard to not worry about this, especially when you're surrounded by couples everywhere. It takes a lot of faith to trust that He is working His hand in all of this, and that He has someone out there for me. I guess the more important thing for me to work at is in being the right girl for the right guy (if and when he comes along).
7) 2010 is probably gonna be tumultous and full of changes, what with me graduating and working (pray I'll find a job :S). I wonder how I'm gonna cope. I wonder if my usual mentality of 'I can get used to anything with time.' will still work. It's the process of getting used to something that is painful I think haha. Then again, once I've gotten over the hurdle, I realized that it was actually just to prepare me for bigger hurdles ahead. "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." So this year, I need to remember this mantra through whatever shit life throws at me. And anyway, back to point (4), with God by my side I can get through anything. I just need to trust in Him, and trust that whatever happens is for a reason and for a greater purpose that I cannot fathom just yet.
And just a sidenote:
6) Sleep early + wake early = good for the body.
Come out to meet me
Run out to meet me
Come into the light
2009 has been a relatively peaceful year for me I think. Like nothing phenomenally good/bad happened. I went through the motions in school (with the usual whining and moaning), failed to pull my CAP up to where I would like it to be, chased after kids in Sentosa, went to Vietnam, sent more friends off :(, did PR for a month, and *poof* it's 2010 already.
I've had really stressful moments in 2009, the most recent incident being when I was trying to juggle work, CP, and Brandstorm all at once, all during my holidays when I was supposed to be playing and avoiding stress at all cost. I wanted to cry during that time man. But I'm really glad that God really provided and saw me through December, as well as all the other stressful times throughout the year. Looking back, I can honestly say I had fun. Work wasn't as bad as expected (except when I made mistakes :S). I met some really nice people, and learnt quite a lot :)
Relationships-wise, I've had quite a few misunderstandings with friends. But I can't say that it was all for the better. I guess we all change, and if we drift apart then so be it. If we manage to see past all our differences next time, then good. But for now I'm just happy the real important people are still hanging around in my life haha.
I guess I can say it was a good year. I managed to get through the tough times relatively unscathed, and had fun during the good times :) Does this mean 2010 is gonna be really bad? Like maybe 2009 was a preparation for 2010. I hope not.
Ok, enough of the past (I can't remember much anyway). For 2010:1) I need to be less judgmental of other people, and the decisions they make. It's ok if we disagree with each other, and others don't think the same way I do. I have to respect their choices, and support them regardless. Well not exactly, especially when I think it's a wrong decision. I guess it's enough to just shut up and stand aside sometimes, instead of constantly forcing your own opinions onto them.
2) It's ok to give and not receive as much as you expect in return. I think everyone knows this, but it's seriously very hard to put into action. Being humans, we expect others to reciprocate with the same amount of effort/time/concern/money we put into them. So we become disappointed and upset when the other party is seemingly oblivious or unappreciative, and we wonder if it's worth it, and just how much is enough to give. We forget that the main purpose of our giving is to show concern for the other person, and not to satisfy our sense of self-gratification. As Christians especially, we've been called to love others as Christ first loved us. It's our duty to love others, even go the extra mile for them, and we don't have the right to demand equal reciprocation from others. But ya, it's really hard to do, and it's something I'm still learning.
3) On the same note, I need to be more forgiving of others. Forgetting is hard, and forgiving is even harder. Sometimes, even after I forget, I still can't properly forgive. I think I just need a bigger heart.
4) I have to cultivate a spirit of dependence on God, instead of trying to rely on my own feeble human ability. I need to continue to turn to Him in both good and bad times. During busy times especially, it's very easy to forget that God is there. When we're so busy going through the motions, we fail to see the clear purpose of why we're doing what we're doing. Then it becomes easy to lose hope and focus. I need to remember to take a step back from life often, and reflect on what I'm doing and whether it is glorifying to God. He hasn't failed me yet, and He definitely won't fail me in the days ahead :)
5) I need to be less dependent on the company of others. It doesn't mean that I'm supposed to be happy being alone, just that I'll be ok when friends leave. The world won't end just cuz I have fewer friends to hang out with (ie. whine and complain to). Friends come and go. I just have to get used to it, and treasure those that are around.
6) As for the perennial question of, "Why am I still single?" I've decided that there's no point worrying over this. It's all up to God's divine timing. If it happens, it happens. Maybe He's decided that I'm not ready yet. But I must admit that it's hard to not worry about this, especially when you're surrounded by couples everywhere. It takes a lot of faith to trust that He is working His hand in all of this, and that He has someone out there for me. I guess the more important thing for me to work at is in being the right girl for the right guy (if and when he comes along).
7) 2010 is probably gonna be tumultous and full of changes, what with me graduating and working (pray I'll find a job :S). I wonder how I'm gonna cope. I wonder if my usual mentality of 'I can get used to anything with time.' will still work. It's the process of getting used to something that is painful I think haha. Then again, once I've gotten over the hurdle, I realized that it was actually just to prepare me for bigger hurdles ahead. "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." So this year, I need to remember this mantra through whatever shit life throws at me. And anyway, back to point (4), with God by my side I can get through anything. I just need to trust in Him, and trust that whatever happens is for a reason and for a greater purpose that I cannot fathom just yet.
And just a sidenote:
6) Sleep early + wake early = good for the body.
Come out to meet me
Run out to meet me
Come into the light
Saturday, January 9, 2010
facts
The thought that this semester is gonna be my last in NUS had me thinking about the things that I've come to accept as facts of life during my time there:
1) Bidding life and limb for a module on CORS, only to not get it.
2) Confusing your breadths, GEMs, UEs, REs, SS. Then worrying that you haven't completed enough of them to graduate.
3) Coming back to school on your free days.
4) Coming back to school during term break.
5) Basically, coming back to school ALL THE TIME.
6) Staying till 11pm for project meetings.
7) Buying/selling textbooks on the IVLE forum, and comparing with friends to see who got the better deal.
8) Printing notes in the com lab. Fast, efficient, and cheap. Except when there's a long queue and the person in front of you happens to be printing a book.
9) Skipping lectures. Then cursing the lecturer for not uploading webcasts.
10) The fierce drinks stall auntie who smiles at boys and scowls at the girls. But the coffee is pretty good. And she's running a monopoly.
11) Uncle Edward at the Western stall with his superhuman memory. And his very stressful "Next please!"
12) Surprise! at the fruit juice stall.
13) The kebabs that always run out. I haven't eaten kebab for 3 months!
14) Always complaining that we eat the same stuff in the Biz canteen, but never actually making the effort to walk to other canteens haha.
14) Dangerous shuttle buses, regardless of whether you're a passenger or a pedestrian.
15) Stairs. Endless, countless stairs.
16) The forever crowded CRC.
17) My stagnant CAP. And not in a good way.
18) Student discounts!! :D
So that's my non-exhaustive list. Shall add to it whenever I think of more stuff. The more I type the more I think I will miss NUS :(
Anyway here's to a successful, not so stressful, FUN last sem in school!
Say you'll stay, don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way, yeah I need to know
All about you
1) Bidding life and limb for a module on CORS, only to not get it.
2) Confusing your breadths, GEMs, UEs, REs, SS. Then worrying that you haven't completed enough of them to graduate.
3) Coming back to school on your free days.
4) Coming back to school during term break.
5) Basically, coming back to school ALL THE TIME.
6) Staying till 11pm for project meetings.
7) Buying/selling textbooks on the IVLE forum, and comparing with friends to see who got the better deal.
8) Printing notes in the com lab. Fast, efficient, and cheap. Except when there's a long queue and the person in front of you happens to be printing a book.
9) Skipping lectures. Then cursing the lecturer for not uploading webcasts.
10) The fierce drinks stall auntie who smiles at boys and scowls at the girls. But the coffee is pretty good. And she's running a monopoly.
11) Uncle Edward at the Western stall with his superhuman memory. And his very stressful "Next please!"
12) Surprise! at the fruit juice stall.
13) The kebabs that always run out. I haven't eaten kebab for 3 months!
14) Always complaining that we eat the same stuff in the Biz canteen, but never actually making the effort to walk to other canteens haha.
14) Dangerous shuttle buses, regardless of whether you're a passenger or a pedestrian.
15) Stairs. Endless, countless stairs.
16) The forever crowded CRC.
17) My stagnant CAP. And not in a good way.
18) Student discounts!! :D
So that's my non-exhaustive list. Shall add to it whenever I think of more stuff. The more I type the more I think I will miss NUS :(
Anyway here's to a successful, not so stressful, FUN last sem in school!
Say you'll stay, don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way, yeah I need to know
All about you
Thursday, December 31, 2009
eve of the eve
It's the eve of New Year's Eve!
This time last year, I just came back from KL with WWF. It's scary how time always manages to catch you unawares. I honestly cannot remember what happened in 2009 haha.
I don't know if it's good/bad that the past year went by relatively smoothly, to the point of being almost monotonous. But I guess it's good that nothing much has changed, except that more people have gone overseas :(
Oh well, basically I just wanted to say something on 31 December 2009 haha. I'll come back with my reflection later. Too tired to think (I took like 1 full minute just to figure out how to spell "monotonous", the m's and n's were starting to blend together). It's been a crazy week. I look forward to a good long nap this weekend :D and there's some serious bidding to do also! ARgh.
Last but not least, this is an awesome rendition of "Everytime You Go Away".
The pressure is rising
I mean it, it's binding
I've been compromising for you
This time last year, I just came back from KL with WWF. It's scary how time always manages to catch you unawares. I honestly cannot remember what happened in 2009 haha.
I don't know if it's good/bad that the past year went by relatively smoothly, to the point of being almost monotonous. But I guess it's good that nothing much has changed, except that more people have gone overseas :(
Oh well, basically I just wanted to say something on 31 December 2009 haha. I'll come back with my reflection later. Too tired to think (I took like 1 full minute just to figure out how to spell "monotonous", the m's and n's were starting to blend together). It's been a crazy week. I look forward to a good long nap this weekend :D and there's some serious bidding to do also! ARgh.
Last but not least, this is an awesome rendition of "Everytime You Go Away".
The pressure is rising
I mean it, it's binding
I've been compromising for you
Sunday, December 20, 2009
oh here it goes again
I'm back to complain about work again. Sorry la, I can't complain on fb or msn cuz my boss might see :(
I MISS those days when I didn't have a care in my mind. When I could sleep however late I want, and wake up at lunch time for all I care. When the most important thing I had to worry about was where to go/who to meet. Now, my mind is either revolving around work (the immense load waiting for me everyday), or projects (another gigantic burden on my shoulders), or both. It's like my mind never had a chance to rest after twirling around the entire semester. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE MY DARN HOLIDAYS.
But what to do, I brought this all upon myself. And it's too late to turn back now. At first it was supposed to be about earning some extra $$ for grad trip, but now it looks like my grad trip might not even happen at all :( So not worth it. Note to self: Money should never be the only reason to work when you have every opportunity to slack at home.
This is the first time I've actually forgotten that it's Christmas! And I haven't written any xmas cards!! Sooner or later, I'm gonna lose this tradition. But well Christmas is not supposed to be about that warm fuzzy feeling, but more about reflecting/celebrating Christ's birth.
Seeing all those elderly people hobbling to the stage (most had to walk with canes) to get baptised during today's Hainanese service was really touching. Even though most of them were evidently not strong enough to kneel, they still did so. It's like their love for Christ is so strong that they were willing to go the whole distance in spite of their physical weaknesses. And it's really good to see the joy on their faces after being baptised. It makes me feel ashamed of those times when I've complained about serving in church. If these elderly could find it in them to make the extra step to accept Christ, what more myself, a young and able person? It's also a good reminder that we don't have to do alot to be close to Christ, we only need a willing heart :)
Ok maybe I shouldn't be complaining so much. The most I can do is to try my best to get through this period. There's a reason why the Lord opened the door to this job (no matter how painful it might be). And in spite of the hardship, there's still plenty to be learnt. Something good will come out of this. Most importantly I shouldn't forget who's got my back in all this! :)
Just when you think you're in control,
Just when you think you've got a hold,
Just when you get on a roll,
Oh here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again.
I MISS those days when I didn't have a care in my mind. When I could sleep however late I want, and wake up at lunch time for all I care. When the most important thing I had to worry about was where to go/who to meet. Now, my mind is either revolving around work (the immense load waiting for me everyday), or projects (another gigantic burden on my shoulders), or both. It's like my mind never had a chance to rest after twirling around the entire semester. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE MY DARN HOLIDAYS.
But what to do, I brought this all upon myself. And it's too late to turn back now. At first it was supposed to be about earning some extra $$ for grad trip, but now it looks like my grad trip might not even happen at all :( So not worth it. Note to self: Money should never be the only reason to work when you have every opportunity to slack at home.
This is the first time I've actually forgotten that it's Christmas! And I haven't written any xmas cards!! Sooner or later, I'm gonna lose this tradition. But well Christmas is not supposed to be about that warm fuzzy feeling, but more about reflecting/celebrating Christ's birth.
Seeing all those elderly people hobbling to the stage (most had to walk with canes) to get baptised during today's Hainanese service was really touching. Even though most of them were evidently not strong enough to kneel, they still did so. It's like their love for Christ is so strong that they were willing to go the whole distance in spite of their physical weaknesses. And it's really good to see the joy on their faces after being baptised. It makes me feel ashamed of those times when I've complained about serving in church. If these elderly could find it in them to make the extra step to accept Christ, what more myself, a young and able person? It's also a good reminder that we don't have to do alot to be close to Christ, we only need a willing heart :)
Ok maybe I shouldn't be complaining so much. The most I can do is to try my best to get through this period. There's a reason why the Lord opened the door to this job (no matter how painful it might be). And in spite of the hardship, there's still plenty to be learnt. Something good will come out of this. Most importantly I shouldn't forget who's got my back in all this! :)
Just when you think you're in control,
Just when you think you've got a hold,
Just when you get on a roll,
Oh here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I'm sick again. Irritating irritating irritating!!!
I think I can't balance work and projects. I'm not meant to multi-task. I can facebook while working, but I can't do 2 "work-s" at one time. It's tiring and it's driving me mad. All I want to do is watch TV shows, and sleep in. I don't even have time to be lazy anymore. Excuses, excuses.
There's a chance
I'll start to wonder
If this was the thing to do
I think I can't balance work and projects. I'm not meant to multi-task. I can facebook while working, but I can't do 2 "work-s" at one time. It's tiring and it's driving me mad. All I want to do is watch TV shows, and sleep in. I don't even have time to be lazy anymore. Excuses, excuses.
There's a chance
I'll start to wonder
If this was the thing to do
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Out of the goodness of his heart (and maybe pity), my bro lent me the use of his super powerful laptop for the month of December :D Oh the joy of a speedy computer without constantly being disrupted by frequent hangs, or having to wait 5 secs just to change windows. I hate the thought of going back to my ol' Fujitsu once the new sem starts :S I think this comic really summarizes how I feel towards my computer haha.
So work has been well..TIRING. I do PR (public relations) in the day, and PR (project research) at night. Good times. So far I've even made a few stupid mistakes here and there argh. After one whole sem writing 15 page reports, I don't think I'm capable of flowery descriptive vocabulary anymore. Nvm, 4 more weeeekssss. The good thing is that I sleep early and wake up even earlier. I even managed to wake up at 7am to go cycling today!
So work has been well..TIRING. I do PR (public relations) in the day, and PR (project research) at night. Good times. So far I've even made a few stupid mistakes here and there argh. After one whole sem writing 15 page reports, I don't think I'm capable of flowery descriptive vocabulary anymore. Nvm, 4 more weeeekssss. The good thing is that I sleep early and wake up even earlier. I even managed to wake up at 7am to go cycling today!Speaking of which, today was really fulfilling although really early mornings are a pain. I'm surprised so many of us managed to make it for our 8am cycling trip :) And it was fun! Leisurely cycling (as opposed to going as far as possible, then chionging like mad to return the bikes on time) rocks. Then after that we went to this Penguin (the publisher) book sale at Singapore Expo and I got like 8 books for $41. Like totally worth it la, considering a book typically costs at least $17 outside.
So I'm still really tired (even after an afternoon nap) and really dreading work :(
Good to know it's all a game
Disappointment has a name
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