2009 has been a relatively peaceful year for me I think. Like nothing phenomenally good/bad happened. I went through the motions in school (with the usual whining and moaning), failed to pull my CAP up to where I would like it to be, chased after kids in Sentosa, went to Vietnam, sent more friends off :(, did PR for a month, and *poof* it's 2010 already.
I've had really stressful moments in 2009, the most recent incident being when I was trying to juggle work, CP, and Brandstorm all at once, all during my holidays when I was supposed to be playing and avoiding stress at all cost. I wanted to cry during that time man. But I'm really glad that God really provided and saw me through December, as well as all the other stressful times throughout the year. Looking back, I can honestly say I had fun. Work wasn't as bad as expected (except when I made mistakes :S). I met some really nice people, and learnt quite a lot :)
Relationships-wise, I've had quite a few misunderstandings with friends. But I can't say that it was all for the better. I guess we all change, and if we drift apart then so be it. If we manage to see past all our differences next time, then good. But for now I'm just happy the real important people are still hanging around in my life haha.
I guess I can say it was a good year. I managed to get through the tough times relatively unscathed, and had fun during the good times :) Does this mean 2010 is gonna be really bad? Like maybe 2009 was a preparation for 2010. I hope not.
Ok, enough of the past (I can't remember much anyway). For 2010:1) I need to be less judgmental of other people, and the decisions they make. It's ok if we disagree with each other, and others don't think the same way I do. I have to respect their choices, and support them regardless. Well not exactly, especially when I think it's a wrong decision. I guess it's enough to just shut up and stand aside sometimes, instead of constantly forcing your own opinions onto them.
2) It's ok to give and not receive as much as you expect in return. I think everyone knows this, but it's seriously very hard to put into action. Being humans, we expect others to reciprocate with the same amount of effort/time/concern/money we put into them. So we become disappointed and upset when the other party is seemingly oblivious or unappreciative, and we wonder if it's worth it, and just how much is enough to give. We forget that the main purpose of our giving is to show concern for the other person, and not to satisfy our sense of self-gratification. As Christians especially, we've been called to love others as Christ first loved us. It's our duty to love others, even go the extra mile for them, and we don't have the right to demand equal reciprocation from others. But ya, it's really hard to do, and it's something I'm still learning.
3) On the same note, I need to be more forgiving of others. Forgetting is hard, and forgiving is even harder. Sometimes, even after I forget, I still can't properly forgive. I think I just need a bigger heart.
4) I have to cultivate a spirit of dependence on God, instead of trying to rely on my own feeble human ability. I need to continue to turn to Him in both good and bad times. During busy times especially, it's very easy to forget that God is there. When we're so busy going through the motions, we fail to see the clear purpose of why we're doing what we're doing. Then it becomes easy to lose hope and focus. I need to remember to take a step back from life often, and reflect on what I'm doing and whether it is glorifying to God. He hasn't failed me yet, and He definitely won't fail me in the days ahead :)
5) I need to be less dependent on the company of others. It doesn't mean that I'm supposed to be happy being alone, just that I'll be ok when friends leave. The world won't end just cuz I have fewer friends to hang out with (ie. whine and complain to). Friends come and go. I just have to get used to it, and treasure those that are around.
6) As for the perennial question of, "Why am I still single?" I've decided that there's no point worrying over this. It's all up to God's divine timing. If it happens, it happens. Maybe He's decided that I'm not ready yet. But I must admit that it's hard to not worry about this, especially when you're surrounded by couples everywhere. It takes a lot of faith to trust that He is working His hand in all of this, and that He has someone out there for me. I guess the more important thing for me to work at is in being the right girl for the right guy (if and when he comes along).
7) 2010 is probably gonna be tumultous and full of changes, what with me graduating and working (pray I'll find a job :S). I wonder how I'm gonna cope. I wonder if my usual mentality of 'I can get used to anything with time.' will still work. It's the process of getting used to something that is painful I think haha. Then again, once I've gotten over the hurdle, I realized that it was actually just to prepare me for bigger hurdles ahead. "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." So this year, I need to remember this mantra through whatever shit life throws at me. And anyway, back to point (4), with God by my side I can get through anything. I just need to trust in Him, and trust that whatever happens is for a reason and for a greater purpose that I cannot fathom just yet.
And just a sidenote:
6) Sleep early + wake early = good for the body.
Come out to meet me
Run out to meet me
Come into the light
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