Work sucks. In summary: there are too many things to do, too many people talking, too many whims and fancies to cater to. And I have too little time, too few hands, too little ability to deal with all of that. I feel inadequate and it all feels like I'm in over my head. (And recently, a little niggling thought that I should be making more for all the crap I'm doing, has been creeping up on me.)
I've cut back on things that I shouldn't be cutting back on, like choir service and cell group meetings. And it's incredibly frustrating when people say things like, "You need some trials to bring you back." I'm not entirely sure if they're kidding, but it's not funny.
I'm 25. Gosh, what a big number to live up to. The thing is, I don't feel anywhere close to 25. Sure, I guess I'm doing big girl things, but I'm not sure if my mentality really matches up.
But I guess it could be worse. I could be jobless, or working continuous 12am days (albeit earning wayy more), I could be stuck in a lousy, morale-sucking environment, I could have rude and demanding managers, I could have dry and humourless beings for colleagues, etc.
So I'm thinking I should be more positive and upbeat about it all, to learn to take things in stride, to take each day that comes as a challenge. Cuz I may be 25, but I'm still young. I still have so much more to learn and experience and contribute.
And it really could be worse.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
“
- e.e. cummings
a bouquet of clumsy words: you know that place between sleep and awake where you’re still dreaming but it’s slowly slipping? i wish we could feel like that more often. i also wish i could click my fingers three times and be transported to anywhere i like. i wish that people didn`t always say ‘just wondering’ when you both know there was a real reason behind them asking. and i wish i could get lost in the stars.
listen, there`s a hell of a good universe next door, let`s go
”- e.e. cummings
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Hard times are hard.
When you have 3 people doing the work of 5, everyday is literally a new adventure. Seriously we're all just taking it one day at a time, cuz how are you supposed to look ahead to the next week when you're struggling even just to make it through this day?
In the words of my manager when asked how the team morale is, "I don't think they have time to think about morale."
But I WILL GET THROUGH THIS. And at least it's a team effort; you feel better knowing you're all in it together (like the High School Musical song).
One day at a time, one week at a time, one month at a time.
Now that you got it all wrong
You got it all backwards girl
Enter through the exit and exit through the entrance
When you have 3 people doing the work of 5, everyday is literally a new adventure. Seriously we're all just taking it one day at a time, cuz how are you supposed to look ahead to the next week when you're struggling even just to make it through this day?
In the words of my manager when asked how the team morale is, "I don't think they have time to think about morale."
But I WILL GET THROUGH THIS. And at least it's a team effort; you feel better knowing you're all in it together (like the High School Musical song).
One day at a time, one week at a time, one month at a time.
Now that you got it all wrong
You got it all backwards girl
Enter through the exit and exit through the entrance
Monday, January 23, 2012
aberrant, adj.
“I don’t normally do this kind of thing,” you said.
“Neither do I,” I assured you.
Later it turned out we had both met people online before, and we had both slept with people on first dates before, and we had both found ourselves falling too fast before. But we comforted ourselves with what we really meant to say, which was: “I don’t normally feel this good about what I’m doing.”
Measure the hope of that moment, that feeling.
Everything else will be measured against it.
- David Levithan, "The Lover's Dictionary"
Everyone should read this book.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
there is no once and for all
Get up, get out, stand up and shout your name
Don't be afraid to get in the way again
Don't try to stop, like it or not you'll change
You know you only can go further away
When did we forget what we knew
When did we grow up and when did we lose
Everything we were so sure about then
How do we know it won’t happen again
- "Once and For All", Clock Opera
some words for the new year.
Don't be afraid to get in the way again
Don't try to stop, like it or not you'll change
You know you only can go further away
When did we forget what we knew
When did we grow up and when did we lose
Everything we were so sure about then
How do we know it won’t happen again
- "Once and For All", Clock Opera
some words for the new year.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
"I did not expect it to be so easy to find happiness. I was twenty one years old when I met her. I still drank Bailey's Irish Cream and I still listened to Oasis. I feel funny even writing that down. Six years later, I don't do these things. I pour M red wine and we put on Ethiopiques. In the morning we kiss goodbye and in the evening we ride our bikes over overpasses, along canals. You cannot see the stars in the city but still we lie on our backs in the grass and we pretend we can, like when I was twenty one and she swept me off my feet. Six years. I did not expect it to be so easy to find happiness.
Last night she turned to me with colour in her cheeks and she said something that felt complicated and direct and unwavering, like she was taking my hand and putting it in a fire, and taking my eyes and making me see that our hands were in a fire. As she spoke, I listened without any confusion, because she is M. I watched each expression flicker across her face. Colour in her cheeks. In my heart I said, secretly, Okay, enough. Let's. Let's. All our lives, we shall lie in the grass and see certain stars that one-another has imagined."
- 'Until', Said the Gramophone
These sentiments: at once incomprehensible and illogical, and yet to you they're as clear as day that you wonder, 'Why does no one else see what I see?'
Do I wish to be overcome with these feelings, these giddy sensations? Heck yes. Someday, maybe.
But for now, it is enough to know that they exist and once existed.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
The irony of going on holiday when you're an employed person is that even though you have the spending power, you don't have the time. My Aussie holiday was 4 months of planning, but only took a fraction of that time - 7 days is too short! Ah Aussie, there's so much to love about you.
After the harrowing trauma Qantas put me through for a week before the trip, I finally managed to get my butt on the plane to Melbourne, bar the minor scare when they put me on Emirates at the last min. The flight back from Sydney was so much better though. I got to sit the A380! Bigger seats, smoother flight, decent food. Small note: every airline should give you a bottle of water at the beginning of the flight. That'll save you from the risk of dehydration and the pain of having to call the flight attendant frequently for a small cup of water. And kudos for the awesome hot choc/peppermint tea after the meal.
Melbourne is a charming city! I really love the awesome cafes (didn't get to try all the recommended ones though), and laidback and chill atmosphere going on there. Or maybe it's just the abundance of fabulous coffee - my first cup at St Kilda really cemented my love for Melbourne haha. Starbucks should seriously just close down. I'm gonna be savouring (and hoarding) those coffee grounds I bought back. And maybe get a decent machine too.
When I'm travelling, I'm most at my element when I can just wander around streets aimlessly and stop at interesting places at my own leisure. This is why I prefer cities to the countryside (more on that later), cuz somehow they allow you the pleasure of anonymity cuz you can just blend in with the other faces and pretend you're a local. Although of cuz that illusion fades once you whip out your camera and that clueless tourist expression comes out. So yeah on the first day, it was fun just wandering around St Kilda (although it was swarming with tourists), hanging out a friend's place watching TV and eating fish & chips. Even shopping was fun, like on Thurs when we discovered this really cool vintage camera shop (owned by the old Cantonese lady) and got some cool stationery. I sound like a loser but I guess I really just like the normal-ity of it and how regular it feels even though it's no diff from hanging out at home haha.
But anyway, I did go out of the city and we rented a car for the Great Ocean Road and Phillip Island. Driving was an experience, esp for someone like me who only drives once a week in Singapore. So imagine my horror when I realized I was gonna be the only driver cuz Lauren's license expired. But it all went swellingly well haha. The Great Ocean Road was windy but there were barriers in case I careened off into the ocean so it wasn't as dangerous as I'd thought haha. And this is the first time I drove for 3 hours at a stretch! Those "sleep and you die" signs helped too. Our little Toyota Yaris was also really easy to drive, but I guess anything's better than my magic school bus at home haha. Oh and I managed to parallel park on the first try! and mastered that uniquely Melbourne creature that is the hook turn (after I got honked at) :D
The Great Ocean Road had really superb views, and thankfully we had very good weather that day :) All blue blue sky, with the blue blue ocean. I would've liked to spend more time just sitting there admiring the scenery but regretfully we had to go. But at least we got to see the Twelve Apostles (only seven left). I think I'll move here after I retire, or after I marry a rich guy, whichever comes first haha.
Phillip Island was another treat, this time for its wildlife. We got to meet koala bears, kangaroos, wallabies and plenty of obnoxious peacocks and horny seagulls. And oh yeah, the famous Penguin Parade. Those little penguins are "aw shucks" cuteeee waddling up the beach. And they're soooo many of them - like 1516 or something the night we were there. Fun fact: female penguins select males by the burrows they've built (there's an open house too) and by how fat they are. We need to implement this system among humans. Boys should absolutely come with houses, cuz I can't afford them. So we saw the cute wildlife, and thankfully didn't meet any of the bazillion other dangerous creatures Australia is famous for haha.
And here's why I don't like the countryside as much as I enjoy the scenic landscape. I just don't enjoy living there. We stayed at this cabin on Phillip Island that came with plenty of spooks. Actually it's all our active imagination but I think the countryside quiet contributed a lot too. It's so quiet it's deafening. And it amplifies all those little noises that you hear all around you but have absolutely no idea where it's coming from. So basically we lay in our bed, scaring ourselves sleepless (or more like, Lauren poked me awake at every bump in the night). And we missed our surfing lesson the next morn! :( But yeah looking back, it's actually pretty hilarious. At least now we've established the fact that I'm strictly a city girl.
Yarra Valley was ok, a little meh though the tour at Domaine Chandon was quite educational. I think the drive there was more interesting. We were basically driving through the forest - like small windy road flanked by tall tall trees with bits of light peeking through, and no phone reception. It was fun, but after a while I was ready for concrete highway haha. Oops, there goes my city girl side again haha.
Speaking of phones, I dunno if it's a curse that I'm so reliant on being connected. I mean, it was great to be able to whatsapp, use Google Maps, upload FB photos and google anything on the go. But isn't a holiday meant for you to disconnect from everyone else? But yet, I don't wanna miss anything while I'm gone! I bet my parents had better, more relaxing holidays in their time. I blame it on the iPhone haha.
So, Sydney. Can I just say that free walking tours are the best idea ever to promote tourism?? You pay the guide in tips that you think he deserves and in return you get really educational insider knowledge of the city. (But yeah, we probably won't be able to sustain this in Singapore. We're too cheap, and it's hard to find someone who's willing to work for peanuts.) Anyway we looked at old buildings and heard interesting stories. Then dropped out to take the ferry to Manly, mainly to enjoy the view of the Opera House and Harbour Bridge, and get a tan at the same time. If I ever return to Sydney I'd really wanna visit Manly Beach. This time we only went to Bondi, initially with the intention to do the coastal walk to Coogee. But those plans went out the window the moment we saw the pristine beaches, blue blue surf, and the warm warm sun. And also peer pressure, from those hundreds of other pple just laying there. I felt overdressed in my tshirt so we went and bought bikinis and just splayed out on the beach until it got too cold haha. Best change of plans, ever. Though I didn't get the tan I wanted (my right side is darker from the time on the ferry) haha.
At night, we decided to act atas and dress up (sans makeup for me) to go up to this bar in Sydney Tower. Note to self: I really need to remember to bring a proper dress with makeup the next time I travel. I felt so inadequate in that classy place haha. But anyway, the drinks were expensiiiveee. And I didn't even finish it! Thanks to the 3 diff vodkas in it, I was already tipsy and super flushed a quarter into my drink. I'm such a lightweight haha. But oh well, it's nice to pretend to be rich and classy occasionally. You only live once right.
The last day, I wandered around Sydney alone (after Lauren left) and found myself at a flea market. It was awesome and I got to meet another Singaporean who was manning one of the stalls there. Speaking of striking conversations with strangers, I think I've never gotten the hang of that. I still don't really know what to say when pple ask me how I'm doing, and I'm always caught off-guard when strangers talk to me and end up coming off as socially retarded. It's a Singaporean thing; we just prefer not to acknowledge each other if we can help it :S But yeah I'm trying to work on that cuz it's always interesting to get to know others.
Oh also, can I just state that I never wanna stay in hostels again? They're cheap, yes, but I would very much prefer clean (and private) bathrooms, and some quiet at night. I think I'm getting too old for communal living and finding bras outside when I leave in the morn.
All in all, I'll really miss the charm and laidback-ness of Australia and its people (many many good-lookers over there, gosh those BLUE EYES haha). That said, I think this trip wasn't long enough and I'd definitely go back soon for more! For now, I'm thoroughly exhausted and totally NOT ready for work :( Though I can say that I do feel more refreshed emotionally and spiritually. And well, I still have a few more days of leave to clear so that's something to look forward to haha.
After the harrowing trauma Qantas put me through for a week before the trip, I finally managed to get my butt on the plane to Melbourne, bar the minor scare when they put me on Emirates at the last min. The flight back from Sydney was so much better though. I got to sit the A380! Bigger seats, smoother flight, decent food. Small note: every airline should give you a bottle of water at the beginning of the flight. That'll save you from the risk of dehydration and the pain of having to call the flight attendant frequently for a small cup of water. And kudos for the awesome hot choc/peppermint tea after the meal.
Melbourne is a charming city! I really love the awesome cafes (didn't get to try all the recommended ones though), and laidback and chill atmosphere going on there. Or maybe it's just the abundance of fabulous coffee - my first cup at St Kilda really cemented my love for Melbourne haha. Starbucks should seriously just close down. I'm gonna be savouring (and hoarding) those coffee grounds I bought back. And maybe get a decent machine too.
When I'm travelling, I'm most at my element when I can just wander around streets aimlessly and stop at interesting places at my own leisure. This is why I prefer cities to the countryside (more on that later), cuz somehow they allow you the pleasure of anonymity cuz you can just blend in with the other faces and pretend you're a local. Although of cuz that illusion fades once you whip out your camera and that clueless tourist expression comes out. So yeah on the first day, it was fun just wandering around St Kilda (although it was swarming with tourists), hanging out a friend's place watching TV and eating fish & chips. Even shopping was fun, like on Thurs when we discovered this really cool vintage camera shop (owned by the old Cantonese lady) and got some cool stationery. I sound like a loser but I guess I really just like the normal-ity of it and how regular it feels even though it's no diff from hanging out at home haha.
But anyway, I did go out of the city and we rented a car for the Great Ocean Road and Phillip Island. Driving was an experience, esp for someone like me who only drives once a week in Singapore. So imagine my horror when I realized I was gonna be the only driver cuz Lauren's license expired. But it all went swellingly well haha. The Great Ocean Road was windy but there were barriers in case I careened off into the ocean so it wasn't as dangerous as I'd thought haha. And this is the first time I drove for 3 hours at a stretch! Those "sleep and you die" signs helped too. Our little Toyota Yaris was also really easy to drive, but I guess anything's better than my magic school bus at home haha. Oh and I managed to parallel park on the first try! and mastered that uniquely Melbourne creature that is the hook turn (after I got honked at) :D
The Great Ocean Road had really superb views, and thankfully we had very good weather that day :) All blue blue sky, with the blue blue ocean. I would've liked to spend more time just sitting there admiring the scenery but regretfully we had to go. But at least we got to see the Twelve Apostles (only seven left). I think I'll move here after I retire, or after I marry a rich guy, whichever comes first haha.
Phillip Island was another treat, this time for its wildlife. We got to meet koala bears, kangaroos, wallabies and plenty of obnoxious peacocks and horny seagulls. And oh yeah, the famous Penguin Parade. Those little penguins are "aw shucks" cuteeee waddling up the beach. And they're soooo many of them - like 1516 or something the night we were there. Fun fact: female penguins select males by the burrows they've built (there's an open house too) and by how fat they are. We need to implement this system among humans. Boys should absolutely come with houses, cuz I can't afford them. So we saw the cute wildlife, and thankfully didn't meet any of the bazillion other dangerous creatures Australia is famous for haha.
And here's why I don't like the countryside as much as I enjoy the scenic landscape. I just don't enjoy living there. We stayed at this cabin on Phillip Island that came with plenty of spooks. Actually it's all our active imagination but I think the countryside quiet contributed a lot too. It's so quiet it's deafening. And it amplifies all those little noises that you hear all around you but have absolutely no idea where it's coming from. So basically we lay in our bed, scaring ourselves sleepless (or more like, Lauren poked me awake at every bump in the night). And we missed our surfing lesson the next morn! :( But yeah looking back, it's actually pretty hilarious. At least now we've established the fact that I'm strictly a city girl.
Yarra Valley was ok, a little meh though the tour at Domaine Chandon was quite educational. I think the drive there was more interesting. We were basically driving through the forest - like small windy road flanked by tall tall trees with bits of light peeking through, and no phone reception. It was fun, but after a while I was ready for concrete highway haha. Oops, there goes my city girl side again haha.
Speaking of phones, I dunno if it's a curse that I'm so reliant on being connected. I mean, it was great to be able to whatsapp, use Google Maps, upload FB photos and google anything on the go. But isn't a holiday meant for you to disconnect from everyone else? But yet, I don't wanna miss anything while I'm gone! I bet my parents had better, more relaxing holidays in their time. I blame it on the iPhone haha.
So, Sydney. Can I just say that free walking tours are the best idea ever to promote tourism?? You pay the guide in tips that you think he deserves and in return you get really educational insider knowledge of the city. (But yeah, we probably won't be able to sustain this in Singapore. We're too cheap, and it's hard to find someone who's willing to work for peanuts.) Anyway we looked at old buildings and heard interesting stories. Then dropped out to take the ferry to Manly, mainly to enjoy the view of the Opera House and Harbour Bridge, and get a tan at the same time. If I ever return to Sydney I'd really wanna visit Manly Beach. This time we only went to Bondi, initially with the intention to do the coastal walk to Coogee. But those plans went out the window the moment we saw the pristine beaches, blue blue surf, and the warm warm sun. And also peer pressure, from those hundreds of other pple just laying there. I felt overdressed in my tshirt so we went and bought bikinis and just splayed out on the beach until it got too cold haha. Best change of plans, ever. Though I didn't get the tan I wanted (my right side is darker from the time on the ferry) haha.
At night, we decided to act atas and dress up (sans makeup for me) to go up to this bar in Sydney Tower. Note to self: I really need to remember to bring a proper dress with makeup the next time I travel. I felt so inadequate in that classy place haha. But anyway, the drinks were expensiiiveee. And I didn't even finish it! Thanks to the 3 diff vodkas in it, I was already tipsy and super flushed a quarter into my drink. I'm such a lightweight haha. But oh well, it's nice to pretend to be rich and classy occasionally. You only live once right.
The last day, I wandered around Sydney alone (after Lauren left) and found myself at a flea market. It was awesome and I got to meet another Singaporean who was manning one of the stalls there. Speaking of striking conversations with strangers, I think I've never gotten the hang of that. I still don't really know what to say when pple ask me how I'm doing, and I'm always caught off-guard when strangers talk to me and end up coming off as socially retarded. It's a Singaporean thing; we just prefer not to acknowledge each other if we can help it :S But yeah I'm trying to work on that cuz it's always interesting to get to know others.
Oh also, can I just state that I never wanna stay in hostels again? They're cheap, yes, but I would very much prefer clean (and private) bathrooms, and some quiet at night. I think I'm getting too old for communal living and finding bras outside when I leave in the morn.
All in all, I'll really miss the charm and laidback-ness of Australia and its people (many many good-lookers over there, gosh those BLUE EYES haha). That said, I think this trip wasn't long enough and I'd definitely go back soon for more! For now, I'm thoroughly exhausted and totally NOT ready for work :( Though I can say that I do feel more refreshed emotionally and spiritually. And well, I still have a few more days of leave to clear so that's something to look forward to haha.
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