Updates:
My time in Jurong is finally done! I dunno how I feel though - a mixture of happiness and wistfulness? My colleagues were the best people I could've ever asked to work with, and I'm glad they've become more than just colleagues. They made my days more bearable, and provided lots of fun and laughter. Will really miss them :(
They've set a really high benchmark of expectations for my future colleagues that I'm really worried will not be met. Like what if the people at my next job are a bunch of meanies?
Then again, I'm also glad to be leaving. At least people can stop asking, "So when is your last day again?" haha. This is sort of the end of a memorable, albeit short, chapter in my life. I can't say I didn't come away with anything, cuz I did. I really learnt a lot; things like being aware of the different little nuances that can convey anything and everything, thinking before speaking, and the many different shades people come in. In the real world, there's no black and white. Just many many greys. And I guess I know more about navigating through all these things, though I'm still far from being an expert.
So now I'm in the transition period haha. Again. I feel kinda aimless, though I hope it won't be meaningless. Right now I don't think my priority is in finding a new job (I mean, it is in a way) but in really seriously considering what I want and seek for my next position. I can't say, "I won't know what I like until I try it" anymore. Cuz then it'll be a repeat of the previous job, and this time I won't be able to just pat my backside and leave.
So I'm really praying for wisdom and guidance in my decisions, for God to reveal His purpose and plans for me. And of course, for me to use my free time wisely and meaningfully. If this is God's season for me to be unoccupied, I pray it'll be fruitful and this period will help me to sort out my thoughts, priorities, and really use it to grow in my spiritual life (been slacking a lot recently).
Oh and I went ahead and bought a Rachael Yamagata ticket! Haha madness. I was literally camping in front of the com (at work :S) waiting for ticket sales to start. And they sold out in 5 mins! Woots, so really glad I managed to get my hands on 1. This will be my virgin experience of being a loner at a concert though. I just hope with the chaotic ticket sales, there'll be plenty of others like me haha.
But I'm the one that's acting like I'm so strong
You're the one that's acting like nothing's wrong
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
music sampling
Sooo many of my fav bands are coming to Singapore but I have no one to see them with! WHY. It's so hard to find people who share the same tastes in music. I need more friends :(
Is it sad to go to a concert alone? Cuz I'm really tempted to do it, esp for Rachael Yamagata. I know it'll totally be worth the awkwardness of sitting by myself haha.
Since I'm at it, I might as well share other favs:
Phoenix! Awesome French band that sings in English. They make me wanna get up and dance haha.
KT Tunstall is cool in this video cuz she's a one-woman band. She beatboxes, then records it on this machine that loops it so it becomes the beat of the song. And she plays the guitar, and whistles!
And of course, The National. Their music moves me. Regret not buying tickets to their upcoming gig.
We're half awake in a fake empire
Is it sad to go to a concert alone? Cuz I'm really tempted to do it, esp for Rachael Yamagata. I know it'll totally be worth the awkwardness of sitting by myself haha.
Since I'm at it, I might as well share other favs:
Phoenix! Awesome French band that sings in English. They make me wanna get up and dance haha.
KT Tunstall is cool in this video cuz she's a one-woman band. She beatboxes, then records it on this machine that loops it so it becomes the beat of the song. And she plays the guitar, and whistles!
And of course, The National. Their music moves me. Regret not buying tickets to their upcoming gig.
We're half awake in a fake empire
Saturday, January 1, 2011
twenty eleven
Wooo, is it 2011 ALREADY. It seems like once the millenium started the years just starting zooming past. Or maybe I'm just getting older. In the words of my dad, "Next year is the rabbit year, which means you're 24 already. By the time the next cycle comes in 12 years, you should already have 2 kids. (Me: WHAT?) But no pressure."
Anyway although the past year might seem brief, as usual it didn't go down without any drama. There have been plenty of highs and lows: CP and its sleepless nights, graduation!, Europe (still can't believe I was running around that continent for 3 weeks, but can't wait to go back), and who can forget being shoved head-first into my first job (and subsequent resignation). Nice. But of course, I'm really thankful that in spite of everything, I got through the year relatively smoothly, and all the better for it.
For 2011, my hope is that it will be a chill year. But of course, life will always be full of drama. What I really hope for is that I can let go of the regrets of 2010, and live a purposeful life! I hope to finally find a job I enjoy, and continue the transition into the role of responsible, working adult instead of still wishing I was a student. This also means to be able to better balance work, family, friends and of course time with God. Speaking of which, I also hope this year will be a good time of spiritual refreshment and reflection.
Below is an article in today's Straits Times which I found to be quite meaningful for the new year:
A toast to new year exertions
Idleness is over-rated, purposeful work is the stuff of happiness
THERE is an entertainment hub in Sengkang that is strikingly devoid of glitz and glamour - just two fields facing each other across a road that leads to the Fernvale housing estate.
Yet every Sunday, except when it pours, the place draws devotees of a good sport - cricketers in elegant, all-white shirt-and-trouser ensembles, soccerites in strong, bright team colours, ultimate frisbee enthusiasts channelling dry fit chic, and slipper-clad families clutching kites with which to catch the evening breeze.
People do not go to the Sengkang hub to sit around and be entertained; they go there to play - to stretch both mind and body in a good workout that is also good fun.
Good play takes effort. It is strenuous, sometimes painful, on a good day exciting and absorbing. It is the opposite of idleness, and in that sense, similar to work.
Recently, a colleague and I were talking over Christmas office party leftovers about whether work was the opposite of fun. She declared it was; I disagreed.
Another colleague joined in and said one of the most fun things she did of late was to talk to older Singaporeans for a story related to death that she was writing.
As it turns out, the dictionary lists as the antonym of work not fun, but idleness. The Oxford English Dictionary, that self-described 'definitive record of the English language', contains a reference to an 1889 book by novelist J. K. Jerome titled The Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Fellow, which reminds us that 'There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to do'.
I suspect many of us have come to equate happiness and the good life with rest and relaxation because our lives are often so busy and packed full of tasks that we feel obliged to get done.
But what would be the point of leisure if we actually had nothing to do? Sitting around doing nothing is boring, mind-numbing and muscle-wasting.
A former colleague once went on a much anticipated two-week break in Phuket to get away from it all and just chill. It turned out to be a real bore after the first few days. He could not wait for the holiday to end. He realised then that he would have to rethink his retirement plans.
Last year, Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew drew mixed reactions when he said Singaporeans should not rush to retire but work for as long as possible. In 2008, he put it more starkly when he said: 'Retirement means death.'
Those who expect to retire at 62 for a life of enjoyment are making the biggest mistake of their lives, he warned. 'If you want to see sunrise tomorrow or sunset, you must have a reason, you must have the stimuli, to keep going,' he said. Mr Lee is clearly a man who has found meaning and purpose in his work.
But this is not a column to harangue Singaporeans to work longer, timed to coincide with the re-employment law that the Government plans to pass early this year - although sceptics may think this lady doth protest too much.
Rather, I am trying to say that we should all focus on what makes us come to life, each in our own way. That is a question worth exploring in this season of New Year's resolutions because to be fully alive is to be happy. And surely happiness is ultimately what we all seek when we make resolutions about living better in the new year than in the old.
American psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihaly has made it his life's work to study the psychology of optimal experience. He has coined a term for those times in our lives when we feel such a deep sense of exhilaration and enjoyment that we think: 'Ah, if only life could always be like this.' It is at those times that a person is in the state of effortless yet highly focused consciousness he calls 'flow'.
His research involved getting thousands of people around the world to monitor and record their experiences during the course of a day using the Experience Sampling Method he developed while at the University of Chicago. He has concluded of 'flow' that 'the best moments usually occur when a person's body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile'.
Here again, we find the opposite of idleness. Human beings are in flow when their skills match the challenges they are presented with. By contrast, if their skills far surpass the challenge, they become bored. If their skills are not up to the challenge, they feel anxious.
He also found that people are more often in flow while at work than at leisure. That is because on the job, they feel skilful and challenged, and therefore more happy, strong, creative and satisfied.
In their free time, people may feel that there is not much to do or that their skills are not being used, and may tend to feel sad, listless, dull and dissatisfied.
Yet many people say they would like to work less and spend more time in leisure. Why this contradiction? Prof Csikszentmihaly thinks that 'when it comes to work, people do not heed the evidence of their senses'.
'They disregard the quality of immediate experience and base their motivation instead on the strongly rooted cultural stereotype of what work is supposed to be like. They think of it as an imposition, a constraint, an infringement of their freedom, and therefore something to be avoided as much as possible,' he wrote in one of his books.
Perhaps the same holds for our concept of play as well, with the prevailing perception being that the less effort expended, the better one's leisure time. That may well explain why millions of people around the world seem to prefer watching rather than playing sport.
If our belief is that happiness lies in doing less rather than more, in resting within our comfort zones rather than stretching ourselves to meet new challenges, are we short-changing ourselves by closing off potentially exhilarating experiences that come from total immersion in a difficult activity of our choosing?
I suspect so, and hence I wish you all many happy exertions in the new year.
Happy New Year! :)
Anyway although the past year might seem brief, as usual it didn't go down without any drama. There have been plenty of highs and lows: CP and its sleepless nights, graduation!, Europe (still can't believe I was running around that continent for 3 weeks, but can't wait to go back), and who can forget being shoved head-first into my first job (and subsequent resignation). Nice. But of course, I'm really thankful that in spite of everything, I got through the year relatively smoothly, and all the better for it.
For 2011, my hope is that it will be a chill year. But of course, life will always be full of drama. What I really hope for is that I can let go of the regrets of 2010, and live a purposeful life! I hope to finally find a job I enjoy, and continue the transition into the role of responsible, working adult instead of still wishing I was a student. This also means to be able to better balance work, family, friends and of course time with God. Speaking of which, I also hope this year will be a good time of spiritual refreshment and reflection.
Below is an article in today's Straits Times which I found to be quite meaningful for the new year:
A toast to new year exertions
Idleness is over-rated, purposeful work is the stuff of happiness
THERE is an entertainment hub in Sengkang that is strikingly devoid of glitz and glamour - just two fields facing each other across a road that leads to the Fernvale housing estate.
Yet every Sunday, except when it pours, the place draws devotees of a good sport - cricketers in elegant, all-white shirt-and-trouser ensembles, soccerites in strong, bright team colours, ultimate frisbee enthusiasts channelling dry fit chic, and slipper-clad families clutching kites with which to catch the evening breeze.
People do not go to the Sengkang hub to sit around and be entertained; they go there to play - to stretch both mind and body in a good workout that is also good fun.
Good play takes effort. It is strenuous, sometimes painful, on a good day exciting and absorbing. It is the opposite of idleness, and in that sense, similar to work.
Recently, a colleague and I were talking over Christmas office party leftovers about whether work was the opposite of fun. She declared it was; I disagreed.
Another colleague joined in and said one of the most fun things she did of late was to talk to older Singaporeans for a story related to death that she was writing.
As it turns out, the dictionary lists as the antonym of work not fun, but idleness. The Oxford English Dictionary, that self-described 'definitive record of the English language', contains a reference to an 1889 book by novelist J. K. Jerome titled The Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Fellow, which reminds us that 'There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to do'.
I suspect many of us have come to equate happiness and the good life with rest and relaxation because our lives are often so busy and packed full of tasks that we feel obliged to get done.
But what would be the point of leisure if we actually had nothing to do? Sitting around doing nothing is boring, mind-numbing and muscle-wasting.
A former colleague once went on a much anticipated two-week break in Phuket to get away from it all and just chill. It turned out to be a real bore after the first few days. He could not wait for the holiday to end. He realised then that he would have to rethink his retirement plans.
Last year, Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew drew mixed reactions when he said Singaporeans should not rush to retire but work for as long as possible. In 2008, he put it more starkly when he said: 'Retirement means death.'
Those who expect to retire at 62 for a life of enjoyment are making the biggest mistake of their lives, he warned. 'If you want to see sunrise tomorrow or sunset, you must have a reason, you must have the stimuli, to keep going,' he said. Mr Lee is clearly a man who has found meaning and purpose in his work.
But this is not a column to harangue Singaporeans to work longer, timed to coincide with the re-employment law that the Government plans to pass early this year - although sceptics may think this lady doth protest too much.
Rather, I am trying to say that we should all focus on what makes us come to life, each in our own way. That is a question worth exploring in this season of New Year's resolutions because to be fully alive is to be happy. And surely happiness is ultimately what we all seek when we make resolutions about living better in the new year than in the old.
American psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihaly has made it his life's work to study the psychology of optimal experience. He has coined a term for those times in our lives when we feel such a deep sense of exhilaration and enjoyment that we think: 'Ah, if only life could always be like this.' It is at those times that a person is in the state of effortless yet highly focused consciousness he calls 'flow'.
His research involved getting thousands of people around the world to monitor and record their experiences during the course of a day using the Experience Sampling Method he developed while at the University of Chicago. He has concluded of 'flow' that 'the best moments usually occur when a person's body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile'.
Here again, we find the opposite of idleness. Human beings are in flow when their skills match the challenges they are presented with. By contrast, if their skills far surpass the challenge, they become bored. If their skills are not up to the challenge, they feel anxious.
He also found that people are more often in flow while at work than at leisure. That is because on the job, they feel skilful and challenged, and therefore more happy, strong, creative and satisfied.
In their free time, people may feel that there is not much to do or that their skills are not being used, and may tend to feel sad, listless, dull and dissatisfied.
Yet many people say they would like to work less and spend more time in leisure. Why this contradiction? Prof Csikszentmihaly thinks that 'when it comes to work, people do not heed the evidence of their senses'.
'They disregard the quality of immediate experience and base their motivation instead on the strongly rooted cultural stereotype of what work is supposed to be like. They think of it as an imposition, a constraint, an infringement of their freedom, and therefore something to be avoided as much as possible,' he wrote in one of his books.
Perhaps the same holds for our concept of play as well, with the prevailing perception being that the less effort expended, the better one's leisure time. That may well explain why millions of people around the world seem to prefer watching rather than playing sport.
If our belief is that happiness lies in doing less rather than more, in resting within our comfort zones rather than stretching ourselves to meet new challenges, are we short-changing ourselves by closing off potentially exhilarating experiences that come from total immersion in a difficult activity of our choosing?
I suspect so, and hence I wish you all many happy exertions in the new year.
Happy New Year! :)
Saturday, November 27, 2010
spineless
I'm sorry to say that I'm a spineless thing who sold her soul for a little extra cash. Again.
In exchange, I'm giving up my freedom and getting another 2 months' worth of drama, 6.45am mornings, and long train rides.
Oh well.
I wanted to stay home
but I went running running running running from the troubles
In exchange, I'm giving up my freedom and getting another 2 months' worth of drama, 6.45am mornings, and long train rides.
Oh well.
I wanted to stay home
but I went running running running running from the troubles
Sunday, November 7, 2010
The job search has been a long and laborious process. Or rather, I've been making it long cuz of my procrastination. Especially now that my last day has been postponed to December. The good thing is that I can earn some money while (slowly) looking for another job, but the bad thing obviously is that I'm still at the office.
My work environment calls for an extremely delicate process of maintaining appearances, especially in front of the boss, and sometimes in front of colleagues. The brain-mouth filter also has to be constantly on alert, for fear that someone will misinterpret what you're saying or worse, will pass it along the grapevine. I seriously hope not all offices are like that. It's extremely tiring. To grin and bear it when your boss insults you, or to refrain from bitching about others.
On the one hand I want to be part of the group, but on the other hand I have to stay detached and objective. Well ok, my colleagues have been really nice and we get along fine. But I can't help but feel that it's dependent on what I say/do. Argh. And especially as a Christian, sometimes it's hard to balance what the world demands with behaving in a way that is befitting of your godly calling.
I think out of the 7 days of the week I only like Fridays and Saturdays cuz they don't precede work days. Yucks.
I'm so tired I don't know what I'm saying.
And if you fall hard, I fall harder
If you're gonna break, just let it break
I'll pick up the pieces and mistakes
My work environment calls for an extremely delicate process of maintaining appearances, especially in front of the boss, and sometimes in front of colleagues. The brain-mouth filter also has to be constantly on alert, for fear that someone will misinterpret what you're saying or worse, will pass it along the grapevine. I seriously hope not all offices are like that. It's extremely tiring. To grin and bear it when your boss insults you, or to refrain from bitching about others.
On the one hand I want to be part of the group, but on the other hand I have to stay detached and objective. Well ok, my colleagues have been really nice and we get along fine. But I can't help but feel that it's dependent on what I say/do. Argh. And especially as a Christian, sometimes it's hard to balance what the world demands with behaving in a way that is befitting of your godly calling.
I think out of the 7 days of the week I only like Fridays and Saturdays cuz they don't precede work days. Yucks.
I'm so tired I don't know what I'm saying.
And if you fall hard, I fall harder
If you're gonna break, just let it break
I'll pick up the pieces and mistakes
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
No I know I took for granted that things
Would always go the way I wanted oh
I was going to be a treetop
A sea, a boat, a rock of ages
I don't always get it right
I'd see it in a different kind of light
Pay my lip service
Keep it eloquent
Optimistic but
Never quite elegant
Still a weirdo
Still a weirdo, after all these years
I'd always thought it's automatic
to grow into a soul less static
But here I am upon the same spot
Attempting to lift off into space
I don't always get it right
But a thousand different ways
And I just might
Pay my lip service
Keep it eloquent
Optimistic but
Never quite elegant
Still a weirdo
Still a weirdo, after all these years
Sunday, September 26, 2010
backed into the corner
So I've quit my job.
It's a shocking decision even to myself. I never thought I'd be such a neh neh and quit after only 1 month. I can give so many reasons: I don't enjoy my job scope, the products are boring, unhealthy environment etc. But I guess only 1 reason is the most important: I'm not happy. Like my colleague said, "Once you feel like you're dragging your sorry ass to work everyday, then it's time to leave."
Except for me, I only needed 1 month to reach that stage. Sure, I can continue and stick it out longer and "give myself a chance" (like what my boss said), but what's the point? Of course I thought about the long-term benefits (good stepping stone, learning experience etc.) but I can't see myself continuing here for even a year cuz I only see my misery being prolonged. Even the pay has stopped being a motivating factor.
And of course, I've given this a lot of thought cuz there are severe consequences. Like, "What if I'm closing an important door on myself? What if this will ruin my resume? What if my next job is just as bad? Am I just being a quitter?" I have all these fantasies about what I'd rather be doing, for instance living/working in another country even if it's a menial job, running my own cafe where I don't have to answer to other people, travelling in Europe again etc.
But honestly, I have no idea what I'm looking for. I only know I'm not happy and this job is slowly depleting me. I'm just glad that I have the luxury to quit cuz I don't have a family to support. I'm also really thankful that I have supportive parents. So now, I'm seriously considering the path I want to pursue and thinking about my strengths and weaknesses, and really thinking about which job will fit me the best.
Anyway I've been really torn between staying (and being miserable), or quitting (and risk not being able to find another job). I've been praying really hard, asking God to show me where it is He wants me to go, to illumine and clarify my thoughts. So far, I'm still waiting for His prompting. I don't know if it's because I've been so busy and frustrated with things that I haven't focused on my relationship with God so I can't hear Him, or because He really is keeping silent for a reason. But a friend told me this:
"Sometimes God just sort of lets us choose. One choice isn't right or wrong over another. Either way you choose, he will work in it. God just kind of steps back, and while he is still very much involved in our lives, and while i do believe he knows all that will happen, I dont believe he's robotically instituting it, and I dont think that he necessarily is handplaying everything you know. Some things, a lot of things, he just sort of... lets play out. The point is just, sometimes, the choice is up to us and do we seek him? of course! But often he seems... silent. You know? Perhaps about your job for instance. Do you quit? Do you not quit? there doesnt seem to have been a clear answer from God. So you pursue what you feel you want to do. and pray that if it's not what you're supposed to do, that he'll make it clear. And for you, he hasn't shut that door. so you pursue quitting. and you pursue finding something that you'll like better. and pray that his will be done and that his hand is in what happens... that he opens the right doors for you."
It's true. Making the decision to quit gave me such a huge sense of peace and relief. It's like previously I was miserable cuz I didn't believe quitting was an option. Maybe I'll come to regret this next time, but for now, I just have to trust that whichever direction I go, God's hand is in it like it has been all along. Many times in my life, He has turned something good out of the bad and I believe that this won't be an exception. I just have to go on putting my faith in Him and trusting that He is in control of everything. And of course, to do my best to serve Him wherever I am. The same friend said this:
"We've screwed up the word success. Success is simply doing your best with where God has put you, and doing the best with the doors that he opens to you regardless of where that is. If he places me to be a janitor. well, so be it. as long as i'm doing my best to glorify him in it, then awesome! And the other thing is i always pray that god will open the right doors and close the wrong ones and one thing i've found, is that where God is, there is peace. so when i have consistent unpeace, that is when i begin to question if perhaps it's not a door that he's closing. I dont know. i could be totally wrong in all of that. but i know that for me, i always pray that way. that his will will be done. that he will open the right doors, close the wrong ones. and though i am often unsure, it always seems that he guides me where i am at peace about being. and the wrong doors do close and the right ones do open."
I really thank God for placing friends like these in my life, especially times when I need them the most. Right now I think I really need to go back to God, refocus my thoughts, and really pray for wisdom and the courage to go where He wants me to go. I guess the only way to know His thoughts in me is to build a lasting and strong relationship with Him.
(I still have 1 month's notice to serve urgh. Right now I'm just counting down the days. Can't wait!)
Backed into the corner
You're by yourself now
But from here where you're standing
You can see it all now
It's a shocking decision even to myself. I never thought I'd be such a neh neh and quit after only 1 month. I can give so many reasons: I don't enjoy my job scope, the products are boring, unhealthy environment etc. But I guess only 1 reason is the most important: I'm not happy. Like my colleague said, "Once you feel like you're dragging your sorry ass to work everyday, then it's time to leave."
Except for me, I only needed 1 month to reach that stage. Sure, I can continue and stick it out longer and "give myself a chance" (like what my boss said), but what's the point? Of course I thought about the long-term benefits (good stepping stone, learning experience etc.) but I can't see myself continuing here for even a year cuz I only see my misery being prolonged. Even the pay has stopped being a motivating factor.
And of course, I've given this a lot of thought cuz there are severe consequences. Like, "What if I'm closing an important door on myself? What if this will ruin my resume? What if my next job is just as bad? Am I just being a quitter?" I have all these fantasies about what I'd rather be doing, for instance living/working in another country even if it's a menial job, running my own cafe where I don't have to answer to other people, travelling in Europe again etc.
But honestly, I have no idea what I'm looking for. I only know I'm not happy and this job is slowly depleting me. I'm just glad that I have the luxury to quit cuz I don't have a family to support. I'm also really thankful that I have supportive parents. So now, I'm seriously considering the path I want to pursue and thinking about my strengths and weaknesses, and really thinking about which job will fit me the best.
Anyway I've been really torn between staying (and being miserable), or quitting (and risk not being able to find another job). I've been praying really hard, asking God to show me where it is He wants me to go, to illumine and clarify my thoughts. So far, I'm still waiting for His prompting. I don't know if it's because I've been so busy and frustrated with things that I haven't focused on my relationship with God so I can't hear Him, or because He really is keeping silent for a reason. But a friend told me this:
"Sometimes God just sort of lets us choose. One choice isn't right or wrong over another. Either way you choose, he will work in it. God just kind of steps back, and while he is still very much involved in our lives, and while i do believe he knows all that will happen, I dont believe he's robotically instituting it, and I dont think that he necessarily is handplaying everything you know. Some things, a lot of things, he just sort of... lets play out. The point is just, sometimes, the choice is up to us and do we seek him? of course! But often he seems... silent. You know? Perhaps about your job for instance. Do you quit? Do you not quit? there doesnt seem to have been a clear answer from God. So you pursue what you feel you want to do. and pray that if it's not what you're supposed to do, that he'll make it clear. And for you, he hasn't shut that door. so you pursue quitting. and you pursue finding something that you'll like better. and pray that his will be done and that his hand is in what happens... that he opens the right doors for you."
It's true. Making the decision to quit gave me such a huge sense of peace and relief. It's like previously I was miserable cuz I didn't believe quitting was an option. Maybe I'll come to regret this next time, but for now, I just have to trust that whichever direction I go, God's hand is in it like it has been all along. Many times in my life, He has turned something good out of the bad and I believe that this won't be an exception. I just have to go on putting my faith in Him and trusting that He is in control of everything. And of course, to do my best to serve Him wherever I am. The same friend said this:
"We've screwed up the word success. Success is simply doing your best with where God has put you, and doing the best with the doors that he opens to you regardless of where that is. If he places me to be a janitor. well, so be it. as long as i'm doing my best to glorify him in it, then awesome! And the other thing is i always pray that god will open the right doors and close the wrong ones and one thing i've found, is that where God is, there is peace. so when i have consistent unpeace, that is when i begin to question if perhaps it's not a door that he's closing. I dont know. i could be totally wrong in all of that. but i know that for me, i always pray that way. that his will will be done. that he will open the right doors, close the wrong ones. and though i am often unsure, it always seems that he guides me where i am at peace about being. and the wrong doors do close and the right ones do open."
I really thank God for placing friends like these in my life, especially times when I need them the most. Right now I think I really need to go back to God, refocus my thoughts, and really pray for wisdom and the courage to go where He wants me to go. I guess the only way to know His thoughts in me is to build a lasting and strong relationship with Him.
(I still have 1 month's notice to serve urgh. Right now I'm just counting down the days. Can't wait!)
Backed into the corner
You're by yourself now
But from here where you're standing
You can see it all now
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