I'm in an extremely bad mood right now, and I need to vent before I burst from all the pent-up frustration. I think I've already gone past the threshold of stress. Right now, I'm seriously just FED UP with school. With bloody Entrep and the stupid simulation that we spend an average of 4 hours on weekly (that's at least 24 hours in total this sem), all for just a measly 10% of our grade. And for all our hard work, we don't seem to be performing well. There's also the stupid case analysis, which is so freaking confusing. In addition, I still have to do the dumb Drugs and Society poster. And prepare for all the presentations/reports coming up. Not to mention apply for internships, which is an extremely demoralising process. $*(#*$&&*&#^$*&#&#$*&!!!
Sometimes I really question what I'm studying so hard for. Ok maybe cuz my most important role in life right now is to be a student, therefore obviously I should do my best to excel. At first, it gives me some purpose, and maybe some accomplishment when I do well. But after a while, it just gets exhausting. You start wishing there was a deeper level of meaning behind the endless mugging. Like I said before, mugging probably gets you a nice job. But after that, the cycle repeats itself when you strive for the next promotion. So stupid right.
Anyway, sometimes I think I draw too clear a line between my secular and christian life. Is there even supposed to be a line anyway? I know I'm supposed to apply my Christian beliefs and morals into every aspect of my life, but it's hard when you don't wanna feel left out and look like a suaku, especially when the "worldly" way makes more sense. Like when we had a class discussion about whether you, as a manager, should engage in bribery to carry out business overseas, cuz that's the norm in that particular country and bribery makes everything more efficient and effective. The business side of me approves, but my conscience really couldn't take it. So we were arguing about whether morality should play a part in business, and like almost 3/4 of the class says it shouldn't. I disagreed, but I really couldn't think of any concrete points to support my stand, apart from "it just isn't humane or fair". Anyway the conclusion was to do whatever you think you should do, ie. if you don't wanna bribe, then just don't work in that country or quit your company. Which wasn't really a conclusion. Urgh, I shudder to think of all the similar debates and moral dilemmas awaiting me when I graduate.
Anyway what I'm trying to say, is that being in this world, but not of this world is super hard. It's so easy to just go with what the world says, and ignore your religious obligations. And it's quite dangerous cuz if I set aside my beliefs often enough, I won't have much conviction (or even a conscience) left. And I don't wanna be a "Sunday Christian", whose holiness is just long enough to last through church service once a week. But I'm grateful for what a dear friend once said to me, "Before you do all these worldly things, ask yourself if it'll glorify God. If it doesn't, then what for you wanna go ahead and do it? It won't achieve anything."
On a more positive note, contrary to my usual grumbling about long bus rides to/from school, I think sometimes I really enjoy them haha. Although a trip takes an hour, it's actually very scenic. It's like taking a tour bus sometimes haha. When I go to school, there's the Esplanade and Merlion on the left. And the view of Marina Bay at 8am is really superb. I can't wait for the IR to be finished, cuz then the waterfront will look even prettier. And when I'm going home, there's the view of City Hall, the War Memorial, and the tall Swissotel towers. The best time is in the evening, when you get to see the sun setting between the skyscrapers. Nice. I wish I could take pictures but my phone is really laggy (by the time the camera starts, the bus would've already went by), and I don't wanna risk looking like a tourist haha. If you still don't know where I'm talking about, it's the part from Suntec to the Esplanade Bridge.
I wonder why I've never really noticed all these things before, despite taking bus no. 10 almost everyday for the past 3 years. Probably cuz it's only recently that my days begin earlier and end later haha. How sad. Nevertheless, all the nice scenery help to make my day a little bit brighter :)
But all that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
If I study with a friend, or have a project meeting(s) with friends, does that count as having a social life?
Anyway today's cell group was pretty insightful. I've learnt that for some things, there just isn't any right or wrong answer. Only the consequences are certain. And who am I to decide what happens in others' lives? Right now, the only thing I can do is be patient, and wait. And also learn to forgive. I think having humility is one of the hardest things for me, and that goes along with the art of forgiveness. Recent incidents in my life have pretty much hammered that home. I guess I still need to work (and pray) harder at it.
On a another note, here's a brief summary of our meeting yesterday. And another reason why I'm so grateful for being in the same group as my kakis :D Taken from Juli's blog:
"I feel blessed that I took this module together with pac, ks n ade. Since this is such an energy- and time-consuming project, communication is vital and thus a breeze for us coz we surpass those necessary and irritaiting getting-to-know-each-other formalities. Cut out the crappy stuff and get down to work!
Actually no, we crap A LOT. Projects suck. But doing with people who inject such fun and amusement into your life makes it a whole lot easier to pull through. Today’s discussion was erm… horny-ful. Hahaha… We were thinking of a name for a new brand that starts with the letter ‘V’. And one that sounds nice with ‘Rave’, which is our company name.
Initially we just rattled off V-words and got nowhere so we started googling and came up with: Rave Victorian, Rave Valet, Rave Velocity, Rave Vertical, etc. All didn’t seem nice enough.
Then Rave Virgin came to mind, and then Rave Viagra. Hahaha… some of the components of our advertisement for the microcomputers was to ‘Tackle really big problems’ and ‘Do a wide variety of tasks’. And we squealed in laughter thinking how apt Rave Viagra was for these 2 claims. Super funny la!!! And there was ‘local service’ as well, which was met with an outburst of laughter. And ‘picture people in travel setting’. Just imagine: “Rave Viagra: Anywhere, Anytime”. Wahahaha!!! And dunno why ade mentioned ‘vagina’ somewhere. Omg.
By ‘we’, I mean ks, ade and me. Qy was trying very hard to look engrossed with his laptop and counting the number of dust specks on his screen. In the end we settled with a more civilised and elegant name – Rave Valiant. Damn chio-sounding."
We're the heirs to the glimmering world
Anyway today's cell group was pretty insightful. I've learnt that for some things, there just isn't any right or wrong answer. Only the consequences are certain. And who am I to decide what happens in others' lives? Right now, the only thing I can do is be patient, and wait. And also learn to forgive. I think having humility is one of the hardest things for me, and that goes along with the art of forgiveness. Recent incidents in my life have pretty much hammered that home. I guess I still need to work (and pray) harder at it.
On a another note, here's a brief summary of our meeting yesterday. And another reason why I'm so grateful for being in the same group as my kakis :D Taken from Juli's blog:
"I feel blessed that I took this module together with pac, ks n ade. Since this is such an energy- and time-consuming project, communication is vital and thus a breeze for us coz we surpass those necessary and irritaiting getting-to-know-each-other formalities. Cut out the crappy stuff and get down to work!
Actually no, we crap A LOT. Projects suck. But doing with people who inject such fun and amusement into your life makes it a whole lot easier to pull through. Today’s discussion was erm… horny-ful. Hahaha… We were thinking of a name for a new brand that starts with the letter ‘V’. And one that sounds nice with ‘Rave’, which is our company name.
Initially we just rattled off V-words and got nowhere so we started googling and came up with: Rave Victorian, Rave Valet, Rave Velocity, Rave Vertical, etc. All didn’t seem nice enough.
Then Rave Virgin came to mind, and then Rave Viagra. Hahaha… some of the components of our advertisement for the microcomputers was to ‘Tackle really big problems’ and ‘Do a wide variety of tasks’. And we squealed in laughter thinking how apt Rave Viagra was for these 2 claims. Super funny la!!! And there was ‘local service’ as well, which was met with an outburst of laughter. And ‘picture people in travel setting’. Just imagine: “Rave Viagra: Anywhere, Anytime”. Wahahaha!!! And dunno why ade mentioned ‘vagina’ somewhere. Omg.
By ‘we’, I mean ks, ade and me. Qy was trying very hard to look engrossed with his laptop and counting the number of dust specks on his screen. In the end we settled with a more civilised and elegant name – Rave Valiant. Damn chio-sounding."
We're the heirs to the glimmering world
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
get to it, slacker
For some reason, I can't sit myself down and get started on the pile of reports that are due very soon.
I think I tend to wander off whenever I have to do something that I don't know how to do. I keep putting it off until I start to panic, and that's when I'm most productive haha.
Anyway, on a good note, our Entrep presentation was better than expected :D I think the game we played at the beginning really helped to lighten the mood, though content-wise, we did get a few points wrong, or completely missed them out. Or maybe Boyle was in a good mood that day haha. But I don't think we should celebrate yet. Our simulation is still quite screwed up, argh. So there really isn't that much to be happy about. I hope we'd be able to at least earn some profits next quarter. Sometimes though I think it's ok for us to be happy about small achievements, I feel bad that we're celebrating, while other groups that did wayy better are not. So we really need to get our act together and work harder at it.
Oh and I finally finished "Twilight"! Ok la, the last part was more exciting (and maybe cuz I skipped all the lovey-dovey bits) haha. But I still think it's incredibly sexist. Is the girl that weak, that she needs a guy in order to live?? And what's with all the angst? If you like each other that much, then just shut up and get on with it la. Tsk. Ok I shall stop before I offend those that love the book haha.
Sigh ok. I gotta get back to doing a Porter's 5 Forces analysis on the Indian slimming market. Weird, but true. And no, I'm not being racist haha.
We are always running for the thrill of it, thrill of it
Always pushing up the hill searching for the thrill of it
I think I tend to wander off whenever I have to do something that I don't know how to do. I keep putting it off until I start to panic, and that's when I'm most productive haha.
Anyway, on a good note, our Entrep presentation was better than expected :D I think the game we played at the beginning really helped to lighten the mood, though content-wise, we did get a few points wrong, or completely missed them out. Or maybe Boyle was in a good mood that day haha. But I don't think we should celebrate yet. Our simulation is still quite screwed up, argh. So there really isn't that much to be happy about. I hope we'd be able to at least earn some profits next quarter. Sometimes though I think it's ok for us to be happy about small achievements, I feel bad that we're celebrating, while other groups that did wayy better are not. So we really need to get our act together and work harder at it.
Oh and I finally finished "Twilight"! Ok la, the last part was more exciting (and maybe cuz I skipped all the lovey-dovey bits) haha. But I still think it's incredibly sexist. Is the girl that weak, that she needs a guy in order to live?? And what's with all the angst? If you like each other that much, then just shut up and get on with it la. Tsk. Ok I shall stop before I offend those that love the book haha.
Sigh ok. I gotta get back to doing a Porter's 5 Forces analysis on the Indian slimming market. Weird, but true. And no, I'm not being racist haha.
We are always running for the thrill of it, thrill of it
Always pushing up the hill searching for the thrill of it
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
random ramblings
1. Once again: projects, urgh
2. I love Entrepreneurship, and Entrepreneurship loves me!
3. I've had Entrep meetings EVERYDAY since Sunday this past week. Wheee!
4. I'm glad my project groups this sem are fun :) This makes project meetings so much more bearable, especially when I have marathon back-to-back meetings. For example when we listen to weird sms voicemails ("我的马来语是一流的!" and "阿南西教" wahaha!!), or make racist jokes that I can't repeat here.
5. Playing "Guess-the-Sketch" on Facebook during Prod and Brand lesson makes time go by much faster. Though it's hard to stop yourself from bursting out in laughter when other players mistake a toilet bowl for a sofa.
6. I think I'm only upset cuz I'm not used to the sudden flood of work I have to do. Especially since I've been wandering around lala-land for the past month or so.
7. Other than that, I can take it!
8. I'm finally going to watch Rachael Yamagata in concert!! :D:D Yayness!
9. The only bad thing is, I've been spending wayyy too much on concerts :S But I'm sure this one is worth it!
10. Just played this online game called Hotel 626. Super freaky and super retarded. Basically it's this viral marketing campaign by Doritos (although I really don't see the relation), where you're stuck in this spooky hotel and have to do tasks to go to the next level and ultimately escape from the place. The things you have to do are downright freaky la!! Like there's this one where you have to take a picture of a ghost, and another one where you have to sing a lullaby to one. And those things have the tendency to pop out of nowhere and make you pee in your pants!! SIAO LIAO. Haha at least I was playing with Jamie so it wasn't so bad. And we finished the stupid game! Albeit after lotsa screaming and running away from the screen. My bro tried and gave up at level 3 ("I don't dare!!").
So hold me down now, hold me down
A bit of disappointment
And I was restless, I was restless
Friday, March 6, 2009
Hallelujah it's Friday! What an awful week. My life practically revolved around nothing but school. I mean ok, I've been through much worse, but it's the kind of week where you not only have tests and all, but it also seems like the whole world is against you.
For one, I got scolded by Boyle AGAIN. Shit, that woman just doesn't like me does she? It's just my luck to always get caught talking whenever she looks in my direction rawr. Then my Product and Brand test totally sucked. I mean ok, I did relatively average, but I expected better. And yesterday, I screwed up my Drugs and Soc test cuz I happily neglected to study this reading which I thought wasn't important (partly cuz I didn't watch the webcast where the lecturer emphasized its importance sigh), and AN ENTIRE QUESTION on it came out. That's like 25% of the test!! Freak, I seriously think there won't be any A's this sem.
Well at least I got the car for the entire week :D That helped to somewhat lessen the pain haha. Cuz at least I don't have to spend time rotting away on the bus, as is usually the case for the other 51 weeks of the year (How many weeks does a year have anyway? 52 right?). Plus I had to go to school everyday (and only 1 hour yesterday for the darn test). But it's not like I went anywhere else between home and school. There was too much mugging to do.
But it's not over yet. There are plenty of project deadlines and assignments coming up! I guess the only time I'll be able to get some respite is in May haha.
Oh no, my "Complain Queen" side is coming out again.
She was waiting at the station
He was getting off the train
He didn't have a ticket so he had to bum through the barriers again.
Well the ticket inspector saw him rushing through
He said, "Girl you don't know how much I missed you but
We'd better run cos' I haven't got the funds to pay this fine."
She said, "Fine."
Well so they ran out of the station and jumped onto a bus
With two of yesterday's travel cards and two bottles of Bud,
And he said, "You look well nice."
Well she was wearing a skirt
And he thought she looked nice
And yeah, she didn't really care about anything else
Because she only wanted him to think that she looked nice,
And he did.
But he was looking at her, yeah all funny in the eye.
She said, "Come on boy tell me what you're thinking,
Now don't be shy."
He said, "Alright, I'll try.
All the stars up in the sky and the leaves in the trees,
All the broken bits that make you jump up and grassy bits in between.
All the matter in the world is how much I like you."
She said, "What?"
He said, "Let me try and explain again.
"Right, birds can fly so high, and they can shit on your head,
Yeah they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel so scared.
But when you look at them, and you see that they're beautiful,
That's how I feel about you.
Right birds can fly so high and they can shit on your head,
Yeah they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel well scared.
But when you look at them, and you see that they're beautiful,
That's how I feel about you.
Yeah that's how I feel about you."
She said, "What?"
He said, "You."
She said, "What are you talking about?"
He said, "You.
"Right birds can fly so high and they can shit on your head
Yeah they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel so scared.
But when you look at them, and you see that they're beautiful,
That's how I feel about you.
Right birds can fly so high and they can shit on your head,
Yeah they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel well scared.
But when you look at them, and you see that they're beautiful,
That's how I feel about you.
Right, that's how I feel about you.
She said, "Thanks, I like you too."
He said, "Cool."
- Kate Nash, "Birds"
For one, I got scolded by Boyle AGAIN. Shit, that woman just doesn't like me does she? It's just my luck to always get caught talking whenever she looks in my direction rawr. Then my Product and Brand test totally sucked. I mean ok, I did relatively average, but I expected better. And yesterday, I screwed up my Drugs and Soc test cuz I happily neglected to study this reading which I thought wasn't important (partly cuz I didn't watch the webcast where the lecturer emphasized its importance sigh), and AN ENTIRE QUESTION on it came out. That's like 25% of the test!! Freak, I seriously think there won't be any A's this sem.
Well at least I got the car for the entire week :D That helped to somewhat lessen the pain haha. Cuz at least I don't have to spend time rotting away on the bus, as is usually the case for the other 51 weeks of the year (How many weeks does a year have anyway? 52 right?). Plus I had to go to school everyday (and only 1 hour yesterday for the darn test). But it's not like I went anywhere else between home and school. There was too much mugging to do.
But it's not over yet. There are plenty of project deadlines and assignments coming up! I guess the only time I'll be able to get some respite is in May haha.
Oh no, my "Complain Queen" side is coming out again.
She was waiting at the station
He was getting off the train
He didn't have a ticket so he had to bum through the barriers again.
Well the ticket inspector saw him rushing through
He said, "Girl you don't know how much I missed you but
We'd better run cos' I haven't got the funds to pay this fine."
She said, "Fine."
Well so they ran out of the station and jumped onto a bus
With two of yesterday's travel cards and two bottles of Bud,
And he said, "You look well nice."
Well she was wearing a skirt
And he thought she looked nice
And yeah, she didn't really care about anything else
Because she only wanted him to think that she looked nice,
And he did.
But he was looking at her, yeah all funny in the eye.
She said, "Come on boy tell me what you're thinking,
Now don't be shy."
He said, "Alright, I'll try.
All the stars up in the sky and the leaves in the trees,
All the broken bits that make you jump up and grassy bits in between.
All the matter in the world is how much I like you."
She said, "What?"
He said, "Let me try and explain again.
"Right, birds can fly so high, and they can shit on your head,
Yeah they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel so scared.
But when you look at them, and you see that they're beautiful,
That's how I feel about you.
Right birds can fly so high and they can shit on your head,
Yeah they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel well scared.
But when you look at them, and you see that they're beautiful,
That's how I feel about you.
Yeah that's how I feel about you."
She said, "What?"
He said, "You."
She said, "What are you talking about?"
He said, "You.
"Right birds can fly so high and they can shit on your head
Yeah they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel so scared.
But when you look at them, and you see that they're beautiful,
That's how I feel about you.
Right birds can fly so high and they can shit on your head,
Yeah they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel well scared.
But when you look at them, and you see that they're beautiful,
That's how I feel about you.
Right, that's how I feel about you.
She said, "Thanks, I like you too."
He said, "Cool."
- Kate Nash, "Birds"
Sunday, March 1, 2009
sink or swim
Please ignore the previous post. I didn't mean to sound emo, cuz I really wasn't upset or anything. Just pissed. But I'm ok now. Sometimes it's good to talk to people and see things from their perspectives. I realize where I've gone wrong, and where I could've done something better that is more befitting of my faith.
Anyway someone please tell me why I'm more tired during term break than during a regular school week. It's just wrong. I think NUS profs have a flawed understanding of the word "break". They just have to squeeze allll the midterm quizzes and project deadlines into a single week! I've literally sold my soul to projects. After 6 semesters, I still can't say I ever really enjoyed any of my midterm breaks (except the one during exchange: New York!). It's really sad. Mugging is depressing and anti-social.
But I must be positive. I WILL SURVIVE. Like Nina says, "This pain is temporary, but my cert lasts forever." Hahaha. Actually studying is really quite pointless, cuz your cert only gets you to your first job. After that you might as well just burn it. It's like how no one really cares about your A level results anymore as long as you're studying at a decent uni.
Ok well the past week really wasn't that bad, cuz at least I managed to watch a movie and bake muffins. Speaking of which, I think it's highly recommended to have an experienced baker with you when you're trying out a recipe for the first time. The muffins were really the result of two noobs who seldom step into the kitchen haha. Thank goodness they're still edible :) But I'm determined to bake again until I get round and puffy muffins that don't look like giant cupcakes.
Ok I gotta get back to my report. Sigh.
I think will we sink or swim?
'Cause we could do either on a whim
Anyway someone please tell me why I'm more tired during term break than during a regular school week. It's just wrong. I think NUS profs have a flawed understanding of the word "break". They just have to squeeze allll the midterm quizzes and project deadlines into a single week! I've literally sold my soul to projects. After 6 semesters, I still can't say I ever really enjoyed any of my midterm breaks (except the one during exchange: New York!). It's really sad. Mugging is depressing and anti-social.
But I must be positive. I WILL SURVIVE. Like Nina says, "This pain is temporary, but my cert lasts forever." Hahaha. Actually studying is really quite pointless, cuz your cert only gets you to your first job. After that you might as well just burn it. It's like how no one really cares about your A level results anymore as long as you're studying at a decent uni.
Ok well the past week really wasn't that bad, cuz at least I managed to watch a movie and bake muffins. Speaking of which, I think it's highly recommended to have an experienced baker with you when you're trying out a recipe for the first time. The muffins were really the result of two noobs who seldom step into the kitchen haha. Thank goodness they're still edible :) But I'm determined to bake again until I get round and puffy muffins that don't look like giant cupcakes.
Ok I gotta get back to my report. Sigh.
I think will we sink or swim?
'Cause we could do either on a whim
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