It's not me to blog everyday. But I need to put my thoughts somewhere, if not I'd explode. These past few days (and probably the days to come) have been trying. My emotions have been swinging from end to end. I guess it's all my own doing. It has got me thinking too.
Like how do you judge who your true friends are? I've always believed in not investing too much of my emotions into one person, and not showing them too much of myself. Especially if I don't really know them that well. Cuz in the end, when disappointment comes, it'll only hurt that much more. The people you care about the most are usually the ones who are most capable of hurting you. And the thing is, I'm the kind who feels too much of everything. It's like once you give too much of yourself, they have control over you. Like giving them ammo against you. But this time, I guess I've forgotten about all this, and it's come back to bite me.
So right now, I'm trying to detach myself from all this. God help me. I will get through this. Some people just aren't worth that much.
Like what Jamie said, "Then you just don't give too much of yourself, and don't expect too much in return? Since you already know the outcome, try to avoid it lor. Cuz else the outcome is that you'll be sad and hurt ma."
She made me realize that the friends I really need to treasure are those who have been there for the longest time, and who know me inside out. They can put what I'm feeling into words, and tell me things I don't even know about myself. And trust me, these friends are really important to me :) Just that, I've been so pre-occupied with my own problems that I fail to see that they're there. And yeah sometimes, I don't wanna burden them with my seemingly insignificant issues.
I think I just need to be more smart about who to trust wholeheartedly. Like not put all my eggs in one basket too soon. I need more patience to wait and see what people are really like, cuz most of the time, what you see isn't what you get. It's funny how I get more naive and stupid as I get older, instead of learning from my past failures and becoming smarter about everything. I keep thinking things will be different this time, that maybe I was wrong last time, but in the end, it always ends up the same way. Call me cynical, but I really have to remember that.
I guess that's just what life is. You live, and you learn. It may hurt really bad now, but after a while, I'll look back as a much better and stronger person.
