how many times

In a way, I need a change 
From this burnout scene 
Another time, another town 
Another everything 
But it's always back to you 

Stumble out, in the night 
From the pouring rain 
Made the block, sat and thought 
There's more I need 
It's always back to you 

But I'm good without ya 
Yeah, I'm good without you 
Yeah, yeah, yeah 

How many times can I break till I shatter? 
Over the line can't define what I'm after 
I always turn the car around 
Give me a break let me make my own pattern 
All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered 
I always turn the car around 

I had no idea that the night 
Would take so damn long 
Took it out, on the street 
While the rain still falls 
Push me back to you 

But I'm good without ya 
Yeah, I'm good without you 
Yeah, yeah, yeah 

How many times can I break till I shatter? 
Over the line can't define what I'm after 
I always turn the car around 
Give me a break let me make my own pattern 
All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered 
I always turn the car around 

Give it up, give it up, baby 
Give it up, give it up, now 
Now 

How many times can I break till I shatter? 
Over the line can't define what I'm after 
I always turn the car around 
All that I feel is the realness I'm faking 
Taking my time but it's time that I'm wasting 
Always turn the car around 

How many times can I break till I shatter? 
Over the line can't define what I'm after 
I always turn the car around 

Don't wanna turn that car around 
I gotta turn this thing around 

four, three, two, one

Sometimes the harder you push, the harder you get pushed away. 

Sometimes you think you know, but in actual fact, you don't have the slightest idea.

Sometimes you try so hard, but it's all so futile.

Sometimes when you tell yourself it's time to give up, you can't help but cling on in vain hope that something will change.

But in the end, you realize that nothing has changed. 

So then, what do you do?

Four, three, two, one, 
I'm letting you go 
I will let go 

If you will let go 

[ineedYou.]

THIS ISN'T ME.

WHAT'S GOING ON??

STOP THINKING SO MUCH.

ARGH. STUDY, I NEED TO STUDYYYYY.

I never should've gone tonight. It was a big mistake. Now I've gone back to square one.

But this charade is never going to last
So pick the poison and pour yourself a glass

If this was the thing to do.

Just a brief update:

1. NUS's definition of "recess week" is different from the rest of the world's. There's hardly any difference from a typical school week. I still go to school, I still have tons (if not more) of work to do, and I still don't have enough time to go out and have a life. Well ok, at least I don't have to wake up at 7am on Mon.

2. F1 is stupid. Cuz of the closure of all the important roads, I took 2 hours to go to school today! Gee, I never imagined that it was possible to stay in the same vehicle for more than 1 hour when travelling in Singapore. But yeah, there was a super mega jam at Suntec, and the bus was crawling at 1m/min I think. Walking was probably faster. As a result, I was 1 and a half hours late for my project meeting.

3. I am definitely NOT looking forward to school re-opening. It's like the gates of hell opening. When the evil spirits called "presentation", "assignment" (not 1, but 2), and "midterm test" (they come in pairs) come out to play. All in the same week. Joy, oh joy.

4. I am officially addicted to coffee. Ok well, I've always been addicted, just that I've been in a state of denial. But now, I admit my life is being ruled by caffeine. I get a headache if I don't get my daily fix. But the last time I attempted a venti coffee, I almost went into shock ie. uncontrollable trembling, and a heart rate that was threatening to shoot out of the ceiling. It's a love/hate relationship I have with coffee. Can't live without it, can't live with it.

5. In a sense, I'm glad for all these mundane things that are keeping me occupied, cuz it takes my mind away from other matters.

There's a chance
I'll start to wonder
If this was the thing to do

My problem is, I feel too much. I let humans affect me much more than they should. Despite all my past experiences.

But this is who I am, and I can't help it.

I don't know what to feel now.

Should I be happy or sad? I'm caught in the middle.

And I don't know what to do. I guess I just don't know when to let go.

But I know I need to resolve this, and figure it out, before it consumes me. There are other more important things in life that I need to get on with, but I need to be rid of this first.

Tell me all the places we could go.
And count the headlights passing on the road,
A long, long time ago.

the nicest thing

Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something



(no, I'm not pining for anyone)

skip school, start fights

This is exactly what I feel like doing now.

I feel so restless and purpose-less. Ok well, I have school stuff to do. But I'm just so tired of work.

And all my friends are like slowly trickling out of the country, a few at a time. It's super depressing. 2010 is gonna be a sad year. I think I'm probably gonna be the only youth left in church :(

I need to escape too, ie. jump off a cliff. Or go for a long drive, except that I might die along the way haha. I hereby conclude that I'm a bad (and reckless) driver. Either that, or I'm just incredibly lucky after getting into a few narrow scrapes.

Anyway, I wanna run away from school. Yeah, skip school, start fights!

Sigh. I need to go back to my readings.

And I am nothing of a builder
But here I dreamt I was an architect