What makes me sad:
1. Disappointments.
2. When someone doesn't understand me, and frustration turns into sadness.
3. When I feel inferior.
4. Guilt.
5. Loneliness.
6. When I miss someone (no one in particular, in case any of you are wondering). Especially when I miss someone, like when I left Texas in May :(
7. Boredom (speaking of which, I really need a job now. Still looking for one though. Argh!)
When I'm sad I:
1. Read.
2. Listen to music.
3. Crave for company.
4. Eat (trying not to, though)
5. Sleep.
6. Blog.
7. Drink beer. Haha just kidding.
If it's a broken part replace it
If it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Saturday, June 7, 2008
life goes on
I crave the freedom I had in the US. The open-ness. I can be whoever I wanna be and no one will care or look at me any differently. I feel so constrained here. Probably because over here, the expectations people have of me are well set out and I have to meet them. In the US, I make my own expectations. I don't have to answer to anyone except myself. And of course, there's so much more to do over there. The Americans always manage to find something to amuse themselves with haha.
The past 5 months feel like a dream. And like waking up from a dream, I can barely remember most of what happened, just that it was great and I never want it to end. Sigh reality sucks. My time there has also got me thinking about some things. Like the purpose of life, and the pointlessness of having to live life according to what society thinks is the road to being successful. What is being successful anyway?
Then again, there's the matter of placing too much thought into everything. Not that one shouldn't think or ponder, but too much of it becomes stifling I think. Your worldview becomes a warped perception of the truth, when it's something that should be taken at face value in the first place.
Ah, I think I'm becoming too bored at home.
And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around
The past 5 months feel like a dream. And like waking up from a dream, I can barely remember most of what happened, just that it was great and I never want it to end. Sigh reality sucks. My time there has also got me thinking about some things. Like the purpose of life, and the pointlessness of having to live life according to what society thinks is the road to being successful. What is being successful anyway?
Then again, there's the matter of placing too much thought into everything. Not that one shouldn't think or ponder, but too much of it becomes stifling I think. Your worldview becomes a warped perception of the truth, when it's something that should be taken at face value in the first place.
Ah, I think I'm becoming too bored at home.
And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
left and leaving
So I'm finally back in Singapore! In spite of all the things I've said about not wanting to come back, I can't help but feel a sense of relief and happiness when the plane touched down. Even seeing the SIA air stewardesses on board made me feel slightly better cuz it means I'm one step closer to home. And I can honestly say that I was really glad to see my dad waiting for me at the gate in the airport.
It's nice to see that nothing much has changed. To see the same old trees lining the same old highway. Walking through the rooms in my house, and seeing the same old things (or crap) in the same places where I left them 5 months ago. And of course, it was really nice to see my dog again :) He still remembers me!
It was nice meeting up with Shuqi and Huajia today also. Talking to them felt like I never left at all. I'm really looking forward to meeting up with the others also, especially WWF haha. Except that Jamie is in the US, and Janice is still in London pfft.
The jet lag is still killing me, though it wasn't as bad as when I just reached the US. I'm trying my best to adjust back to a more normal sleeping habit. And that means not waking up at 7am haha.
The bad thing about coming back is that I have loads to unpack, and lots of shit to sift through. I also need to find a job. Argh. Plus I need to mentally prepare myself for life back in NUS. Time to mug properly. No more slacking and skipping classes haha. Sad day.
In conclusion, it's nice to be back. My time in the US was an adventure, and I've really learnt alot. I've learnt to rely on myself, and about the importance of the people around you. I've also learnt that everyone is different, yet despite our different backgrounds, we can still click really well together. And that one should always be open to other cultures and opinions, and be willing to move out of their comfort zone. That's almost the best way to learn anything, I guess. Most importantly, I thank the Lord for bringing me this far. For the opportunity to travel this far away from the familiar. For seeing me through every obstacle I ever faced there. And of course, for the wonderful experiences I've had.
But I still miss the US, and the people back there. The problem with a semester-long exchange is that, once you start adjusting and really have fun, it's time for you to leave :( Which sucks. I really miss my roommate, and Lauren, and the French. Chatting with them online doesn't help, especially when my roommate says things like, "what will i do without you. who will i dance with and who will tell me i'm stupid?" And the sadder thing is that, I know that my memories of them will fade with time, and when all of us get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life. But I shall not think so much, and just go with the flow. One day at a time.
All this time lingers, undefined.
Someone choose who's left and who's leaving.
It's nice to see that nothing much has changed. To see the same old trees lining the same old highway. Walking through the rooms in my house, and seeing the same old things (or crap) in the same places where I left them 5 months ago. And of course, it was really nice to see my dog again :) He still remembers me!
It was nice meeting up with Shuqi and Huajia today also. Talking to them felt like I never left at all. I'm really looking forward to meeting up with the others also, especially WWF haha. Except that Jamie is in the US, and Janice is still in London pfft.
The jet lag is still killing me, though it wasn't as bad as when I just reached the US. I'm trying my best to adjust back to a more normal sleeping habit. And that means not waking up at 7am haha.
The bad thing about coming back is that I have loads to unpack, and lots of shit to sift through. I also need to find a job. Argh. Plus I need to mentally prepare myself for life back in NUS. Time to mug properly. No more slacking and skipping classes haha. Sad day.
In conclusion, it's nice to be back. My time in the US was an adventure, and I've really learnt alot. I've learnt to rely on myself, and about the importance of the people around you. I've also learnt that everyone is different, yet despite our different backgrounds, we can still click really well together. And that one should always be open to other cultures and opinions, and be willing to move out of their comfort zone. That's almost the best way to learn anything, I guess. Most importantly, I thank the Lord for bringing me this far. For the opportunity to travel this far away from the familiar. For seeing me through every obstacle I ever faced there. And of course, for the wonderful experiences I've had.
But I still miss the US, and the people back there. The problem with a semester-long exchange is that, once you start adjusting and really have fun, it's time for you to leave :( Which sucks. I really miss my roommate, and Lauren, and the French. Chatting with them online doesn't help, especially when my roommate says things like, "what will i do without you. who will i dance with and who will tell me i'm stupid?" And the sadder thing is that, I know that my memories of them will fade with time, and when all of us get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life. But I shall not think so much, and just go with the flow. One day at a time.
All this time lingers, undefined.
Someone choose who's left and who's leaving.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
where i want to stay
So I'm in Las Vegas now. And it's not called "Sin City" for no reason. I'm amazed by what I see around me. Gambling, sex, and drinking. Everything's done in excess. Even the hotels and casinos are built to excessive extravagance. It's all so fake.
The casinos are always packed, and there are so many of them. And the streets are filled with people carrying yard-long margaritas or beers. The drunk are everywhere. And last night while walking back to our hotel, we even saw an exchange going on between a prostitute and this fat, drunk guy on the streets. It was sick. And the roads are strewn with flyers of naked women. In conclusion, this city is pretty disgusting. Human depravity at its worst.
So I'm quite happy to leave haha. Our trip has been good so far. I like our pace. No rushing around, and we take ALOT of breaks haha. Too many perhaps. The company is good also, though I don't really know the two guys very well. For pictures, go to facebook. I'm kinda lazy to upload them haha.
Anyway it's 10 more days till I come home. Really looking forward to it, yet dreading it cuz I'll really miss the US. The best 6 months of my life were spent here :)) Ok, till next time.
And my popcorn squeaks with the question, wonders why I'm not at home
Where you wait beside a silent telephone, doodle circles within circles all alone
Have to stop myself from climbing on the table full of empties to yell:
"Why, why can't I draw right up to what I want to say?"
"Why can't I ever stop where I want to stay?"
The casinos are always packed, and there are so many of them. And the streets are filled with people carrying yard-long margaritas or beers. The drunk are everywhere. And last night while walking back to our hotel, we even saw an exchange going on between a prostitute and this fat, drunk guy on the streets. It was sick. And the roads are strewn with flyers of naked women. In conclusion, this city is pretty disgusting. Human depravity at its worst.
So I'm quite happy to leave haha. Our trip has been good so far. I like our pace. No rushing around, and we take ALOT of breaks haha. Too many perhaps. The company is good also, though I don't really know the two guys very well. For pictures, go to facebook. I'm kinda lazy to upload them haha.
Anyway it's 10 more days till I come home. Really looking forward to it, yet dreading it cuz I'll really miss the US. The best 6 months of my life were spent here :)) Ok, till next time.
And my popcorn squeaks with the question, wonders why I'm not at home
Where you wait beside a silent telephone, doodle circles within circles all alone
Have to stop myself from climbing on the table full of empties to yell:
"Why, why can't I draw right up to what I want to say?"
"Why can't I ever stop where I want to stay?"
Saturday, May 10, 2008
tired of all this
Earlier today:
I am now stuck alone, at New York JFK airport. My f-ing flight to Boston is cancelled, and I was rescheduled to the 9.15am one tomorrow. I was made to run from terminal to terminal, from counter to counter, because no one can help me. And I didn’t get any sleep last night. Perfect conditions for a breakdown, huh.
Oh well, at least someone from Delta airlines called me to help me out. So I can take a 7.05pm flight. But it still sucks. I’ve NEVER had a smooth flight here before. F-ing weather and air transportation system. I’m sick of all the delays, cancellations, and walking around the airport lugging a huge bag. I guess I’d feel better if I wasn’t alone. And it’s quite ironic that my flight to College Station in January was delayed too.
Right now I’m taking a break and waiting for the time when I can go to check in at my gate. And I’m charging my phone at some random shop haha. Cuz I’ve been calling all the airline hotlines, texting (and complaining) to friends, and now my phone is dead. And I really need it later. So I went in to this shop where they sold chargers and asked if I could charge my phone for a while for $3, instead of having to buy a charger haha. Damn cheapskate hor. But who cares, I’m tired and desperate.
8 hours later:
I'm finally in Boston with my mom and her friend. OH my flight got delayed -.- Yeah we basically stayed in the plane for 1 hour. But I got a First Class seat! HAha not that it matters, cuz the flight was only 40 mins. And gee, my mom is already nagging me to death. Sigh. And I don't know if I can go to the Canadian side of the Falls, cuz of visa issues. Argh. Actually I'd rather not go, cuz I'm really tired from travelling. I wanna stay put in one place for a while. So I'm hoping I can stay with Pauline aha.
Ok I'm going to bed before I collapse tomorrow.
I am now stuck alone, at New York JFK airport. My f-ing flight to Boston is cancelled, and I was rescheduled to the 9.15am one tomorrow. I was made to run from terminal to terminal, from counter to counter, because no one can help me. And I didn’t get any sleep last night. Perfect conditions for a breakdown, huh.
Oh well, at least someone from Delta airlines called me to help me out. So I can take a 7.05pm flight. But it still sucks. I’ve NEVER had a smooth flight here before. F-ing weather and air transportation system. I’m sick of all the delays, cancellations, and walking around the airport lugging a huge bag. I guess I’d feel better if I wasn’t alone. And it’s quite ironic that my flight to College Station in January was delayed too.
Right now I’m taking a break and waiting for the time when I can go to check in at my gate. And I’m charging my phone at some random shop haha. Cuz I’ve been calling all the airline hotlines, texting (and complaining) to friends, and now my phone is dead. And I really need it later. So I went in to this shop where they sold chargers and asked if I could charge my phone for a while for $3, instead of having to buy a charger haha. Damn cheapskate hor. But who cares, I’m tired and desperate.
8 hours later:
I'm finally in Boston with my mom and her friend. OH my flight got delayed -.- Yeah we basically stayed in the plane for 1 hour. But I got a First Class seat! HAha not that it matters, cuz the flight was only 40 mins. And gee, my mom is already nagging me to death. Sigh. And I don't know if I can go to the Canadian side of the Falls, cuz of visa issues. Argh. Actually I'd rather not go, cuz I'm really tired from travelling. I wanna stay put in one place for a while. So I'm hoping I can stay with Pauline aha.
Ok I'm going to bed before I collapse tomorrow.
Friday, May 9, 2008
hello sunshine
I'm leaving in about 6 hours. Don't really know what to say.
On one hand, I'm very excited :)) On the other hand, I'm filled with longing. But at least I can safely say there isn't really anything here that I regret doing/not doing haha.
By the way, I'm going to Boston to meet my mum (yay mummy!) and her friend. For some reason, all my friends think she's really cool to be travelling around, especially to Mexico haha. Anyway, we're going to New York and Niagara Falls also. Ya, it's the second time for me haha. But I really wanna see the Falls in summer, when it's not so cold. And of course, Central Park when it's sunny :D Then on 15 May, I'll be going to LA to meet Pauline and her friends. Gonna be touring the West Coast with them for 3 weeks. We're going to LA, San Diego, Las Vegas, Sacramento and San Francisco. Going home on 2 June. Can't wait! Singapore food is waiting for meeeee..
Ok, hopefully I won't get lost in transit among the 3 flights I have to take. And of course, there won't be any delays haha. Oh and my baggage won't be too overweight (I had to repack them after one came up to 60 pounds, when the limit is 50 haha).
Hello sunshine
Come into my life
In honesty it’s been a while
Since we had reason left to smile
On one hand, I'm very excited :)) On the other hand, I'm filled with longing. But at least I can safely say there isn't really anything here that I regret doing/not doing haha.
By the way, I'm going to Boston to meet my mum (yay mummy!) and her friend. For some reason, all my friends think she's really cool to be travelling around, especially to Mexico haha. Anyway, we're going to New York and Niagara Falls also. Ya, it's the second time for me haha. But I really wanna see the Falls in summer, when it's not so cold. And of course, Central Park when it's sunny :D Then on 15 May, I'll be going to LA to meet Pauline and her friends. Gonna be touring the West Coast with them for 3 weeks. We're going to LA, San Diego, Las Vegas, Sacramento and San Francisco. Going home on 2 June. Can't wait! Singapore food is waiting for meeeee..
Ok, hopefully I won't get lost in transit among the 3 flights I have to take. And of course, there won't be any delays haha. Oh and my baggage won't be too overweight (I had to repack them after one came up to 60 pounds, when the limit is 50 haha).
Hello sunshine
Come into my life
In honesty it’s been a while
Since we had reason left to smile
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
100th post
This is my 100th post, out of which 22 were made here. Gosh, it's so hard to say goodbye. It's probably the thing I'm worst at. Saying goodbye.
Anyway, here are the things I'm gonna miss when I leave (not in any particular order):
1. The Texas A&M campus. The acres and acres of land. The MSC, and the grass that you're forbidden to step on. The beautiful buildings, which make those in NUS look like they're from the ghetto.
2. Basking in the sun. All those times on Dream Hill. Just lying there on the grass and enjoying the sun, without a care in my mind. Heck, not only Dream Hill. I miss ALL the times on the grass! Whether it was in Mexico, San Antonio, Washington DC, or Burnet haha.
3. Northgate. The convenience of having so many restaurants and pubs at my doorstep haha. Oh and the Dixie Chicken! Playing pool, drinking cheap beer ($2!) and the country music.
4. Road trips. Especially those in the French car haha. Oooh man, I love that car! Although it's really old, has no air-conditioning, and is quite dirty, it's the best ride! Anyway, I love being on miles and miles of highway. With fields of wildflowers around you, and herds of cows and farmland haha.
5. The French! Their goofiness, and crap. They really made my time here so much more fun haha.
6. The hospitality of Texans. Nobody really treats you like a stranger, and everyone is really friendly and nice.
7. The Aggie spirit. How everyone in the school feels like family. All the cheers, and "Saw 'Em Off"s everywhere. The strong sense of belonging.
8. My roommate hahaha. How she's always dancing around the room, giving me stupid names (sissy, napper, hoe, bad Asian...), and the random things we do together, like how we always try in vain to make the suitemates shut up (like playing the Aggie war hymn at the highest volume, at 3am in the morning). And that she'll wake me up for class haha. Oh and that we have the same sleeping habits (ie. go to bed at 3am, and wake up at 12pm). She always makes me laugh haha :)))
9. Lauren and her family. They've really made us feel like family :) And her mum makes the best food ever haha! And Lauren's always there to help, no matter what. Like how she always drives around, and gives me a place to stay when I'm sick of the prison cell known as my dorm room.
10. Everything is bigger in Texas. Bigger portions of food, bigger cars, bigger people haha.
11. How Texas has its own culture. The cowboy hats (I have one!), boots, belt and plaid shirts. Their slang (yall, fixin' to do something etc). Tex-Mex.
Ok, that's all I can think of now. I'm sure there's more, just that everything is floating aroudn in my brain now so I can't really think haha.
Now I gotta go back to my books and packing. I did NOTHING today. Like I woke up at 1.30pm, then went out with my roommate. And just now I was at the Dixie Chicken with the other exchange students for dinner. Crap. I have LOTS to do, and that means no sleep tonight haha. Oh well.
This love isn't good unless it's me and you
Stick your hands inside of my pockets
Keep them warm while I'm still here
Anyway, here are the things I'm gonna miss when I leave (not in any particular order):
1. The Texas A&M campus. The acres and acres of land. The MSC, and the grass that you're forbidden to step on. The beautiful buildings, which make those in NUS look like they're from the ghetto.
2. Basking in the sun. All those times on Dream Hill. Just lying there on the grass and enjoying the sun, without a care in my mind. Heck, not only Dream Hill. I miss ALL the times on the grass! Whether it was in Mexico, San Antonio, Washington DC, or Burnet haha.
3. Northgate. The convenience of having so many restaurants and pubs at my doorstep haha. Oh and the Dixie Chicken! Playing pool, drinking cheap beer ($2!) and the country music.
4. Road trips. Especially those in the French car haha. Oooh man, I love that car! Although it's really old, has no air-conditioning, and is quite dirty, it's the best ride! Anyway, I love being on miles and miles of highway. With fields of wildflowers around you, and herds of cows and farmland haha.
5. The French! Their goofiness, and crap. They really made my time here so much more fun haha.
6. The hospitality of Texans. Nobody really treats you like a stranger, and everyone is really friendly and nice.
7. The Aggie spirit. How everyone in the school feels like family. All the cheers, and "Saw 'Em Off"s everywhere. The strong sense of belonging.
8. My roommate hahaha. How she's always dancing around the room, giving me stupid names (sissy, napper, hoe, bad Asian...), and the random things we do together, like how we always try in vain to make the suitemates shut up (like playing the Aggie war hymn at the highest volume, at 3am in the morning). And that she'll wake me up for class haha. Oh and that we have the same sleeping habits (ie. go to bed at 3am, and wake up at 12pm). She always makes me laugh haha :)))
9. Lauren and her family. They've really made us feel like family :) And her mum makes the best food ever haha! And Lauren's always there to help, no matter what. Like how she always drives around, and gives me a place to stay when I'm sick of the prison cell known as my dorm room.
10. Everything is bigger in Texas. Bigger portions of food, bigger cars, bigger people haha.
11. How Texas has its own culture. The cowboy hats (I have one!), boots, belt and plaid shirts. Their slang (yall, fixin' to do something etc). Tex-Mex.
Ok, that's all I can think of now. I'm sure there's more, just that everything is floating aroudn in my brain now so I can't really think haha.
Now I gotta go back to my books and packing. I did NOTHING today. Like I woke up at 1.30pm, then went out with my roommate. And just now I was at the Dixie Chicken with the other exchange students for dinner. Crap. I have LOTS to do, and that means no sleep tonight haha. Oh well.
This love isn't good unless it's me and you
Stick your hands inside of my pockets
Keep them warm while I'm still here
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